Am I the only parent who struggled with this? -

Am I the only parent who struggled with this?


I’ve been meaning to talk about this for a while because I think we should be open and honest about this. Here we go.

I’ve been very focused on Gavin transitioning into adulthood. He’s almost 23 years old, and this has been a long time coming. It’s also been met with several delays, mainly due to COVID.

Anyway, one of the things I struggled with was admitting that Gavin moving out was in everyone’s best interests. It’s in Gavin’s best interest, but it’s best for the rest of us as well. This is where I’ve struggled emotionally with this whole thing.

Gavin is among the most amazing humans I’ve ever known, but he’s not always easy to coexist with. His behaviors can be overwhelming and very frustrating for me as well as his younger brothers. This isn’t anything against Gavin because frankly, we drove him crazy as well. Hence the whole it’s best for everyone involved thing.

Here’s the thing. Moving him out of the house has felt like he was being sacrificed for the good of everyone else. I know that’s not the case, and I also understand that this is absolutely what he wants, but as a parent, it’s not always easy to parse those feelings.

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Kristi

Hi Rob,

I can totally relate and I’m right there with you! My non verbal son is 27 and we are looking for his forever home. My husband and I are not getting any younger and I know the time will come when we will be gone and he will be leaving his life without us. That being said trying to find the right placement for him has been a real struggle down here in southern Florida. given the fact he’s nonverbal. It’s even harder to know if I’m eating what he wants and what he needs or just trying to figure it out based on what I think. Like you, I don’t want him to feel unwanted or abandoned, but I know if we don’t address this now I don’t want to have to do it during a period of crisis. Good luck to you and I wish you all the best. Know your are not alone on this one.

Kristi-RainMomm
rainmomm.com

Laurie McGrath

Hi Rob
Our son is 27 now but we also started his “Interdependence Journey” when he was 23. It was a long process with lots of planning.
preparing him (and us ) at home for the expectations and “chores” he would need to do when on his own. We had a “helpful book”of safety rules etc. The first year we eased into it one step at a time. Each year holds new objectives.
Honestly please so not feel guilty. We all have a far better relationship now than we did when we lived together as adults. We had a very good relationship don’t get me wrong but it was time. It was good for him; our daughter and me.
He is proud of his achievements now and feels
better about himself and his future. His confidence has improved and he is more willing to try new things. Don’t get me wrong. There are still tough days. But we get through them.. we keep supports in place. We can now begin to see what his life will be like when we are gone. We still have work to do and will always worry but take the leap if you can, it will be worth it!

laurie

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