A little overcompensation here and a little overcompensation there

So I've been avoiding talking about specifically what caused my marriage to implode and that's not going to change. Truthfully, there's a great deal I still don't understand myself and probably never will. Having said that, I do feel that it's fair and even important to speak about what I'm personally experiencing as a single parent because there's others out there going through similar things. Please don't read into anything because nothing I say is intended to be subtext. If you read last night's post, it was pretty clear that I was not in a good place. I was hurt, frustrated and even a little angry, but not at my kids. Thankfully, today has been a better day thus far. One of the things I'm struggling with is overcompensation. It's…

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It f*cking hurts to know that I’m not enough

We've had a busy day and while it's been mostly positive, there are some things that have my stress and anxiety through the roof. Okay. So the kids had a birthday party this afternoon and it was really nice. Emmett's friend is a sweet kid and his family is pretty amazing as well. It was fun and actual adult company is sorely lacking in my life. The bad news starts with Elliott dropping his phone at the party and shattering the screen. He's absolutely beside himself and has been in a horrible mood since it happened. He cannot cope with loss right now and this feels like a major loss to him. The yellow lines run alongside the cracks to show where they are. Some of the cracks are raised,…

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My kids should have fun today and that makes me happy

We have a pretty fun day planned. Emmett has a birthday party to attend and Elliott and Gavin are welcome to attend as well. We're ready to go as soon as the laundry is done and it will be done in plenty of time. The kids don't have a visit this weekend because we're trying to work into a more regular schedule. This is a very complicated situation and not easy to navigate. It's very important that we get the kids on a regular schedule as soon as possible. Beyond that, I think I'll take the kids hiking tomorrow, assuming the weather holds up. I'm trying to keep them as active as possible and that's taking some creativity. The only thing everyone can typically agree on is hiking. If I…

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It could absolutely be worse

It's been a difficult year for my family. We lost two beloved family members and have faced some recent changes in our lives that have been very painful. Everyone is coping in their own way and healing in their own time. In Gavin's case, his condition has been to his advantage. He just accepts whatever he's told and therefore he's actually in a pretty good place. That's definitely a blessing. Anyway, the whole point of this is that there are a million reasons to be miserable right now. Truthfully, there are times that I am and I think that's to be expected. At the same time, I never want to lose focus of the positive because it's a slippery slope. As I'm sitting here, I'm paying attention to the positive…

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When you’re a #specialneeds parent, these things will happen

Today has not gone as planned. I needed to get the kids to school, go walking and be done in time to do an interview for next week's episode. I was supposed to speak with Annette Hines, author of the best selling book, Butterflies and Second Chances: A Mom’s Memoir of Love and Loss. I had everything setup for my 11 AM interview and literally at 10:59 AM, the phone rang and it was the school telling me that Elliott was sick. I was a little flustered because I hate canceling anything, let alone at the last minute. Annette was so kind and understanding. I totally appreciate that. Being a special needs parent means that thing will come up at the last minute and there's nothing that can be done…

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New Episode: Joel Manzer (S2E2)

In this week's episode of The Autism Dad podcast, I speak with my good friend Joel Manzer of Autisable. We talk about his current endeavors to benefit the Autism community, as well as have a discussion about some things that going on in the community that cause tension. We have some opinions. Whatever you do, don't miss out. ☺ This episode is sponsored by lakikid.com

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Despite the heartache, I’m grateful for this one thing

It's been a long morning so far. Elliott and Emmett weren't moving very fast today. We did however, make it to school, albeit a little late. Truthfully, they weren't really late, just later than we aim for. They're going to hang out with their mom and grandma this afternoon for a couple hours, so I'll have a brief reprieve. I've said this before but I will say it many more times going forward. It doesn't matter what happened between their mother and I. That's a grownup situation. My personal feelings can't play a roll in deciding what's best for the kids. I think it's great that the kids get to see their mom. Frankly, I would be upset if they couldn't. Ideally, kids should have access to both parents and…

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It’s been a frustrating couple of days but……

It's been a frustrating couple of days but also kinda exciting. The kids are beginning to stay afloat for the most part and while school seems to be going better-ish, Elliott's not sleeping and Emmett is very much struggling with impulse control, like a lot. It's probably an ADHD and anxiety combo but it's proving difficult to manage. At least he's doing well at school. I'd rather have issues at home than at school. We had a very emotional therapy session last night and I meet with Lizze, Pattie and my amazing (and I mean that) mother in law tonight to hash some things out. Hopefully, this will prove a positive thing and everyone benefits from it, especially the kids. ☺ As for the exciting part of things, the boys…

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