He scared the shit out of me tonight

The boys and I had a pretty good day. Gavin of course had a good day, or was at least in a good mood. Gavin is nothing if not chronically happy. It can honestly be annoying sometimes but it's also something that I truly admire about him.. ☺ The only significant problem with Gavin was that he couldn't remember if he'd taken his Clozapine when he took his bedtime meds. He became very upset with himself for being unable to remember. Counting the pills wouldn't help either because of the refill timing. Just trust me on that. Counting the pills left in the bottle wouldn't help right now because we couldn't be certain. I have to assume he took it even if he didn't. The reason being that he'll be…

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I took all 3 of my #Autistic kids to the grocery store today

My claim to fame today has been taking all three on my Autistic kids grocery shopping. Everyone did really well and I couldn't be prouder or more grateful for their cooperation. I often feel like I'm in over my head but today, they made a challenging situation a bit more manageable. ☺ We ended up at Walmart because major grocery shopping is usually cheaper there. We buy a lot of frozen fruit and veggies for smoothies. It's definitely cheaper than Giant Eagle, even though I prefer them over Walmart. The most challenging part of the trip was deciding on air fresheners. When Lizze was here, we couldn't have anything fragrant because they triggered her migraines. Now it's just a matter of agreeing in what we want the house to smell…

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I have 6 short-term goals as I begin to rebuild our lives

I have a couple of short-term goals in regards to rebuilding our lives. I, of course, also have long-term goals as well but for now, I'm not in a place that I'm really focusing on them. The Kids The single most important goal I have is to get my kids through this. That means helping them establish a footing in this new world they've found themselves in. I think it's important that we establish solid routines and that I provide a more ridged structure for them. Autistic kids thrive on routine and structure, because it's predictable. I have goals for each of the kids that are unique to each one of them. Just as an example: Emmett hasn't slept in his own bed since August 10th. I don't mind him…

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One of the challenges #Autistic children face with visitation is the transition between locations

The boys had a good visit with their mom yesterday and that's always a good thing. It's still difficult for them to say goodbye when they come home. They're glad to be home but it's just tough for them. It's difficult for Autistic kids to transition from one place to another, even when it's a largely positive experience. When emotions are involved, it can be even more difficult. I pretty much had the first half of the day to myself. The boys got home around 1 PM and we had a mostly quiet day. I remember that the last time we went through this, they needed the day to sorta decompress. I say that not because the visits are bad, but because it's emotional and they overstimulate quiet easily. This…

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Does time really heal all wounds?

I made it through what I thought was going to be a difficult night. I'm so glad the kids can go visit their mom but at the same time, I hate that any of this is even necessary in the first place. I don't know what to do without them. I'm almost never alone and haven't been for damn near twenty years. All of a sudden I find myself with no one around me and it's uncomfortable. Maybe that sounds weird. Having said that, I feel like I had a pretty good night. I ordered a pizza and watched a couple of movies. I did some work around the house before calling it a night. My brain still can't wrap itself around everything that's happened. I understand as much as…

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I keep telling myself that it’s all gonna be okay

Well, the kids are visiting their mom tonight. I still can't believe those words are even coming out of my mouth, but they are. I have so many mixed feelings about this but I'm definitely happy that the kids are seeing their mom. That's so important to me and I will go to the ends of the Earth to support that. On the other hand, I'm heartbroken and lonely. Right after they left, I cut the grass for the first time in weeks. I honestly didn't care about the yard for awhile but poor Ruby disappeared into the grass and we couldn't see her anymore. It was time and I forced myself to get it done. It was a battle but I fought the lawn and I won. ☺ With…

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We had a f*cking awesome morning and this is why

We've had a great start to the day. Elliott was dragging his feet, as many teenagers do at this age but the important thing is that he went to school willingly. It's also important to note that the school hasn't called. Dammit, I probably just jinxed everything. Anyway, Emmett was also in a great mood as well. I've not had one person scream at me today and that feels pretty good. ☺ Just to show how positive the morning has been, we even took a silly selfie on the way to school. They've not been in the mood to do that recently and it's something we used to do all the time. As we were walking out the door, someone suggested bringing Harley (our cat) for the ride. Emmett really…

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I’m so grateful for these 3 amazing things that happened yesterday

Admittedly, I had a really really bad day yesterday and I had a difficult time seeing any positives as a result. Last night I had bizarre, divorce related nightmares. It was the kind of nightmares where I woke up suddenly, in a cold sweat. That said, I did sleep some and I'm grateful for that. Part of me feels recharged enough to recognize that we had some positive things sprinkled into our lives yesterday. I want to start the new day by focusing on them. There aren't in any particular order. It's the order my brain is stringing my thoughts together this morning. So, yeah.. Yesterday I took the plunge and made pepperoni rolls more from scratch. I used raw pizza dough and sandwich pepperoni. I made a batch while…

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