We had an adventure today

I'm really tired but I wanted to share our adventure from today because it was a very big step for Gavin. I took the kids out to Quail Hollow because we all needed to get some exercise and I was hoping that do to the size of the park, it wouldn't be very crowded. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. Quail Hollow was packed and most people were not social distancing or wearing masks. We almost didn't stay but it was a decent drive and while Gavin wanted nothing to do with it, especially after seeing the lack of COVID19 awareness. I decided that we were already there and while the main trails had lots of people, we could keep to the outskirts of the park. That's what we did. We found…

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Are you looking for fun things to distract your kids with?

I mentioned recently that I wanted the kids to get involved in things that weren't battery powered or attached to a screen. Well, wish granted. Zen Laboratory reached out and wanted to sponsor a review of their Jumbo Slime Kit. They retail for about $30 and they sent one for each of the kids. While I don't personally like playing with slime anymore, it turns out my kids do. I did a quick unboxing to show you guys what comes in the box before the kids tore into it. Check that out below. https://youtu.be/MWdYz9VuAWI Honestly, there isn't much you can say about slime other than I used to love playing with it as a kid. Gavin isn't into it but Elliott and Emmett love it. They've been playing with it…

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I’m struggling today

I'm struggling a bit today because I just am. I could say it's because we've been on lockdown for 67 days straight or that I'm depressed. I could say that it's because Gavin's off his meds and the kids have been home from school. I could say that it's because I'm struggling with my pending divorce or that I miss the person I married. I could say all of those things because they're all true but the reality, however, is that I don't know why I'm struggling today. Perhaps it's a combination of everything? Perhaps it's that I'm tired and just need this to be over? All I know is that today has already proven to be very challenging and I can't seem to get my footing. It feels like…

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I’d rather not spend the money but I’m too tired to care

I had a really hard time falling asleep last night. I ended up finally crashing around 5:30 AM and for those wondering, that puts me at a significant disadvantage going into the day. I was able to get about 4 hours of sleep because the boys slept in. Super grateful for that. The goal for today is pretty simple, I want to get Gavin started using Mightier and I need to unbox something that was sent out for me to look at and share. The super annoying hangup right now is that someone a few doors down has this dog that incessantly barks and they just ignore it.. It's really hard to record anything because nothing is even remotely soundproof in my house. I've considered filing a noise complaint because…

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A mixed bag

Thus far, today has been a mixed bag. The boys wanted to do yard work but Gavin decided he'd rather clean the bathroom, which is fine. I don't leave the boys outside alone for several reasons, all related to safety. Everyone did great and now I need to get some work done on my end. I have two ads for the podcast to record. I say a mixed bag because Gavin has this habit of breaking things that don't belong to him. He doesn't do it on purpose. He just lacks awareness of certain things and that leads to more frequent accidents. Today he broke my electric razor. He says he doesn't know how it happened and that it just rolled off the counter and hit the floor. The razor…

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Bittersweet

Today is bittersweet because it's the first Mother's Day since Lizze left. The boys aren't really stressed out about it because to them, it's just a other day on COVID19 lockdown. Truthfully, it's better this way because they don't need anything else to worry about. It's bittersweet for me because I always celebrated Mother's Day. We didn't always have the money but I tried to make sure we always did something special. Today is going to be hard for me but that's okay. Today isn't about me or how I'm feeling. This will mark the first time Lizze hasn't been with her kids on Mother's Day and I know that's hurting her. We have our differences and I don't agree with her decisions but the thought of her being in…

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I need more patience and I don’t know where to find it

Last night was really bad. Gavin had a massive blowout about 12:30 am. What happened matters less than what triggered it. Ever since Gavin was little, he has not been able to tolerate making mistakes. There are times when he makes a mistake and can brush it but majority of the time, mistakes lead to self-injurious meltdowns. Truthfully, I don't really know what to call these episodes. I don't know that they qualify as actual meltdowns and I'd prefer not to mislable them because it sends the wrong message. It might be more accurate to say that Gavin loses his temper. I think that's a fair way to describe what happens. Everyone loses their temper from time to time and that's not a problem in and of itself. The issue…

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Confessions: Sometimes I am resentful that I’m raising my kids alone

I've had a really stressful night because Gavin had a pretty massive freak out and I once again had to deal with it alone. I'm too tired to get into details but essentially, Gavin made a mistake and flipped the fuck out because he doesn't tolerate making mistakes. He's always been this way. He's very forgiving and understanding when other people make mistakes but he's brutal towards himself. Unfortunately, this happened after midnight and I simply don't have the patience to spend on moments like these. It's incredibly frustrating and if I had more patience, I could have handled it much better. For the most part, I've come to terms with being a single parent. I've come to terms with doing this on my own. There are times where I'm…

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