Read more about the article Please keep Gavin in your thoughts and prayers
Gavin / My thoughts

Please keep Gavin in your thoughts and prayers

I'm going to make this quick because my brain is completely fried and the rest of me is equally as exhausted. Gavin's labs came back today and some of the results appear to be very concerning. The reason I say appear to be concerning is because I'm not a doctor and I have only a basic understanding of how to read this. There are several areas that are concerning to me. Gavin's IgG level is 358 and the normal range is 578 to 1228. His IgM level is 20 and the normal range is 23 to 166. Gavin's IgA level is 24 and the normal range is 59 to 337. On the surface this looks bad, especially considering he had his IVIG infusion less than 24 hours before his labs…

1 Comment
August 27, 2020
Read more about the article My #autistic kids can say and do the most random things
Artwork / Gavin / My thoughts

My #autistic kids can say and do the most random things

I promised Gavin I would get this out there tonight and it's currently 1:34 am EST and as my eyes are rolling into the back of my head, I'm determined not to let him down. This will however, be brief. ☺ Gavin absolutely kills me sometimes. Yes, he has his challenges and yes, I can become frustrated with certain behaviors. That pretty much makes me human and try not to beat myself up too much for that. At 20 years old, I've been raising Gavin as my own for 19 years now. He never ceases to amaze me. Gavin is hands down one of the kindest, most thoughtful, most gentle human beings I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He just is. At the same time, he can say and…

2 Comments
June 19, 2020
Read more about the article I haven’t felt this overwhelmed in a long time
COVID19 / Gavin / Lockdown / My thoughts

I haven’t felt this overwhelmed in a long time

Over the last decade, this blog has evolved into whatever it is now. One of the things that have remained consistent throughout is the honesty with with I write. I may not write as much anymore and my writing isn't as inspiring as it once was, but it's just as honest as the day is long. I'm writing tonight because I feel like I'm failing in so many areas of my life. In fairness, I do realize that a large part of this is my depression talking but I'm pretty sure I'd feel like this anyway. It's been a particularly difficult day because I'm not handling Gavin very well. Gavin's in a very weird place right now and I don't know what's going on with him. He's regressing in a…

3 Comments
June 13, 2020
Read more about the article A mixed bag
Gavin / My thoughts

A mixed bag

Thus far, today has been a mixed bag. The boys wanted to do yard work but Gavin decided he'd rather clean the bathroom, which is fine. I don't leave the boys outside alone for several reasons, all related to safety. Everyone did great and now I need to get some work done on my end. I have two ads for the podcast to record. I say a mixed bag because Gavin has this habit of breaking things that don't belong to him. He doesn't do it on purpose. He just lacks awareness of certain things and that leads to more frequent accidents. Today he broke my electric razor. He says he doesn't know how it happened and that it just rolled off the counter and hit the floor. The razor…

0 Comments
May 11, 2020
Read more about the article I need more patience and I don’t know where to find it
Gavin / My thoughts / Self-injurious Behavior

I need more patience and I don’t know where to find it

Last night was really bad. Gavin had a massive blowout about 12:30 am. What happened matters less than what triggered it. Ever since Gavin was little, he has not been able to tolerate making mistakes. There are times when he makes a mistake and can brush it but majority of the time, mistakes lead to self-injurious meltdowns. Truthfully, I don't really know what to call these episodes. I don't know that they qualify as actual meltdowns and I'd prefer not to mislable them because it sends the wrong message. It might be more accurate to say that Gavin loses his temper. I think that's a fair way to describe what happens. Everyone loses their temper from time to time and that's not a problem in and of itself. The issue…

1 Comment
May 9, 2020
Read more about the article Confessions: Sometimes I am resentful that I’m raising my kids alone
Gavin / My thoughts

Confessions: Sometimes I am resentful that I’m raising my kids alone

I've had a really stressful night because Gavin had a pretty massive freak out and I once again had to deal with it alone. I'm too tired to get into details but essentially, Gavin made a mistake and flipped the fuck out because he doesn't tolerate making mistakes. He's always been this way. He's very forgiving and understanding when other people make mistakes but he's brutal towards himself. Unfortunately, this happened after midnight and I simply don't have the patience to spend on moments like these. It's incredibly frustrating and if I had more patience, I could have handled it much better. For the most part, I've come to terms with being a single parent. I've come to terms with doing this on my own. There are times where I'm…

2 Comments
May 9, 2020
Read more about the article My #specialneeds #immunocompromised son is terrified by #COVID19 and afraid of dying alone
COVID19 / Gavin / IVIG Infusion / Lockdown / My thoughts

My #specialneeds #immunocompromised son is terrified by #COVID19 and afraid of dying alone

I just spent a good chunk of time trying to convince Gavin that he does not have COVID19. This is heartbreaking and becoming an ongoing struggle that's proving difficult to navigate. In case you're one of my many new readers, here's a little background on Gavin so you can put this into perspective. Gavin is 20 years old but emotionally and cognitively, he's somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 or 6 years of age. That's the best guess as to where he is developmentally. Gavin also has many health issues that render his health fragile. While they all matter, the biggest concern in regards to COVID19 is that he's significantly immunocompromised. This means his immune system doesn't function properly and in order to stay healthy, he needs to infuse a…

0 Comments
May 7, 2020
Read more about the article A heartbreaking conversation with my oldest
Gavin / My thoughts

A heartbreaking conversation with my oldest

Gavin had a very emotional breakdown again tonight. He's been generalizing things more so than usual and while many times, it's not a big deal, sometimes it needs to be corrected. We were discussing a situation with his meds that was only problematic because he was making assumptions that were not based on fact or in reality. Anyway, he became very emotional and the conversation took a very unexpected turn. He began talking about his former high school friends and how much he missed them. That led to telling me that he wishes he had earned his high school diploma. It went from there to wanting to go to college, so he could figure out what he wants to do with his life, so he could buy his own house.…

4 Comments
April 27, 2020