It’s been a roller-coaster week for me. The last month has been challenging for me on a number of levels and I’m trying to work my way through it. There’s so much going on in my life at the moment and I’m trying to stay on top of everything.
Work is keeping me busy, which is a great. Things are going well and business is growing. I just landed a major partnership that is honestly, kinda life altering for us. It’s a long time coming and I’m very grateful for the opportunity. I’m so excited to get the ball rolling with that and I’ll have more to share next week. All good stuff.
I finally got in to see my primary care physician to discuss the results of my ADHD testing from a couple mo ths back, and go over my recent lab work.
My labs came back and almost everything was in good shape but my liver enzymes were elevated, and we’re not sure why. I looks like it may have just been a fluke but I’m redoing the labs in 4 weeks and following up in 6 weeks. My ADHD brain is freaking out a little bit about but the reality is that it’s probably just a lab error or just something weird that happened. Everything else is in really good shape and I’m trying to remain focused on the facts. When you’re dealing with depression, a bit of catastrophic thinking can sneak its way in. The ADHD latches onto it and does endless laps in my head.
I’m a very logical person at my core and I know I’m overreacting to something that’s isn’t a huge deal. When those thoughts are constant, it can erode away rational thought a bit. I can’t tell you how many times Gavin’s has had labs done and the results were concerning. Follow up labs usually found that everything was okay and it was either fluke, lab error, or ultimately nothing to worry about.
I’m really glad to see that all the rest of my numbers are great. My blood pressure was a little high at 130/90 but I was really stressed out, and I think that will be fine as well. My weight remains stable, which is good because it’s means I’m not gaining but I’m also not losing. While its been stable over most of this year, I have put some of the weight back on that I lost last year. Some of that is probably depression related but also, I have been neglecting myself, and not always making healthy choices. It’s a pretty easy fix and I need to refocus on selfcare.
Being a single parent is not easy. Being a single parent without any involvement from the other parent is even more challenging, both physically and emotionally. When all 3 of your kids are Neurodiverse, and you’re building/growing a business, that lack of help or support hits pretty hard. It is what it is and I’ve accepted that but acceptance doesn’t always make the reality on the ground easier to deal with and that’s sorta where I’m at.
I’m also navigating some challenging teenage stuff. I have one kid who’s dating, and another one going into his freshman year, in a mainstream school for the very first time. Let’s not forget Gavin who’s working very hard to move out and establish himself on his own. It’s a little overwhelming trying to manage all this stuff on top of my own personal challenges, work, and the multitude of unfinished projects I have going on around the house.
I also want to expand on some of what I just said. It’s one of those mixed emotion type things for me but it’s positive and needs to be highlighted.
After a morning’s worth of meetings, I spent the afternoon with Emmett. We were at his freshman orientation. He’s a freshmen this year at the same mainstream high school Elliott switched to last school year. Emmett is so excited. We met most of his teachers, and one of them is actually an old friend on mine I haven’t seen in 20 years. That was really cool and they’re gonna keep an eye on Emmett. That’s definitely comforting .
The most important thing is that Emmett is comfortable, excited, and looking forward to going all in on the high school experience.
It was a tough afternoon because while I’m so proud of him and everything he’s accomplished, he’s the baby and is going to be a freshman in high school. I’ve been reflecting a lot on my life today and this is a pretty big milestone. I’m still kinda processing that realization but I’m excited to see him grow in this new environment.
In other exciting news, Best Buy will be here in the morning to install the new TV. It’s being mounted above the fire place and once that’s done, the living room will finally be complete. The TV has needed replaced for amoat a year now but it hasn’t been a priority for me. It’s under warranty and that warranty was expiring at the end of the year, so I had to get this done. I’m looking forward to checking this off my list and beginning make progress on the next project that currently sits unfinished.
It looks like it’s going to be converting the office into a recording studio. That’s going to be a fun project and I’ve decided to do that next because I need a dedicated space to work. With the business growing, a studio is an absolute necessity. I’ve got a ton of ideas and I’m excited to get this started.
Anyway, I wanted to catch you up. It’s been a minute since I’ve written and I really needed to spend some time writing tonight. I’ve been struggling lately and I’m not sure if it’s burnout, or depression. Maybe a bit of both or something else entirely. I’m working through it and I feel like I’m making progress. I’ve been interviewed a few times in the last week or two and I was reminded how good of a job I’m doing, especially under the circumstances. I’m trying to keep that in mind and not be so hard on myself but you know…..good luck with that. Lol
I’m going to be fine. In fact, life is dramatically improving, but it’s harder for me to accept or embrace that while stuff in this headspace. It’s just something I have to work through but I’ll get there. I’m strong, resourceful, pretty good at what I do, a decent Dad, and honestly, far to stubborn to quit. I know the future looks bright and I also know that it will be easier to see that as I work through some of this emotional stuff. Until then, it’s facts over feelings, and one foot in front of the other.
That pretty much gets you all caught up and I think that’s about it for the moment. It’s really late and the installers are going to be here bright and early, so I’m off to bed. We’ll talk soon.