I’m trying very hard to focus on what I can control

So I'm feeling a little better as the night progresses. The boys are nowhere near ready for bed and sleep has become harder to come by than is was pre-pandemic. I'm trying to focus what little energy I have into positive things. I've got 2 recordings that need mixed and at least one more scheduled for this coming week. If I can get the house sorta quiet, I'll record the rest of what needs to be recorded in order to start mixing them. It's a pleasant distraction for right now. I also decided that we need a place outside, where we can be safely away from everyone else. I started cleaning off my balcony. It's what used to be a called a sleeper porch back in the day. It's not…

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I’m so fucking overwhelmed

I'm trying to write more but the truth is, I'm barely fucking hanging on right now. Last night, in a massive emotional outbursts, Emmett ripped up his schoolwork. He wasn't trying to be difficult or oppositional. He's so overwhelmed by everything and simply not coping well. We've officially crossed a line with the schoolwork at this point. There isn't a child in this country who's education isn't totally fucked up right now. This is causing my kids far too much distress and me too much anxiety. I'm fucking done. I'm fighting feelings of being a total parenting failure right now but the truth is, I'm failing either way. If I force my kids to continue doing the busy work, I'm letting them down because it's clearly not in their best…

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My kids had their first telemedicine appointment yesterday

It's been a few days since I've written. Things are getting rough here in The Autism Dad household and I'd be lying if I told you I was doing fine, because I'm not. Not at all. The kids are absolutely overwhelmed, anxious, overstimulated, angry, frustrated and fucking terrified. They're absolutely terrified and it's not easy to reassure them because they're too smart. They know how bad this is and while I constantly reinforce that we're safe because we're socially isolating, they aren't feeling better about it. I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom but this shit is crazy. This is about as serious as it gets and I can look out my window throughout the day and see countless people not taking this seriously. The boys and I…

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So we’re not homicidal yet and I suppose that’s good

I hope you're all doing well. It's been a longer day than usual and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Longer days seem to slow life down a bit and I'm okay with that. We're still hanging in there and so far, none of us are overtly homicidal yet. That's always a good thing, right? Of course it is. Anyway, first some housekeeping things. The podcast episode for this week will air Friday afternoon-ish. The audio is mixed and uploaded, I'm just needing to finish the artwork and show notes. I'm too tired to get that all done tonight. I'll give you a quick rundown of the this week's episode. I speak with Aaron Shute from Brain Power. They are using Google Glass and augmented reality to help kids and…

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My chest is heavy with anxiety tonight

So things are getting a bit more challenging as the days drag on. Emmett is becoming increasingly frustrated with his schoolwork and I hate the idea of continuing to force this additional stress on him. The work isn't too hard, he's just overwhelmed by life and homework seems unnecessary. The boys haven't been going to bed before midnight for the last week or so. They are too anxious and stressed out to easily shutdown at the end of the day. I decided that I needed to regain some control in this area because life on lockdown is hard enough as it is. Trying to cope while sleep deprived is much more difficult. I shut everything down about 8 PM tonight. Emmett was really worked up over his schoolwork and experiencing…

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The Truth About How I’m doing

It's been a couple of days since I've written anything. We're struggling but holding our own, at the same time. My brain is completely fried and I'm exhausted. I haven't been able to fall asleep for the last week or so. By the time I manage to pass out, it's about 6AM and I'm able to sneak a couple hours in before the kids are demanding my attention. Sometimes I can steal a nap but my whole cycle is thrown off and it's taking its toll. I desperately need to find the reset button for my circadian rhythm. The kids are doing okay but this is taking its toll on them as well. They're anxious, cranky and climbing the walls. Brotherly spats are more frequent and their inside voices aren't…

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Why I’m grateful for today

It's been a really good day, at least as far as apocalyptic pandemics go. I feel like we're going pretty good right now. There hasn't been a great deal of fighting and I even got my laundry done. Well, by done I mean washed and dried. I still have to fold, sort and put away. Progress is progress though. I had a couple of meetings today and have so really cool things coming down the shoot. As I get more details, I'll share them with you. I have a few interviews scheduled for next week and I'm really excited to get things back on track. Emmett may join me once again because really had fun the last time. I've received so much positive feedback about that episode and I had…

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How I’m continuing therapy during #COVID19 lockdown

I have my second online therapy session today. My therapist moved everything online and that's definitely a good idea. Online therapy is a bit weird for me because I prefer being face to face with people when I'm speaking or listening to them but we all have to make adjustments. I thought I would give you a quick look at how I have my online therapy setup. Doing this doesn't have to be super complicated and I don't really do anything special. My phone is mounted on the mic arm I use my podcast and simply I put in a pair of wireless earbuds, currently using the Galaxy Buds + by Samsung, cause they came free with my phone. I just sit at my recording table and have a video…

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