As much as I want to, I can’t send the kids to school today

You know tomorrow is going to be a good day when you're already emailing the school to call the kids off and it isn't even dinner time yet. The boys are still not feeling well and as much as I'd like to send them to school because they're driving me crazy, they need to stay home. They need their rest and I hope they feel better soon. Both the boys aren't feeling well but they're also hyper as fuck, hence the driving me crazy statement above. Kids on the Autism Spectrum seems to react strangely when they're sick. When Gavin was younger, he would lose his Autism symptoms while running a high fever. That's a documented phenomenon and there's not a known explanation. The boys on the other hand, tend…

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It all started 18 years ago, at 10:52 AM

There are days that arrive and bring with them a profound sense of consternation. For me personally, today was one of those rare days in my life. There are many reasons why today has so much meaning but I want to focus on the single, most important one. On January 18, 2000 at 10:52 AM, Gavin was born into this world. While I wasn't present at that point in time, Gavin wouldn't enter my life for another year or so. Gavin has faced so many obstacles in his young life. Some of these obstacles were familial in nature while others were physical and emotional in nature. This young man has been through more in his short life, than most people would in two lifetimes. As a family, we've been through…

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I’m not sure what we’re dealing with but we survived the day

I survived the day. That's something to celebrate because there were times I didn't think I would. ☺ Emmett seems to be doing better but Elliott went to bed not feeling well. There's all kinds of shit going around the school, so that may be what's going on. At this point in time, no one's puking and that makes me happy. I hate puking and I hate when the kids puke. Puking doesn't gross me out or anything like that. It's easy to aspirate when puking and that's not a good thing. I learned all these things when I was a medic and some are etched into my brain. I'm not sure what the morning holds but if they aren't feeling good, I'm not going to push them. There's too…

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Updates so big they almost don’t fit

There are a few things I need to update you all on. Some are bigger deals than others but all remain important. They aren't in any particular order of importance. It's just the order they popped out of my head. ☺ Gavin's spending the night and most of the day tomorrow with his grandparents. They will be celebrating his birthday with him and taking him shopping. Gavin was really excited and I'm happy to see him that way. An odd thing happened this morning. If I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't believe it. Emmett decided to wear socks to school today. This kid hasn't worn socks for the better part of two years now. I've no idea what brought this on and whether or not it was a one…

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When your special needs child turns 18

I just got a letter from Social Security in regards to Gavin. He and I have an appointment with social security on January 25th in regards to Gavin becoming an adult. Part of Gavin turning eighteen means that things like this are going to come up. We're currently working on permanent guardianship, which will continue to allow us to manage Gavin's life when he can't do so for himself. Gavin's nervous about going because he's never had to go to one of these before and he's concerned about shots. I'm not sure where that came from but in his head, he think the social security worker will want to give him a shot. This appointment will be the first that we have to attend in order to keep Gavin's affairs…

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They finally went back to school

Thank God there's school today. I love my kids, I truly do but there schedule has been so messed up since before Christmas break, they need to go back. I need them to go back. There were closing around us but we weren't one of them. We got the kids off to school, and both Gavin's and Lizze's blood work done. All I need to do today is call the pharmacy and remind them to call for his lab results so they can deliver his Clozapine in the morning. Gavin's good until Wednesday night. So far so good. The day could definitely be worse but I'm grateful it's not.. ☺

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Heatbreaking: I wish I could carry his burden for him

We celebrate Gavin's 18th birthday this week. This is a moment that's absolutely worth celebrating, for a million reasons. While there's so much to be grateful for, it's really hard not to notice things that are cause for worry. Over the last few days, I've noticed that Gavin is forgetting what some words mean. The one that took me by surprise was the word maintenance. He doesn't remember what it means to perform maintenance on something. There has been a few others as well but I can't remember them off the top of my head. I know I'm not the only one taking notice because Gavin will ask what a word means and Lizze will look at me in concern. Elliott and Emmett are noticing as well. They're very respectful…

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Depression Confession: Major progress has been made

Today begins phase 2 of my withdrawal from Paxil. I'm officially on half on my original dose and that's progress. The first two weeks were absolutely horrible. It was like the worst case of the flu I've ever experienced. That lasted about a week and a half. After that misery was over the insomnia began. My experience for the last week or so has been much, much better. The first two and a half weeks sucked but it definitely got better. For the next four weeks, I'll be taking 20 mg/day. That's 20 mg/day less than I've been taking for the last few years. More likely than not, therr will be more unpleasant withdrawal symptoms and I suspect it may follow the original pattern. I know how ridiculous it sounds…

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