Are Dad’s going through #divorce supposed to admit this?

I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed and frustrated tonight. The boys have been at each other's throats all day and there were a few times where I was very close to reaching the end of my rope. Emmett is incredibly impulsive right now and it's difficult to manage that behavior at the moment. Elliott has a very, very short fuse and an opinion about everything. Between the two right now, there's a constant barrage of challenging situations to navigate. Gavin is doing pretty well and that's obviously a good thing. He's talking incessantly but that's par for the course with him. As for me, I'm really struggling. I'm stressed out, overwhemled, frustrated, heartbroken and confused about much of what's happened. I'm in therapy every Tuesday afternoon and while I enjoy going, I'm…

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Holding my own and not giving up

Today has not gone as planned. Elliott didn't sleep well at all last night and was beyind exhausted and not feeling well this morning. Emmett was up on and off with nightmares as well. That means that I got a really shitty night's sleep myself. Elliott was unable to make it to school this morning which sorta changes my calculus for the day. In fact, he was so exhausted, he did wake up until about 1PM. Even at that point he looked like death warmed over. I did make further progress with Emmett and home instruction. I was able to get the signed copy of the letter to the school and I should be hearing back from the principal in short order. The kids were supposed to see their mom…

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I feel helpless and powerless because I can’t help my kids with #Autism

We had a frustrating therapy session tonight. The boys are very frustrated about certain things that I can't help them with. They will talk to me about what's bothing them because A) they trust me, and B) because I'm there in the moment when they need to talk. Outside of those moments, they do not want to talk about what's bothering them and instead internalize it. This is a very frustrating because the things that are upsetting them, I can't do anything about. They live in a very black and white world and tend to view things through that lens, especially when those things are emotionally charged. They feel like once they tell me, their job is done and I can pass it along to the therapist. While that's true,…

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I feel like my family did okay today

As a family, we had a pretty decent day. There was no real excitement and that's the kind of day I like to have whenever possible. Gavin had his IVIG Infusion, while I got some work done and the E's played the Xbox together. There was no fighting the entire day and I can't remember when the last time that happened. I've been very focused on the arrangements needed for our upcoming trip. I'm getting really nervous about this because I'm on my own and won't have any help. On many occasions, I find myself struggling at home, and the idea of taking the kids on a 2,200 mile+ cross country drive makes me wonder if I've lost my mind. The reality is that I question my abilities all the…

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How my #Autistic son overcame his anxiety today

We had a really busy day today and I'm quite tired. We had our share of ups and downs I wanted to point out something that happened, as well as how I handled it. As I mentioned the other day, we were celebrating Gavin's 20th birthday today. Most of my family, including myself and the boys, went bowling this morning and out to lunch afterwards. Overall, this was a very positive experience and for the most part, everyone had fun. The boys are very good bowlers. Unfortunately, Elliott became overwhelmed by all that was going on and his anxiety went through the roof. Lately, Elliott has been struggling with significant anxiety and quickly becoming overwhelmed in social situations. Elliott didn't want to go out to eat because he'd already had…

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We had a good day

We had a pretty good day. The kids arrived home from their mom and grandparents house around noon, and we had a quiet afternoon. Gavin decided he wanted pizza and chicken for his birthday dinner. We're not actually celebrating his birthday until Sunday but we always do a special dinner on the actual day. We started that tradition because there were times in the past where money was so tight, ordering dinner wasn't easy. On birthdays, we wanted the kids to have something special, something that we couldn't do very often. Anyway, I ordered Gavin's dinner and we watched  Impractical Jokers. It was a nice evening. Tomorrow, we're going bowling and out to dinner with family. It's kind of a unique way to celebrate his birthday. There's no school on…

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A Birthday We Almost Didn’t Get To Celebrate

Today is a big day in The Autism Dad household because Gavin turns 20 years old. This would be a milestone birthday on its own but for us, it's more than that. For the last decade or so, Gavin's health has become very fragile. I recently wrote all about that and you can click here to catch up. Long story short, there were times over last decade, where there was very real concern that Gavin wouldn't see his next birthday. There were times where Gavin was experiencing an autonomic crisis and it was so bad and latest so long that we were told to prepare for the worst. These are old photos but they are taken during an autonomic crisis. I'm grateful for every year we have with him and…

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I’m struggling to find balance

The boys are gone and I have a really quiet evening. I took my nap and finished season one of Guardians of The Glades before getting some work done. I'm still finishing up the next podcast episode and I'm not sure when it will release. Probably next week. I really want to get a few episodes in the tank, especially with our pending trip coming up. I need to book a few more interviews and go from there. It was important to me that I release the first two episodes of the season because they dealt with vaccines and vaccine preventable diseases. I wanted to bring everyone the facts from professionals in the medical field. I'm really struggling to find a better balance in my life. I have so many…

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