I'm trying to focus on doing better -

I’m trying to focus on doing better


Today was pretty rough. I spent a good chunk of it sleeping. It’s been body aches, headaches, nausea, cold sweats, and of course, my personal favorite, extreme exhaustion. I haven’t eaten much today and I’ve been trying to stay hydrated as best I can.

I ended up mowing the lawn this evening and I definitely regret that decision. It was so hot but the yard was only going to get longer. It’s supposed to storm tonight and I wanted to try and push myself to get it done. Not one of my better decisions, if I’m being honest.

Emmett and I also took the dogs around the block a couple of times before I called it quits for the day. It wasn’t a super long walk but I want to stay in the habit of doing that because it’s important.

I’m siting here writing this and the AC is on and I’m sweaty. I feel gross and uncomfortable but I’m pretty sure this is all part of the side effects from the booster. My arm is starting to hurt less and hopefully, tomorrow will roll around and I’ll only have to contend with the emotional shit I’ve been struggling with. I know the timing for getting the booster was not optimal, but it is a necessary evil.

Gavin is next and then the boys. Although, Elliott just had COVID so he may have to wait. The rest of us never tested positive.

I can’t take any chances with Gavin and COVID is getting worse right now, so boosters it is.

I have so much to get done in the morning. I have Friday’s episode to get ready, at least one meeting, and I have to get the boys to therapy. I’m really hoping that I’ll be feeling better if I get a good nights sleep. I’m so tired and just want to close my eyes for several days.

Anyway, aside from what I shared above, it’s pretty much status quo. I’m still struggling and I’m not sure how to pull myself out of it. I’m trying very hard to focus on myself but it’s not going so well. I absolutely have to get Gavin’s name change filed this week. I absolutely have to attend these meetings. It’s incredibly important that I get the kids to the therapist after dinner, and I still have to produce Fridays podcast episode. I’m still metaphorically spending more than I’m putting back. Some of these things are one and done type things so that’s a plus. Checking things off my list will probably feel pretty good.

At the end of the day, I’m doing the best I can. I know it’s not enough and that everyone needs more from me but I’m not holding anything back. When I fall short, and I absolutely fall short, it’s not for lack of trying. I’m trying very hard to be okay with that right now but depression sucks and messes with my head.

Everyday is a new chance to do better. I’m going to focus on doing better and see where that gets me.

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