I don’t know if you’re new here or not but in case you are, you should know that I see a therapist every Wednesday. I feel like it’s important to share that because there’s too much stigma surrounding therapy. My therapist is awesome and she’s helping me to deal with everything I’ve been through.
I feel like I’m doing okay. I’ve moved on from my marriage ending and I no longer carry that pain around. Therapy has really helped with that.
Unfortunately, some things can’t be learned in therapy and are only learned through life experience. I’ve not written like this in a long time but I just feel like I need to dig down and put my thoughts into words.
There’s a lot of stress associated with being an autism parent, especially a single one, and COVID isn’t helping at all. There are so many parents struggling right now and I’m definitely one of them.
I know some of you get down on yourselves because you feel like you’re failing, or you don’t have it all together, or you’re dropping the ball or you could be doing better. I can totally relate to that. You may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, and utterly exhausted. Guess what? You’re not alone. I feel the same way, quite frequently actually.
I’m not sure who needs to hear this but you’re fucking awesome. You’re not awesome because I think you’re perfect. No one’s perfect. You’re awesome because no matter how hard things get, you keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you’re anything like me, you don’t have superpowers and the amount of responsibility you have is so far beyond overwhelming it feels like you’re being crushed and you can’t breathe. I know what that’s like.
I’m sure you stumble, make mistakes and focus on your perceived failures, ignoring all you manage to accomplish in spite of the challenge. I’m telling you, I do the same goodamn thing.
There are times, far too many times if I’m being honest, that I let the Xbox occupy my kids so I can work. Sometimes it’s just because I need to hide from the world for a little bit, and you know what, that’s okay.
What makes you awesome is that you keep getting back up. That takes an inner strength that not everyone possesses. We all fall down and there are plenty of times that I just want to stay there. But you know what, I don’t and neither do you. We always find a way to get up at least more time than we fall and that is fucking awesome.
If I had a dime for everytime someone told me I don’t know how you do it or you’re a super Dad, I’d be Bill Gates rich. The truth is, sometimes I just want to scream that I’m drowning. I appreciate the kind words, but when I’m in survival mode, I need an outstretched hand. I need someone to really see me and understand that I’m not okay, at least not in that moment.
I guess I just want you to know that I see you. I see the pain, exhaustion, stress and worry. I see you.
Sometimes we just need to know that someone out there sees us. This life we have isn’t easy. The challenges are immense but the rewards can be pretty amazing as well.
When things get too heavy to carry, it’s okay to put them down for a little bit. It’s important that we make time for ourselves because we deserve to be a priority.
Lastly, remember that you’re fucking awesome and you got this… ☺