What I’ve learned after 50 days of #COVID19 lockdown

The boys and I have been on lockdown for a total of 50 days today. When you think about that, it's crazy. 50 days of not going anywhere and not having contact with anyone outside of ourselves. I feel Ike this is a pretty big milestone and we should recognize that. It's not uncommon for me to beat myself up for my shortcomings, of which I feel there are many. Things are challenging and I believe I should be doing better. I can't tell you how many times I feel like I'm failing my kids. Those feeling will probably always be there, at least to some degree. The truth is, my job is difficult and the reality is, all things considered, I'm sorta kicking ass. It's not perfect because I'm…

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#COVID19 Lockdown: Day 44

I'm happy to share that we had a pretty decent day. Nothing spectacularly amazing took place but neither did anything catestrophic. Considering we're on day 44 of COVID19 lockdown, I'm counting that as a win. Gavin's having some issues with his temper but nothing too concerning at this point. It's notable because it's likely related to his medication changes. It's more that he's easily frustrated right now and truthfully, there are many factors at play, including lockdown. I have a very, very busy week ahead of me. Obviously I don't have any appointments outside the home but I have five Zoom meeting in the next four days and likey a few more that aren't yet finalized. It looks like I'll be on TV again this week and once I have…

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My kids deserve the best version of me

If I rated my sleep last night on a scale of 1 to 10, it would probably be a 4. I've had better but I've also had worse. I didn't get to bed until well after midnight and that is something I'm trying very hard to correct because I need to take better care of myself. Self-care is so important and yet it's so hard to practice. I've spoken about self-care countless times over the years and I'll continue to do so moving forward. It's just that important. Right now, the COVID19 lockdown has everyone in the country on edge. The stress level across the board is palpable. That level of stress increases exponentially when you're an Autism or Special Needs parent. It increases exponentially if you have a loved…

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Day 42: We’re still here

We're on day 42 of total COVID19 lockdown and I don't know, does that count as some kind of milestone? It probably should. 😂 It's been a pretty interesting day. The kids are holding it together and that's amazing. We're not without our challenges but it could absolutely be worse, at least in this exact moment. Gavin's IVIG Infusion supplies arrived this afternoon and that's always a big relief to get his new shipments. It especially stressful right now and having these show up on time means I can check them off my list of things I need to worry about. We should be having a relatively quiet weekend and I could really use a break from any unnecessary stress. I'm trying very hard to find a few moments throughout…

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There’s Good News and Bad News

I feel like we had a fantastic day, at least as far as living through a global pandemic and being locked down are concerned. I was relatively productive today and I'm proud of myself for that. The boys weren't too anxious today and Gavin was back to feeling like Gavin again after a very rough night of withdraw symptoms. I have an update to share about that and I'll get to it shortly. I was able to get the kids out for a short drive this afternoon. It took some coaxing but everyone agreed to go. We drove through the car wash and then around the park. We were going to stop by the garden center and walk around for a bit but the park was loaded with people, not…

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After 39 days on lockdown, I took my kids out for a bit

We've been in the house for 39 days now. With the exception of going out into the yard, we've not gone anywhere. We're staying home to protect Gavin, ourselves and all of you. I was able to convince everyone to leave the house for a little while today. We took the car through the car wash and went for a short drive. We didn't get out of the car and we wore our masks. We were safe and careful but also astonished by the insane amount of people not social distancing. There were people playing basketball, pickle ball and groups of kids riding their bikes and people watching the track in groups. Not one time did we see anyone wearing a mask and that's scary. People were well inside of…

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I’m seeing behavioral changes and some are concerning

I wanted to devote an entire post to talking about how Gavin's doing. I haven't really updated in a little while because it's been pretty much status quo. That's not a bad thing but unfortunately, it can't last forever. Gavin is officially off the Clozapine and seems to be withdraw free. That's a very good thing. He needed an extra step in the weaning process and that seems to have eliminated the negative symptoms from a week ago. The issue now is that Gavin is unmedicated and not easy to cope with. It is however, what I knew would happen but I didn't feel I had much of a choice. I thought I would share some of my observations in regards to changes in his behavior. The only way I…

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I’m without direction today

It's 11am EST and 2 of my 3 kids are still sleeping. I'm slowly starting my day but feel like I'm lacking direction. Poor Emmett was having nightmares throughout the night. He's been glued to me all night long. If he wasn't wrapped around my arm, he'd panic. I really need to find a way to get him back into his own bed. He was still struggling with his mom leaving when this all happened. Now everything is much more complicated and difficult. I'm pretty sure today is Sunday, which also means it's Easter. For the first time ever, we're not celebrating. No one feels like celebrating and frankly, I'm just too tired at this point, to really care one way or the other. I'm not proud of that and…

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