Depression makes everything so much harder to navigate, especially as a parent. We’re neck deep in a worsening pandemic and we’ve been locked down for 115 days now. That is not conducive to good mental health.
I find that I’m doing really good on some days but bad on others. I’m anxious, preoccupied with mortality and unable to focus or remember things like I normally would be able to.
It’s incredibly frustrating.
I’m not a quiter and I don’t easily give up but I’m really struggling right now. Sleep has been eluding me and to be completely honest, I’m nearing the 1 year mark since Lizze left. It still hurts and these milestones, especially the first ones, are very painful for me.
I sorta feel like I’m adrift at sea and that’s not a reassuring feeling.
Speaking of reassuring, there are few things in life more reassuring than a hug. My kids hug me all the time, at least Emmett does. Elliott’s at the I’m too old phase of his esrily teenage years and Gavin doesn’t like physical contact. It’s been well over 115 days since I’ve received a hug from anyone other than my kids and that lack of adult contact is very difficult for me.
My kids and I are very isolated and that’s by design, at least for right now. I guess I’m just feeling that isolation more intensely because of everything going on.
Sleep isn’t happening easily, as I said earlier but I feel like I slept pretty good last night. Fitbit only gave me 4 hours and a sleep score of 77%, but I’m going with how I feel over what the app is telling me.
Anyway, I know that the insanity going on all around us is overwhelming. I just wanted to remind those of you out there, struggling with things like depression, that you’re not alone. If you have no one else reach out to, you can always message me. I do my best to respond as quickly as possible. I can’t fix anything but I can listen and remind you that you aren’t alone.