As you know by now, I finalized my divorce about a week ago. If you been following for any length of time, you know that this was an emotionally complicated experience for me. This wasn’t something I wanted and I didn’t understand what happened.
Fast forward a year and a half, and I’ve accepted that my marriage was ending. I’m not happy about it but I do understand it’s for the best.
As I’ve said before, the person I married doesn’t exist anymore. It’s not meant to be an insult to her either. People change and she totally acknowledges that. One of the complicated things for me is coming to grips with this. It’s been challenging for me at times and dealing with depression doesn’t help.
My whole point is this. It’s been a difficult couple of years and it all reached its conclusion last week. That’s not a bad thing. Conclusion brings closure and closure brings peace.
I came home from my court hearing and basically crashed. I’ve been physically and emotionally exhausted to the point I can’t always think straight. Special needs parenting isn’t easy to begin with and if you pulled random special needs parents, I can pretty much guarantee that physical and emotional exhaustion are a common theme.
Rather than push myself to pick my life back up and move forward, I decided to give myself one week to grieve this change to my life and after that, I needed to push forward. I didn’t beat myself up over straying from dieting or exercising or anything else. I will say that I did gain 1lb but I can live with that.
Tonight was sort of my last hurrah before pushing forward with my life. We cooked out on the grill and dinner was delicious.
Tomorrow morning marks one week and I think for the most part, I’m in a pretty good place. Giving myself a week to focus on only the most important things, allowed me to recover enough that I can begin moving forward. It’s not going to be perfect or easy. It’s not going to always be pretty or straightforward either. I totally understand that and I’m going to take things one day at a time. I think that’s a good approach.
I’m making a concerted effort to focus on self care. Finding a better work/parenting balance is important and that’s currently a work in progress. To be honest, all of me is a work in progress.
I’m going to enjoy this last night of time off and get back to moving my life and the lives of my amazing kiddos forward.