The reasons I MUST get my stress under control 

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I'm under tremendous amounts of stress. If you are new or maybe even forgot, I'll do a quick recap. I'm dealing with seriously high amounts of chronic stress.  I've been working to manage things but the past week or so has been really bad.  We had a death in the family, oddly enough our cat was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, and Gavin's bloodwork has not been good at all. I only mentioned the cat because we thought we were going to have to put her down, so we had to prepare ourselves and the kids. That wasn't fun.  I've got a million things on my mind and I feel like I'm drowning.  There are a few reason I absolutely…

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I have a little bit of good news today

Let me begin by saying thank you for all the thoughts and prayers that have come in from all over the world. Lizze and I are truly grateful for all of you. ☺  I have quite a bit of information to share and I'm trying to do it in an effective way. Feel free to ask questions below and I'll do my best to answer or clarify.  First things first. Gavin's lab results came back today and his numbers are up. They are up alot, but they are higher than yesterday, so that's an enormous blessing.  His Neutrophil levels are back to 2.1 and his white cell count is 3.4.  The reality is, his numbers are scraping the bottom of the okay range and we aren't sure why. I spoke…

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I crashed a few hours ago

After bringing Gavin home from his bloodwork this morning, I crashed in the couch. I haven't eaten or slept well, since this all began. It's not like I slept super well anyway.  After I woke up, I felt a little better but I have quite a few phone calls to make today.  I need to suck it up and get through this. 

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I’m finding that inspirational 

Emmett wine up in a horrible mood today, making everything more difficult. We had to get Lizze to an appointment, and then Gavin to get his lab work done.  Neither of the boys wanted to go anywhere, and thankfully, Lizze's appointment was canceled at the last minute, whole we were in the parking lot waiting. This is the one time that a cancelation like this works out for the best.  I took everyone home before Gavin and I went to the blood lab. I'm so nervous, but I see how strong Gavin is being and that's pretty inspirational. 

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It’s heartbreaking 

This morning begins the new routine of blood work every single day. I'm not sure about Sunday's because the lab is closed. Either way, Gavin's now facing at least ten needle sticks a week.  When I explained to Gavin last night, about the need to daily bloodwork, he broke down and cried.  I didn't go into details about why it was necessary because he wouldn't have understood anyway. What I told him was that the doctor needs to keep an eye on some things in your blood. All he heard from that whole conversation was that he was getting blood work every day.  The poor kid is terrified, and I hate having to put him through this. At the second time, the alternative just isn't okay.  What would be nice…

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I’m not handling things well

I'm so out of sorts right now. I'm scared to death about what's going to happen to Gavin. It's probably safe to say that I'm not handling it well at the moment.  I've got so much nervous energy, I can't stop my leg from bouncing up and down on the floor. I ended up jumping down Lizze's throat, over something that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so on edge, that I'm simply have no patience.  I feel sick to my stomach and I keep closing my eyes, hoping that when I open them, this would all have been a dream. 

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We received more bad news today about our son

I'm keeping this super short because I feel sick to my stomach. I need to share that we received Gavin's lab results back this evening, and unfortunately it's not good news.  Gavin's numbers across the board have dropped since yesterday. His Neutrophil level has dropped from 2.8 last month, 2.0 yesterday, and 1.8 today. His actual WBC was 3.8 yesterday and today it was 3.2 (I'm pretty sure that what they said.) After speaking with his doctor, Gavin will continue with the Clozapine for now, but needs blood work every single day. That's got Gavin really stressed out, and I don't blame him. I'm barely holding it together myself and it's not actually happening to me.  As I understand it, if or when he hits 1.5, we pull the plug…

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A couple reasons I’m feeling blessed

We have a lot going on right now. At the time of publication, we still haven't received the results from Gavin's labs drawn a few hours ago. I'm on edge and feeling like I'm losing my mind.  Inside all the chaos, fear, worry, and heartbreak, I'm managing to focus on the blessings.  Right now I just want to share how blessed we are to have such supportive families. I'll only speak to our parents because they are the most actively involved and deserve to be singled out.  Both Lizze and I have very, very supportive parents. There's rarely a time that we've not been able to call them at the last minute to watch the boys when something comes up. Between our parents, we are able to get breaks from…

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