I apologize a head of time for any typos. My eye’s are rolling into the back of my head as I’m finishing this. I’m correct any grammar blemishes in the morning.
For those who are new here, this Thanksgiving is the first Thanksgiving or holiday for that matter, that we will be spending as a family in almost two years. Lizze and I went through a separation for about 18 months and only reconciled this past June.
Things are great between her and I. The separation really had nothing to do with issues between her and I but rather what we’ve recently learned was caretaker burnout. There’s more to the story than that but that pretty much sums it up. It was a difficult time for everyone, especially the boys. I really struggled for many reasons but largely because I didn’t understand what had happened. Frankly, Lizze didn’t either at the time.
The point is, holidays were horrible for me personally. I hated every minute of us not being together as a family on the holidays and it killed me to ship the kids back and forth.
I used to dream about putting our family back together again and moving forward. The fact that we have done so, means more to me than I could ever express. Being together for Thanksgiving is something that I’m so incredibly grateful for.
Having said all that, I find that I’m too stressed out to even sleep tonight.
While the boys and I have welcomed Lizze home with open hearts and open arms, the same can’t be said for everyone. There are still some holdouts who haven’t been very welcoming, supportive or understanding of our situation. It’s difficult for people who have no experience in things like special needs parenting, to understand how that can take a toll on a person after well over a decade.
The reason I’m so stressed out is because family isn’t supposed to be this way. No family is perfect, least of all mine but I wish I was able to count on everyone the way they have always been able to count on me. I feel like maybe we should be keeping to ourselves for right now. I know this weighs heavy on Lizze and it certainly does for me.
I’m very preoccupied with how everything is going to work out today.
Truthfully, I’m feeling pretty nervous about seeing Lizze’s side of the family after so long. It’s just a difficult situation all around and it’s not like this is all we have going on either.
Gavin’s very clearly going downhill in several ways and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it aside from helplessly watching.
I’m overly sensitive at this point in time and I’m fiercely protective of my family. It’s not been an easy couple of days with Gavin and I’m pretty much constantly on edge.
I want so badly for us to be able to have a great Thanksgiving, especially since this is the first one is two years we get to spend together. I’m really overwhelmed and at this point, I’m almost wishing to just skip the whole damn thing and just focus on Lizze and the boys. That would be hiding from a problem though and I don’t usually do that.
Perhaps I’ll feel better if I can get a good night’s sleep. I was up with Emmett last night until well after midnight and that’s not making matters easier for me.
Despite the tone of this post, I’m going to remain as positive as I can and make the best out of the time I get to spend with both our families.
Thanks for listening….