The stress is unbearable

We're waist-deep in teenage and special needs growing pains. One of the more typical problems right now is that our house is way too small. No one besides Gavin really has their own space. Lizze and I do okay, but Elliott and Emmett are very much struggling right now. Elliott needs his space and Emmett isn't adjusting to the change. Wars are waged on the daily, and it's just getting worse. Their room is way too small for them, and the only actual personal space they have is their beds, and that's only if the boundaries are respected. Elliott and Emmett need their own space, and in our current situation, they just don't have it. Emmett needs the light on at night, and Elliott needs it off. Portable lighting doesn't…

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Quick update

I feel like I slept pretty well last night. I'm really trying to focus on sleep quality and I'm currently reviewing the OOLER by Chili Technology. Stay tuned for that. I was up at 6:30 AM to go walking, and it's the perfect time to do so. It's cool and not very crowded. Plus I'm done with it before everyone is even awake and anything I do above or beyond that is just a bonus. Lizze had an appointment this morning, and I'm taking my Mom to physical therapy around noon. I want to get the boys room under control today, and that's going to take a shitload of patience because it's pretty bad. I'm not looking for perfection but rather progress. I want to make progress today. The only…

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This might be something only another #Autism parent can truly appreciate

After my walk this morning, I had to take Gavin to get his blood work done. He needs this weekly due to one of his medications. Frequent blood work has been required for many, many years. When Gavin was much younger, his blood draws were an absolute nightmare. It was so bad that it had to be planned ahead of time, and extra staff needed to be on hand. At times, it took upwards of six to eight people to safely and successfully draw his blood. Gavin's always been very strong. No one could believe how violent and aggressive he could get until they witnessed it first hand. Gavin was a very small, unassuming kid but packed a wallop. Anyway, he's come a long way over the years. I now…

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I feel so lost right now

I'm not having a good day today. I'm feeling enormously overwhelmed by everything in my life, and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. The things going on in this country are not okay. The things going on in my neighborhood are not okay. It's all so infuriating, overwhelming, and impossible for me to ignore. Everyone in my family (Lizze, Gavin, Elliott, and Emmett) are struggling with so much right now, and there isn't a goddamn thing I do to make their lives better. There's not enough of me to go around, and everyone needs more than I have left. I'm in a darker place than I've been in for a long while and pissed off at the world. There is absolutely no part of me that…

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Sometimes I really struggle with being a full-time #caregiver

Sometimes I struggle with all the responsibilities associated with being an Autism and Special Needs parent. Frankly, I struggle with my wife's chronic health issues, as well. It's not easy being a full-time caregiver to four people while trying to work from home and battling my own demons. It's not easy trying to manage everyone's life and not lose myself in the mix. I've been struggling a great deal lately, and there are a number of reasons for that. I often find myself being crushed by all I'm trying to maintain. I can get frustrated because things are always so hard. While we had a pretty good day today, especially by our standards, there were still some times that I was incredibly frustrated. Sometimes I just need things to work.…

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I’m feeling good about today,

I feel pretty positive about today. Lizze isn't feeling good at all, but we ran a few errands and had a quick impromptu lunch before heading to get the kids. The boys have been at a birthday party for most of the afternoon, and they're having a great time. I'm chilling in the car, waiting for the boys to come out. I met the parents of Elliott's friend, and they are sooooo nice. It turns out; this kid lives about a mile and a half away. That's pretty fricking close, and we need to get them together more often. As I mentioned previously, Emmett and Gavin were both invited too, and they're having a great time as well. I was concerned about Gavin, but it sounds like he's doing well.…

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My morning so far

I feel like I slept pretty well last night. I was able to get up early and go walking. It's a gorgeous morning, and the temps were perfect. About halfway through the first lap, I was approached by the new ducks at the park. I think they look pretty cool. They're very friendly and not afraid of people at all. I'm so glad I got my walk in because I missed yesterday and it's really important to me that I do this. There is nothing on the agenda today that I'm aware of. The only thing I need to figure out is what's going on with the kids and this birthday party, or rather the logistics of it. Outside of that, I want to get caught up on laundry and…

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I wish it weren’t like this

My wife and I don't get that many breaks. That said, we do get more than many others out there, and we're grateful for what we get. The boys left about 2 PM today. After they left, the bulk of my day was spent sleeping. I crashed for almost six hours. I'm so worn out, and the stress of everything is getting to me. As soon as the kids left, I didn't have to be awake anymore. There were a million things I should have been doing, but my body just needed to shut down. It's so hard to get people to understand how stressful being an Autism parent is. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed, and at this moment in time, I feel like things are never going to get better.…

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