This is what real life is like for one #Autism family

I wanted to take a few minutes and talk about something that I will admit to being frustrated over.  Actually, frustrated probably isn’t the right word but it’s the closest I can come up with at the moment. 

When you read the words on this blog, you’re gaining insight into my life. Through me you’re gaining insight into the lives of my family as well. 

The purpose of sharing this is to help people understand what life is like for one Autism family.  My family.

The reality of the situation is that my family faces unique and very often, significant challenges on a daily basis.  A great many of these situations are of a nature that renders them extremely difficult (if not impossible) for many people to understand.  At the same time however, that same nature that makes our life very difficult for many to understand, makes my words instantly relatable to a great many others because they face very similar challenges in their own life. 

image

It really is easy to sit back and judge or make assumptions based on what you read, especially without the personal experience to help put things into proper context. That’s perfectly understandable and I can’t fault anyone for not understanding because frankly, I don’t always understand either and it’s my life.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is this. 

When you visit The Autism Dad Blog, you are reading words that are describing the life my family is actually living.  You’re reading about the challenges, heartache and pain that my family is facing.  You’re also reading about the victories, progress and forward movement that we celebrate. 

It’s really important to remember that while this is something you can read about before returning to your own life, my family and I are actually living through all of this. 

I can assure you that as much as you may feel that you know better at times, there isn’t anyone in a better position to make the decisions that have to be made other than Lizze and I.

The very same principle carries over to any other family as well. 

It’s easy to make a decision or come up with an answer when there’s no sense of urgency.  When in the moment, we don’t have the benefit of hindsight or being able to take a timeout until we can come up with a better idea. 

This is real life and it’s not always pretty or pleasant. Sometimes it’s messy.  Sometimes it’ll make you smile and other times it will break your heart. 

By reading this blog, you are able to gain access to a family that is very much a work in progress.  You will at times be reading my thought processes as I’m trying to work though a problem or feel my frustration as I struggle with the challenges. 

At the end of the day, you don’t have to read any of this.  You don’t have to visit this site and read things that make you uncomfortable or otherwise upset you.  You can simply choose to do something else. 

That same thing can’t be said for myself or my family because this is our life and we have no choice but to experience it first hand, in all its unedited glory. 

It’s easy to judge or make assumptions when you don’t understand something. The point of this blog to help you understand by sharing, answering questions or providing insights that you wouldn’t otherwise have access to. 

All I ask is that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  I’m always happy to help or answer your questions but please be respectful and remember that there’s a human being at the other end of your screen. 

22 Comments

  1. Braden

    I think you are selling yourself (or your readers) short that we can’t understand. You explain what’s happening in your life on a daily basis and sometimes people comment. You have also afforded us the opportunity to connect the dots by being able to go back and read your comments on the same topic in the past. Which gives some people the view from the outside looking in which allows some people to see things that someone too close to the situation can not.

    You don’t have to like the messenger, but you should try and hear the message. Sadly too often your first reaction is to lash out at a ‘mean’ poster and accuse them of not having kids or trolling. I have said it in the past, if you want a fan board, say it….or better yet, lock the comments. But if you don’t and you post a struggle, people ARE going to offer advice.

    1. Braden,

      Look, we’ll have to agree to disagree and that’s fine. I’m not selling my readers short because the vast majority get it. Theres also a few commentors who seem to always respond the same way.

      It seems like their mission is to trip me up or simply twist what I’m saying into something that is negative. It’s always the same handful of people and so yes, while I don’t feel I lash out, I don’t take crap as well as I used to.

      Reading back through all the comments on all the posts, it will be very obvious who these people are.

      If you want a recent example, just read back a couple posts and check out the comments.

      1. Braden

        Some people are going to notice inconsistencies in your story and question you on it, I know I have. And I know you accused me of trolling and of not having kids.

        I will readily admit that I don’t always have the best bed side manner, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to ‘trip you up’. If something doesn’t make sense, I ask

        1. What people view as inconsistencies are examples of a dynamic, real life situation that is constantly changing.

          The truth is, I don’t care what anyone has to say. It’s more about how they say that and the approach they take, that impacts how I react…

          I appreciate your honesty and tactful approach… ☺

          1. Zoe

            Changing dynamics, like he one where Lizzie can’t be unsupervised with the kids or she and Gavin could never live together again, to 11 days later where it’s a welcome home happy happy joy joy party?

            No on has to try and trip you up, all on needs to do is read back or have followed you for a bit. It’s not hard.

            And I looked back for the budgeting help stuff, it’s there, barely 3 months ago.

            I’m not mean, im not spiteful, and I’m not a troll. I just hate that you spout off about doing the best you can do when it really isn’t. So many suggestions have been made to you to help, but there is always an excuse. Your problem is that if someone isn’t here patting your head telling you you’re doing an excellent job, you pretty much hate it and dismiss it no matter what they are saying.

            And the thing that set me off yesterday was the fact that one of your children’s birthdays was an after thought yet again. Yet you shell out $130 a month for this site when you could be doing what you do here for free on Facebook.

            1. Zoe,

              Your comments are no longer worth replying to. I wish you the best in life but you bring nothing but negativity here and your comments are filled with hostilities that are unwarranted and I’m far from the only one to take notice. There is a group of about 4 of you who do this all the time and I’m done. I have tens of thousands of readers each month and it’s always the same 4 people that take this approach.

              You may think what you want but you’re not right and you can’t possibly know more about my life than I do. Please take the advice of a previous comment or from yesterday and focus your energies on changing the things in your own life that you may need to change.

              I will not longer dignify your comments with a response, when you approach things the way you do.

              Stop reading all together if it makes you this upset. It’s not healthy to get this worked up over something that has no impact on your life.

              Best wishes

            2. Alyssa Rogers Williams

              As you know Rob I have rooted for you and the boys and knowing back story and all the blogs before this though the Universe handed you the best Get Out of Jail Free Card ever. You were Almost There. freedom from pain inflicted by a person that destroyed your family, it’s logical many, many readers just can’t understand or fathom it. Yes. It’s your life, but many of your musings were finally about positively going forth, on your iwe to better things.

              I’ve chipped in before with $ for the blog & had planned on making it a more regular thing, but the reason I’ve been absent as my husband and I discussed….you cannot help someone who returns to the root of their problems to begin with. Connect the dots!?!

              I basically just couldn’t believe what I was reading that “announcement day” and just came back here tonight to see if there was still a blog of relevance or any freedom of speech yet . I’m not for pure negativity but you cannot argue and prevail over Zoe’s accuracy and logic here. (This is all that I’ve read thus far so if there is more I have not read it, this is what I hit first). You said over and over in your blog, “the woman I married/lived” does not exist anymore”. So….she transformed again?

              I figured there would be total blocking of anyone’s sentiments that didn’t agree with your decision, Rob, so I jetted, along with our donation plan. I cannot in good conscience throw good money after bad if this is the judgement given the totality of circumstances.

              I’m reading Zoe’s comments, I don’t see anything untoward? She’s making suggestions that you don’t have to take, they are only suggestions. Maybe I’ve missed something earlier there betwixt you guys but there is no comment lacking validity here, Zoe’s or Braden’s.

              This was to be a regular contribution for us, we are lucky people , but we cannot support a cause that is this….quixotic and unstable & completely contrary to SO MUCH written before . It’s like you invented a world where the past 18 months (not two years) didn’t exist. Like the words YOU wrote didn’t exist.

              I knew it though….on a subconscious level when so many asked, “why have you not done it?!” and I know it’s not expensive for an anulled marriage in Ohio….. we all knew the procrastination of the “divorce” meant there wasn’t ever going to be one. You can look at your own posts regarding Lizze being mentally ill, not able to live with Gavin again, and other assorted bon mots. Which is /was your right but you can’t expect your readers to jump up and say “yay” when the cause of pretty much all your problems was welcomed back. It’s not good for your blog, business, readership, nor family . It shows acute lack of judgement when a person not allowed alone with her own children and who you’ve called severely mentally impaired and I’ll and the old Lizze was gone….I mean is this some crazy scam ? That’s how crazy it all sounds,

              Damn, Rob, and I mean this from the heart, my family was rooting so hard for you. You had essentially escaped an emotional, narcissistic vampire and your kids were infinitely better off. I’ve rooted, prayed for you guys, sent vibes, sent money for the blog to stay afloat…..but in one fell swoop you let a master manipulator back (a few days after you said she could never live with Gavin and a court agreed she could not be alone with your kids, what on earth does that say about your judgement here?! ) I know we always get “you don’t know the whole story” .your posts told a story, and if you let her move back in, that story is invalidated or you are just making a terrible decision. At least now that all the incapacitating maladies she suffered from when with you disappeared with the new life and boyfriend and she can be an actual parent.

              My guesses include the new guy dumped her or her parents are tiring of the “new” Lizze and the time that comes with it or most importantly, she knows there’s more money coming in…….it’s so OBVIOUS. She has demonstrated zero concern for you, the burden yiu shouldered, the pain of your children. Now you screw them up again with another curve ball?!

              I’m sorry, I hate being harsh, I do, because you do so much good, but you chose to share your life and what do think a poll would bring in terms of numbers regarding your decision? Yeah, I doubt but a tiny percentage was glad Lizze was back…..but….all I can say is so much bad luck follows certain people because of the toxicity they carry or have near them. Get rid of the negativity and easier paths open up, so again good luck. I feel so bad for you because you’re probably very happy on a visceral level because as Woody Allen says, “the heart wants what it wants”. And damn the torpedoes I guess…….and while so many of us have wished you happiness, that’s the worst thing anyone could have wished upon you. A Negative Black Hole. Back again,

              I’ll go back and read what I missed but these were my thoughts upon your original “announcement” (not just me and you knew that and cut off comments) . As I have contributed money to help ($25 I know is not a lot) I would hope I get to have a say or two.

              My opinion, nor anyone’s affects your life, but as someone who asks for money and gets contributions, I would hope you’d open comments to whomever about any relevant topic unless abusive. There are some things just these two people wrote on this post that are salient and true. There are hundreds more (I’m only I’m touch with 6: all have bailed and were always loathe to contribute whilst Lizze was there before she left) . It all seems….sort of a swindle really and I’ve been a supporter of a better life for your children since I read the CNN article, both yours and Lizze’s blogs and I’m just hoping that it turns out well and you’re not the biggest sucker on Earth. My family truly wishes you well.

      2. Alyssa Rogers Williams

        Rob, I’m back for a brief respite from your blog after that announcement. It’s of course, your life and your business but even my husband just.couldbt believe your naïveté

        I will go read these comments you speak of that are so bad…….. I stopped reading because there was no Free Speech /commenting when you (I’m not being mean here, just correct) let someone who destroyed you and your kids, was banned from her kids without a supervisor present, back IN …… I would imagine animosity and ire exploded within your readership when you let that said woman banned from seeing her kids without supervision, who boasted of going out to bars and her New Life on a public Facebook page, but back when living with you couldn’t work or function as a parent and had countless imaginary, unsubstantiated illnesses that vanished magically when she left you. you wrote of her mental illness, how she could never live with Gavin….then days later you’ve reunited. Something is horribly askew here. You can’t claim Kid’s First here and not to say anything negative about Lizze “because of the kids”, because YOU wrote negative things about her already . My family supported and rooted for you , contributed money for the blog, but as my husband said, “you just can’t help some people”.

        Please, look at this from hundreds of like minded individuals. It’s insane. You’re accusing these people of being mean, or trolling or whatever but people do notice these many inconsistencies. No one is nit picking , just calling out a spade a spade when they see one.

  2. Braden

    I think you are selling yourself (or your readers) short that we can’t understand. You explain what’s happening in your life on a daily basis and sometimes people comment. You have also afforded us the opportunity to connect the dots by being able to go back and read your comments on the same topic in the past. Which gives some people the view from the outside looking in which allows some people to see things that someone too close to the situation can not.

    You don’t have to like the messenger, but you should try and hear the message. Sadly too often your first reaction is to lash out at a ‘mean’ poster and accuse them of not having kids or trolling. I have said it in the past, if you want a fan board, say it….or better yet, lock the comments. But if you don’t and you post a struggle, people ARE going to offer advice.

    1. Braden,

      Look, we’ll have to agree to disagree and that’s fine. I’m not selling my readers short because the vast majority get it. Theres also a few commentors who seem to always respond the same way.

      It seems like their mission is to trip me up or simply twist what I’m saying into something that is negative. It’s always the same handful of people and so yes, while I don’t feel I lash out, I don’t take crap as well as I used to.

      Reading back through all the comments on all the posts, it will be very obvious who these people are.

      If you want a recent example, just read back a couple posts and check out the comments.

      1. Braden

        Some people are going to notice inconsistencies in your story and question you on it, I know I have. And I know you accused me of trolling and of not having kids.

        I will readily admit that I don’t always have the best bed side manner, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to ‘trip you up’. If something doesn’t make sense, I ask

        1. What people view as inconsistencies are examples of a dynamic, real life situation that is constantly changing.

          The truth is, I don’t care what anyone has to say. It’s more about how they say that and the approach they take, that impacts how I react…

          I appreciate your honesty and tactful approach… ☺

          1. Zoe

            Changing dynamics, like he one where Lizzie can’t be unsupervised with the kids or she and Gavin could never live together again, to 11 days later where it’s a welcome home happy happy joy joy party?

            No on has to try and trip you up, all on needs to do is read back or have followed you for a bit. It’s not hard.

            And I looked back for the budgeting help stuff, it’s there, barely 3 months ago.

            I’m not mean, im not spiteful, and I’m not a troll. I just hate that you spout off about doing the best you can do when it really isn’t. So many suggestions have been made to you to help, but there is always an excuse. Your problem is that if someone isn’t here patting your head telling you you’re doing an excellent job, you pretty much hate it and dismiss it no matter what they are saying.

            And the thing that set me off yesterday was the fact that one of your children’s birthdays was an after thought yet again. Yet you shell out $130 a month for this site when you could be doing what you do here for free on Facebook.

            1. Zoe,

              Your comments are no longer worth replying to. I wish you the best in life but you bring nothing but negativity here and your comments are filled with hostilities that are unwarranted and I’m far from the only one to take notice. There is a group of about 4 of you who do this all the time and I’m done. I have tens of thousands of readers each month and it’s always the same 4 people that take this approach.

              You may think what you want but you’re not right and you can’t possibly know more about my life than I do. Please take the advice of a previous comment or from yesterday and focus your energies on changing the things in your own life that you may need to change.

              I will not longer dignify your comments with a response, when you approach things the way you do.

              Stop reading all together if it makes you this upset. It’s not healthy to get this worked up over something that has no impact on your life.

              Best wishes

            2. Alyssa Rogers Williams

              As you know Rob I have rooted for you and the boys and knowing back story and all the blogs before this though the Universe handed you the best Get Out of Jail Free Card ever. You were Almost There. freedom from pain inflicted by a person that destroyed your family, it’s logical many, many readers just can’t understand or fathom it. Yes. It’s your life, but many of your musings were finally about positively going forth, on your iwe to better things.

              I’ve chipped in before with $ for the blog & had planned on making it a more regular thing, but the reason I’ve been absent as my husband and I discussed….you cannot help someone who returns to the root of their problems to begin with. Connect the dots!?!

              I basically just couldn’t believe what I was reading that “announcement day” and just came back here tonight to see if there was still a blog of relevance or any freedom of speech yet . I’m not for pure negativity but you cannot argue and prevail over Zoe’s accuracy and logic here. (This is all that I’ve read thus far so if there is more I have not read it, this is what I hit first). You said over and over in your blog, “the woman I married/lived” does not exist anymore”. So….she transformed again?

              I figured there would be total blocking of anyone’s sentiments that didn’t agree with your decision, Rob, so I jetted, along with our donation plan. I cannot in good conscience throw good money after bad if this is the judgement given the totality of circumstances.

              I’m reading Zoe’s comments, I don’t see anything untoward? She’s making suggestions that you don’t have to take, they are only suggestions. Maybe I’ve missed something earlier there betwixt you guys but there is no comment lacking validity here, Zoe’s or Braden’s.

              This was to be a regular contribution for us, we are lucky people , but we cannot support a cause that is this….quixotic and unstable & completely contrary to SO MUCH written before . It’s like you invented a world where the past 18 months (not two years) didn’t exist. Like the words YOU wrote didn’t exist.

              I knew it though….on a subconscious level when so many asked, “why have you not done it?!” and I know it’s not expensive for an anulled marriage in Ohio….. we all knew the procrastination of the “divorce” meant there wasn’t ever going to be one. You can look at your own posts regarding Lizze being mentally ill, not able to live with Gavin again, and other assorted bon mots. Which is /was your right but you can’t expect your readers to jump up and say “yay” when the cause of pretty much all your problems was welcomed back. It’s not good for your blog, business, readership, nor family . It shows acute lack of judgement when a person not allowed alone with her own children and who you’ve called severely mentally impaired and I’ll and the old Lizze was gone….I mean is this some crazy scam ? That’s how crazy it all sounds,

              Damn, Rob, and I mean this from the heart, my family was rooting so hard for you. You had essentially escaped an emotional, narcissistic vampire and your kids were infinitely better off. I’ve rooted, prayed for you guys, sent vibes, sent money for the blog to stay afloat…..but in one fell swoop you let a master manipulator back (a few days after you said she could never live with Gavin and a court agreed she could not be alone with your kids, what on earth does that say about your judgement here?! ) I know we always get “you don’t know the whole story” .your posts told a story, and if you let her move back in, that story is invalidated or you are just making a terrible decision. At least now that all the incapacitating maladies she suffered from when with you disappeared with the new life and boyfriend and she can be an actual parent.

              My guesses include the new guy dumped her or her parents are tiring of the “new” Lizze and the time that comes with it or most importantly, she knows there’s more money coming in…….it’s so OBVIOUS. She has demonstrated zero concern for you, the burden yiu shouldered, the pain of your children. Now you screw them up again with another curve ball?!

              I’m sorry, I hate being harsh, I do, because you do so much good, but you chose to share your life and what do think a poll would bring in terms of numbers regarding your decision? Yeah, I doubt but a tiny percentage was glad Lizze was back…..but….all I can say is so much bad luck follows certain people because of the toxicity they carry or have near them. Get rid of the negativity and easier paths open up, so again good luck. I feel so bad for you because you’re probably very happy on a visceral level because as Woody Allen says, “the heart wants what it wants”. And damn the torpedoes I guess…….and while so many of us have wished you happiness, that’s the worst thing anyone could have wished upon you. A Negative Black Hole. Back again,

              I’ll go back and read what I missed but these were my thoughts upon your original “announcement” (not just me and you knew that and cut off comments) . As I have contributed money to help ($25 I know is not a lot) I would hope I get to have a say or two.

              My opinion, nor anyone’s affects your life, but as someone who asks for money and gets contributions, I would hope you’d open comments to whomever about any relevant topic unless abusive. There are some things just these two people wrote on this post that are salient and true. There are hundreds more (I’m only I’m touch with 6: all have bailed and were always loathe to contribute whilst Lizze was there before she left) . It all seems….sort of a swindle really and I’ve been a supporter of a better life for your children since I read the CNN article, both yours and Lizze’s blogs and I’m just hoping that it turns out well and you’re not the biggest sucker on Earth. My family truly wishes you well.

      2. Alyssa Rogers Williams

        Rob, I’m back for a brief respite from your blog after that announcement. It’s of course, your life and your business but even my husband just.couldbt believe your naïveté

        I will go read these comments you speak of that are so bad…….. I stopped reading because there was no Free Speech /commenting when you (I’m not being mean here, just correct) let someone who destroyed you and your kids, was banned from her kids without a supervisor present, back IN …… I would imagine animosity and ire exploded within your readership when you let that said woman banned from seeing her kids without supervision, who boasted of going out to bars and her New Life on a public Facebook page, but back when living with you couldn’t work or function as a parent and had countless imaginary, unsubstantiated illnesses that vanished magically when she left you. you wrote of her mental illness, how she could never live with Gavin….then days later you’ve reunited. Something is horribly askew here. You can’t claim Kid’s First here and not to say anything negative about Lizze “because of the kids”, because YOU wrote negative things about her already . My family supported and rooted for you , contributed money for the blog, but as my husband said, “you just can’t help some people”.

        Please, look at this from hundreds of like minded individuals. It’s insane. You’re accusing these people of being mean, or trolling or whatever but people do notice these many inconsistencies. No one is nit picking , just calling out a spade a spade when they see one.

    1. I’ve responded to her comment privately and I removed the comments because while I know she means we’ll, it wasn’t something I wanted to boys to ever read.

      I really just want to move forward.

      You’re right. She made some good points and I have nothing but respect for Alyssa bit at the end of the day I don’t want the boys ever reading some of the things that were said.

      I hope we can move forward.

    1. I’ve responded to her comment privately and I removed the comments because while I know she means we’ll, it wasn’t something I wanted to boys to ever read.

      I really just want to move forward.

      You’re right. She made some good points and I have nothing but respect for Alyssa bit at the end of the day I don’t want the boys ever reading some of the things that were said.

      I hope we can move forward.

Please Share Your Thoughts