This life is not for the faint of heart

I wasn't doing well this morning at all. I think that all the stress and anxiety I've been living with caught up to me.   Lizze took care of everything this morning, in regards to the boys and school. She doesn't drive much at all anymore but that's how bad I was this morning.   I slept until it was time to get the boys from school, which I was in a much better position to do at that point.  I've felt better since waking up and it's just been the boys and this afternoon/evening.  I'm really thinking it's going to be an early night for me because as the day goes on, I'm getting tired again.  This life is not for the faint of heart. It's stressful, exhausting and…

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Gavin’s really struggling with these side effects and it’s heartbreaking 

We've got to figure something out with these bladder issues because they are now constant and very rarely ever let up on him. Poor Gavin keeps apologizing for having to go to the bathroom over and over and over again.  I keep telling him that it's not his fault and he needn't apologize for it because there's nothing to apologize for.   Unfortunately, I wasn't able to leave Gavin behind when I went to get the kids from school because Lizze has class today and would likely have to leave before I got back.  We've been here ten minutes and Gavin's already run to the bathroom twice, as well as paced the alley.  I'm not getting to the school super early to write because I don't want him to have…

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I’m really struggling today

It's been a long ass day. Gavin and I did our walk this morning. I was so tired and didn't want to go but Gavin was very focused on going.  I'm glad he pushed me to go because I need to push myself. We did pretty awesome and made good time. Gavin even said hello to everyone that walked by us.  Today was one of those days where I woke up feeling so completely burnt out already. I totally crashed after the walk and felt a little better afterwards but spent both physically and mentally.  The boys had a good day at school and I'm really proud of them for that.   We had some car troubles after getting home but managed to get it working before we had to…

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My favorite moment of the day

We all have those things we look forward to each and every day. We have those things that motivate us, give us drive and the strength we need to keep moving forward, even when it seem impossible.  There are several of these types of daily moments in my life but my most favorite moment of every day is in the picture you see below..  ☺ 💙 

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Positives and Disappointments: Four months after my wife moved back home

I've tried to be as transparent as possible during the almost two years my wife and I were separated. I focused on my personal struggle with the monumental loss, as well as how the boys and I were managing on our own, with me as a single Dad. I wanted to try and set a positive example of how to make sure the kids come first, despite my personal feelings. When my wife and I reconciled about four months ago, I began sharing that journey as well because it's not easy to move past something going like that but we did it. As we approach our fourth month back together, I want to take this opportunity to sorta share how things are going. There's a great deal of positive but…

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This morning sucked. This morning was awesome

This morning sucked because I'm exhausted and it took all I could do to drag myself out of bed. The boys however, did really well and I'm so proud.  Despite being death warmed over, Gavin motivated me to hit the track once again today. Gavin of course, kicked ass again.   The walk felt really good and I'm really glad I didn't give up on it..   

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Today’s Victory: Navigating Basic Social Interactions 

Gavin is very, very, very black and white in his thinking. We had to work very hard to help Gavin understand basic safety concepts like don't talk to strangers. He took that lesson to heart and to the extreme.  For the most part, Gavin will not talk to strangers. This is good but he's got no concept of the grey areas.  Here's a great example of what we're trying to work on and how Gavin totally owned it today.  When Gavin and I walk the track in the morning, we walk by all the same people almost everyday. When we pass someone, we exchange pleasantries such as hello or good morning.  People make it a point to wish Gavin a good morning and he almost rudely ignores them. He's not…

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Gavin’s not doing well

It's been a difficult couple of days for Gavin. It's safe to say that the increase in Clozapine has significantly increased the side effects he had begun suffering from about two years ago. Gavin's been struggling with what presents itself as bladder issues.  He's constantly running back and forth to the bathroom, without having to actually go. He has the overwhelming urge to go and while sometimes he does indeed have to go, most of the time it's a false alarm. We're having many almost accidents and Gavin is absolutely miserable because he can't go anywhere without this interfering. This isn't a bladder infection because he's been tested and cleared many times. Unfortunately, this is a very rare but documented side effect of Clozapine and is apparently more prominent if…

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