There was drama but we recovered

Today was a sort of a mixed bag for the boys and I. We got off to a great start in the morning but then there was a shit ton of drama surrounding Gavin's IVIG Infusion. He's becoming paranoid when it comes to this and won't leave the needles alone after they're placed. He fiddles with them and when they show the slightest sign that they might be leaking, he shuts everything down, pulls the needles and re-sticks himself. That in and of itself isn't a major issue. The problem is that the needles are supposed to be sterile and when he sticks himself multiple times, the risk of infection increases. We had a nice long, dramatic discussion about this and he gets so upset because he thinks he's causing…


I finally got a good nights sleep

I managed a decent night's sleep and I'm so grateful for that. I'm not entirely sure what I did differently but I feel much more recharged today than I have in a long while. Fitbit even liked it. I'm a pretty good start to the day and while there were some issues with Gavin and his infusion, I kept my cool and was patient. Sleep is so important and I would really like to make sure that I get many more night like this because I need it to be better for my kids and myself.


I feel pretty fucking accomplished today

I think we had a fantastic day and I feel quite accomplished. We got so much done today and I'm incredibly proud of my kids for their help. We got some of the basement cleaned up and hauled out to the trash. I've been meaning to do this for awhile but it's just not happened. The boys and I spent some time straightening up the house. I got the car washed and waxed as well. After dinner, I got the grass cut and the yard straightened. The boys didn't stick around for too long because the mosquitoes were bad. I even got a chance to close my eyes for a few minutes. I woke up with Ruby curled up on my shoulder. My parents stopped by this evening for a…


To those struggling with #depression right now, you’re not alone

Depression makes everything so much harder to navigate, especially as a parent. We're neck deep in a worsening pandemic and we've been locked down for 115 days now. That is not conducive to good mental health. I find that I'm doing really good on some days but bad on others. I'm anxious, preoccupied with mortality and unable to focus or remember things like I normally would be able to. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm not a quiter and I don't easily give up but I'm really struggling right now. Sleep has been eluding me and to be completely honest, I'm nearing the 1 year mark since Lizze left. It still hurts and these milestones, especially the first ones, are very painful for me. I sorta feel like I'm adrift at sea…


It worked out for the best

Yesterday, we had a chance to get out of the house and we cautiously took advantage of it. We decided to head out to Quail Hollow for a little while. It's about a 20 minute drive and we have to judge the situation once we get there as to whether it's safe or not. We were in luck and the park was almost empty. There were a few groups of people we came across along the way and no, none of them were wearing masks and even looked at us funny for wearing ours. Our trip. Was cut short because Mr. Gavin knocked his glasses off his face and straight into a bunch of poison ivy. We didn't have anything to clean them properly and there was no way I…

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I can’t keep going without sleep

I've been having the worst time sleeping lately. This past week I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep a night, if I'm lucky. I'm grateful for even getting that much but it's not enough. Even melatonin isn't helping and that's about as hardcore as I can personally get because I need to be able to hear, respond to and assist my kids in the middle of the night. Stress is a major factor here and while I can't necessarily do a whole lot about that, there are things I can do. I'm aware that I haven't been drinking much water or at least not drinking enough water. That can have a profound impact on sleep quality. Depression is also playing a role in this as well. One of…

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Emmett’s birthday was a success

I feel like we had a pretty good day. Emmett's birthday, while not what I would have liked for him, made him happy and that's what matters. Lizze and her made a carrot cake for him and dropped it off. That was cool way for them to be a part of this important day. We ordered Quaker Steak for dinner and watched whatever Emmett wanted to watch. He still hasn't decided in a present but that's okay. No rush and no pressure. My goal was to get a new podcast episode released but I still had an ad that I needed to record and these goddam fireworks have been constant all day. Hopefully, I can knock that out in the am and drop the first episode of the second half…


We had some #vaccine related hiccups

I wanted to explain the hiccup with school that we ran into. I mentioned this in a recent post and never circled back to explain. I figured I start the day off with some writing and this is a good place to start. The issue we ran into is with vaccines for both Elliott and Emmett. Vaccines are extremely important and for the most part, we've maintained their vaccine schedules. There were, however, a couple of exceptions. Emmett's issues stemmed from his fever disorder. After consultation with his pediatrician at the time, it was decided to put off his MMR because he was constantly running a fever. We were trying to figure out his health issues and no one wanted to muddy the water. He eventually received his first MMR…