I got a break for the first time since September

It's been a couple days and I wanted to share something before I crash for the night. This will be brief because I'm exhausted and I'll try to follow up later. The other day, I called Lizze to find out if they'd been locked down for at least 14 days. They had been and so I suggested making arrangements for the boys to go over for a few days. It's been since September and that's really hard on her and the kids. We had decided to shut visits down until COVID was under control. That's the only reason she hasn't seen them. Since the insurrection at the Capitol Building and the current threats for this coming week, as well as how much worse COVID is getting, I thought we should…

2 Comments

The ups and downs of 2020

We're going to have a quiet evening tonight as we ring in the new year. We have no plans for anything other than maybe watching some movies and spending time together. I ordered dinner for us and it should be dropped off shortly. It's one of those days that I'm really struggling to keep my head above water. I'm frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I'm spent. I feel like this is quite possibly the loneliest I've ever been in my life. I've mentioned before that I'm a sentimental person and this is one of those times where I feel the loss of my marriage. It's just one of those things and I struggle a bit on these days. As time passes these moments won't be so impactful and I'll make new memories.…

3 Comments

Can you guess why it’s so hard for me to sleep?

I've been talking about how tough it's been to sleep at night when Emmett is dealing with separation anxiety. The last few days he's been doing really well in regards to sleeping in his own bed. Last night was a bit of a struggle. He ultimately made it into his own bed but he had to fall asleep in my room first. If you ask him why he needs to sleep in my room, he'll say something along the lines of he feels more comfortable. Sometimes it's because he has a string of nightmares that really upset him. Yet on other occasions, he's said that he's afraid that if he's not glued to me at night, he's going to wake up in the morning and I'll have left in the…

2 Comments

I totally got this

I want to recognize that I accomplished one of my goals for 2020. I set out to record 40 episodes for season 3 of my podcast and improve upon season 2. Today I dropped episode 40 and I'm done until next year. It feels so good to have accomplished this, especially considering l the obstacles. I've already got interviews booked for January and that's awesome. It took a little longer to get this last one out cause it's been a rough weekend but I was only about 48 hours late. ☺ The kids have been on edge today. We're getting closer to Christmas and the anxiety is building, as is the anticipation. This is historically a challenging time in our house, even when everything else is going well. Everyone's sleep…

0 Comments

I want to talk to you about my #depression

It has occurred to me that I haven't talked about my depression much lately. I talk about to people who reach out offline quite a bit and I sometimes forget to do that here as well. One of the reasons this occurred to me is because I noticed today that I'm struggling a little more than I have been in regards to managing my depression. I think everyone deals with life differently and depression hits people in different ways as well. We're all different and that's okay. For me personally, I know depression is once again gaining a foothold in my life when I begin worrying about dying. It's not easy for me to admit that because there's only a few people in my life that are aware of this…

3 Comments

Fingers crossed that I sleep tonight

You know what? It's actually been a pretty good day. Obviously, it wasn't perfect or stress free but I don't think those days even exist. I feel like we made some progress around the house and for the most part, the kids got along with each other. I'm always grateful for that and it helps to maintain a positive tone for the day. It's amazing how something so simple can change the demeanor in the house. I didn't get a whole lot of work done but I've written twice and that hasn't happened in forever. That's big for me and it's progress. This week I need to focus on finishing up episode 39 and before Wednesday. That should be relatively easy, assuming the boys let me have the time needed…

0 Comments

It’s 2:40 am and I’m too stressed to sleep

It's been a rough day in our house. My tank is pretty much on empty and the kids have been such a handful lately. I'm exhausted and coming up short in the patience department. Currently, it's almost 3am and I still can't fall asleep because it's been such a stressful day. I can't seem to shut my brain off. The kids have been at each other's throats all day. Emmett and Gavin were fighting and I was done with it. I sent them downstairs to call their mom and have her help them resolve whatever they were fighting over. It didn't end well and made things infinitely worse but Lizze did what she could from a distance. The kids needed a physical intervention and that of course, can't be done…

2 Comments