Not knowing is killing me

It's been the longest day ever. I've been waiting for the phone call to deliver the news about Gavin's lab results but that call never came. Unfortunately, this isn't one of those no news is good kinda things. This is one of those the lab didn't fax the results or the doctor just didn't call kinda things. We'll know this afternoon for sure but the wait is killing me. I need to know what's going on with Gavin and not knowing is killing me.

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I age 5 years everytime this happens

I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor in regards to Gavin's lab results. The only way I can explain how excruciating this wait is for would be to relate it to a young child on Christmas Eve. Maybe that's a bad example. It's not the excitement but rather the extreme anxiety of knowing it's coming but having to wait. I swear to God I age five years each time something like this happens. 🙁 I'm trying to remain positive because it could very well be temporary good news. I just have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can't seem to shake it.

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I’m worried about Gavin and scared to get the results

One of the things I hate most in life is waiting. We all have to wait for things but waiting for medical test results, especially when it's serious and in regards to your child. I've said this a million times over the years but all we can do now is hurry up and wait. Gavin's labs should be done this afternoon and we'll likely hear from the doctor mid-afternoon. All I want to hear is that his numbers are climbing back up and everything is going to be okay. Unfortunately, even if that's the case, we still don't know why this keeps happening. I'm exhausted, stressed out, worried beyond belief and overwhelmed by everything. It's truly awful when all you can do is hurry up wait.

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A lot rides on this morning’s outcome

Gavin's going to have his labs drawn again this morning, in hopes that the previous results were in error. You may remember that I received a call yesterday, delivering the bad news that Gavin's labs came back and the numbers were not good. I'm really nervous about what the results are going to be. The only thing that has changed since yesterday is that the doctor called back and scheduled Gavin for an emergency appointment on Thursday. The plan for this morning is a bit chaotic. I have to get Emmett to school, drop Lizze at the doctors, take Gavin for his bloodwork and pick Lizze back up. Somewhere in there I'll have to stop gas. I'm praying that Lizze doesn't have walking Pneumonia and that Gavin's labs are better.…

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I’ve got heartbreaking news

I received a phone call this morning from Dr. Reynolds office. I assumed they were calling to move our appointment again but I was wrong. Apparently, Gavin's labs from yesterday came in and his numbers are dropping again. Right before we left for Florida, he had labs drawn. His Absolute Neutrophil was 3 and his White Cell count was 5 at the time. Unfortunately, his labs from yesterday show a sharp drop. His Absolute Neutrophil is 2 and his White Cell count is 3. This means one of four things: The Clozapine has nothing to do with this. The Clozapine is causing this and he's going to have to completely detoxed from it to know for sure. The Clozapine may had caused permanent damage. This is part of CVID and…

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Please God, help Emmett survive the day

I didn't sleep worth a damn last night. I managed to fall asleep shortly before the alarm went off. Lizze sent me back to bed because she's amazing. Next thing I know, I'm being drafted into a massive battle with Emmett, who's refusing to go to school again. This was the worst morning he's had in a very long time. It was his crocs that were the problem today. He simply couldn't get comfortable and longer this went on, the worse it got. Between several calls to the school and the principal getting on the phone to try and talk Emmett through this, we finally got him in the car. Unfortunately, by that time, we were almost an hour late. I'm more exhausted now than I was before, only I…

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Gavin had a massive meltdown and it sucked

Lizze and I have been keeping a close eye on Gavin. We always keep a close eye on Gavin but more so now because of his medication changes. Gavin had another meltdown yesterday evening over something that wasn't a big deal, at least not to us. Gavin is always asking for ways he can help and typically won't stop until we give him something to do. If we don't, he gets this sad expression on his face and will repeatedly return, asking the same question. Some of the things Gavin has been doing are the laundry (putting into the washer and switching to the dryer), dishes, managing the recycling and helping with the pets. All these things are important life skills he needs to know anyway, and the more practice…

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