I’m a Special Needs Dad, guilty of losing hope



I haven’t written a truly heartfelt piece in a very long time. Writing has been such an intrical part of my life for so long now but I feel like I’ve lost my voice. Writing has lost its meaning and I’ve lost my passion for it.

I’m working to rebuild that part of my life and it’s not easy. There are roadblocks I’ve yet to overcome and others that cause me to veer off course, at least temporarily.

That being said, and reasons I can’t explain, I feel compelled to talk about hope. I’m not writing about it in a way that’s meant to be inspiring to others, at least I don’t think it is.

I’m writing about how I’ve lost hope.



I’m writing about something very personal and painful for me. Maybe you can relate and maybe you can’t. My goal is to simply open myself up in a way I haven’t for a very long time.

A few weeks back, Lizze and I were talking with Dr. Pattie during one of our routine Tuesday evening family therapy sessions. It was a typical session and we didn’t really have an agenda for that night.



For some reason, and I don’t remember why, we began talking about Gavin.

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11 Comments on "I’m a Special Needs Dad, guilty of losing hope"

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BeckyW
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BeckyW

I don’t know Rob. It’s perfectly ok for you and Lizze to feel differently about this. And maybe just because you’ve lost hope doesn’t mean you can’t still take comfort in the time you have with Gavin.

Shay
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Shay

Just wanted to share this nice story about keeping hope with autism – “Facing the future with serenity”:
https://www.asatonline.org/for-parents/education/lifespan/facing-the-future-with-serenity

All the best.

Emily Vieweg
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Emily Vieweg
Simply, Rob, it says that you are human. You are grieving the life you wished for. I go through that many times a year, and as long as we recognize that these feelings make us human, as long as we legitimize our feelings, we can move past them. Some people push them away and down and out of our consciousness, but they always creep back up, usually worse than before. I lose hope sometimes, too. During a particularly hard few weeks (I have Bipolar and was in a pretty bad low), I thought to myself, “I hope I outlive my… Read more »
Dotdash
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Dotdash
Hi Emily, Thank you for expressing some scary things – that’s hard to do. As parents, we hope to bolster/teach/provide our children enough so that they can survive and thrive, but we still live with some pretty scary ideas in our heads. Not always easy to handle. Just a question for you: what do you mean by “society is hateful”? Are you talking about society’s indifference to those who have special needs? Or maybe something worse? (Just clarifying as I thought it was an interesting comment) Hang in there. You are doing some very hard work and it’s tough.
Emily V
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Emily V

Dotdash, Unfortunately right now, I think American society as a whole is enjoying a lot of hate-filled activity, and with the current administration, bullying is all but encouraged. I have hope that the young people today are changing the world, and hopefully my children will benefit from a better future, because the young voices roaring right now are voting, and hopefully the vile underbelly of racism and hatred will go back into the closet.

Dotdash
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Dotdash

I think particularly ugly sections of society are empowered right now and can spew this hate all over. Saner and kinder voices will prevail, surely. (well, I hope so. I guess people in Berlin in 1930 hoped so, too, and that didn’t work out so well)