Today was a really difficult day for many reasons. Some of those reasons are obvious and some I won't be talking about right now. Perhaps someday, I'll have the courage to open up more than I have previously. As for the many things I will talk about, it was rough. The funeral went about as well an any funeral could go. It was sad but handled beautifully. It was heartbreaking but there was celebration at the same time. I picked the boys up from school after the cemetery, while Lizze rode back to the church with her cousin. The boys ended up having a fun with their cousins and we spent a bit more time with family before heading our separate ways. This whole week has taken its toll on…

First things first. Calling hours were really nice, at least as far as calling hours go. Lizze's family did a beautiful job and while it was sad, it was a positive experience, filled with a lifetime of memories. If I told you Lizze was okay, that wouldn't be true, but in time she will be. The boys are really struggling. They're dealing with all of this in a different way. They aren't crying or expressing emotion in that regard. What they are doing is absorbing all the emotion around them and become so overwhelmed, they don't know what to do. They're having a hard time sleeping and they're very easily frustrated. We're seeing an increase in meltdowns and fighting. As much as we try to shield them from our emotions,…

Today is a total fucking mess. Lizze found something to wear but I needed to go find something at the store. I spent three hours trying to find a goddamn pair of pants and a shirt. I've lost 40 pounds but it's still frustrating trying to find pants or clothes in general. I finally found the big and tall section but it was super tiny and not very helpful. I found a sweater and a pair of pants but I was so frazzled at end that I'm about to lose my fucking mind. As I was getting dressed and ready to leave for calling hours, I noticed the pants are frayed in the knee. I need to take them back and swap them out for another pair that doesn't have…