The ups and downs of 2020

We’re going to have a quiet evening tonight as we ring in the new year. We have no plans for anything other than maybe watching some movies and spending time together. I ordered dinner for us and it should be dropped off shortly.

It’s one of those days that I’m really struggling to keep my head above water. I’m frustrated. I’m overwhelmed. I’m spent. I feel like this is quite possibly the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a sentimental person and this is one of those times where I feel the loss of my marriage. It’s just one of those things and I struggle a bit on these days. As time passes these moments won’t be so impactful and I’ll make new memories. I feel like 2020 was an off year. It was the year I was supposed to move us all forward. COVID changed that for pretty much everyone.

It’s not all negative though. There’s so much positive and I thought I would touch on a few of those things.

Despite all the challenges, I’m finishing 2020 light-years ahead of where we’ve been. In the past. Business at the beginning of 2020 was absolutely insane. Things were going incredibly well and I was beginning to think about finally relocating myself and the boys. That’s hugely positive and I’m so grateful for that. All the work I’ve been putting into everything has finally begun to pay off. Unfortunately, COVID hit and has put several things on hold and I’m not sure when they will pick back up. Either way, I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to on the other side of all this.

One of my more positive accomplishments is the podcast. With the end of the third season, I’ve seen staggering growth in my audience. As of today, my listenership and episode downloads have increased by 1061% since this time last year. That’s right, 1061%. It’s crazy and it presents quite a few opportunities in regards to sponsorships and growth moving forward. I’m super stoked about that and I already have half a dozen interviews lined up for January.

If you’re interested, as a reminder, you can shoot me an email and we can talk about you being a guest on Season 4. 🙂

2020 saw the first full year of me becoming a single parent. That’s not something I view as a positive thing but rising to the occasion is. I’ve really had to dig down deep to find the strength needed to move us forward. I’m proud of myself for being able to do so. It’s not perfect and I have a great deal of work left to do, but I’ve made it this far and I can keep going.

The kids have gone from absolutely hating distance learning to absolutely hating remote learning. It is what it is but they have stuck it out and this looks to be their best quarter yet. I know it’s not easy but they are doing their best to not only cope with all the shit going on in our lives but also the huge changes needed to adjust to learning via chromebook. I I’m really proud of them. As with myself, we still have work to do but I know they can can do it and I’ll be right there helping them along the way.

Mr. Gavin has come such a long way and this year has been particular has been very challenging fo him due to COVID. Gavin’s immunocompromised and keeping him safe during this nightmare hasn’t been easy. We’ve all had to sacrifice but that’s what family does.

This year Gavin has decided that he wants to move out on his own. By his own, we’re referring to a group living situation. He’s really excited about it and while I’m not sure where to begin, Lizze and I are going to help him figure this out. Independence is something everyone deserves and Gavin is no different. We’re using the time on COVID lockdown to practice skills that will help him navigate this new journey when he can safely begin it.

I feel like we have so much to be grateful for and our health is the most important among those things. So many people have lost their lives to COVID and so many families have been suffering. I wish there was something I could do to take away their pain. The only thing I can do continue doing our part to reduce the spread and get vaccinated as soon as possible. I will continue to raise awareness and support those fighting the good fight.

At the end of the day, as bad as things are right now, we’re still here. That matters.

Today’s been a rough day but I surviving it and will live to fight another day.

Luckily, tomorrow is another day and I realize that. I’m just gonna hunker down and survive today. In the morning we will have a fresh start of sorts. My circumstances won’t be much improved, as they won’t be for any of us but I’d settle for finding my emotional footing. A good night’s sleep is usually helpful for me in this area of my life.

Hope you all have a great night. Please stay safe, stay home and I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow. 🙂

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Darlene

I think Gavin would flourish on his ‘own’ and hope you can figure something out. That might be something for Lizze to research because she seems to be really good at that sort of thing and would allow her to be part of the boys’ life (as much as she can) right now. All this Gavin talk reminds me that he hasn’t been on his clozapine for months now and you haven’t mentioned it. I guess he’s doing okay?

BeckyW

Gavin moving out would be good for him. I had read that it is easier for adults like Gavin, those who need to live with others, that it is better to do it when a young adult than waiting until their caretakers die. This way, he can get into a place and get used to it, or make changes if necessary, and that will facilitate familiarity and independence. Staying with family until, say, the parents die would make it difficult for Gavin.

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