Heartbreak Archives - The Autism Dad

Maggie passed away last night and we’re all heartbroken

In November of 2008, Emmett was almost six months old and we were a dog-less family, not looking for a dog. In a completely random occurrence, Lizze stumbled across a picture of a dog with the most amazing smile. We weren't looking for a dog because we had just recently had Emmett but we found ourselves drawn to the picture and it turned the dog was actually somewhat local to us. Lizze wanted to go look at her in person and for whatever I went along with it. It was one of those spontaneous things that wasn't really like us at the time. There was just something about this dog and we made the forty-five minute drive to meet her in person, not knowing what to expect. What we didn't…

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April 14, 2018

Autism Parenting Woes / Gavin / Heartbreak / My thoughts

It’s heartbreaking to see him like this

When you're a parent to a child with fragile physical health, a degenerative condition and severe mental health issues, it seems like there's no end to the heartache. Gavin is the child in our family who the above paragraph describes and it's true, there's no end to the heartache we feel as his parents. Helplessly watching him lose skills, abilities, memories and independence is a gut-wrenching experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. Poor Gavin is having such a hard time today. He's been walking into people and things all day long. He's stepping on things he shouldn't because he's not paying attention or isn't focusing on his surroundings. It's not his fault but he doesn't get that and frankly, it doesn't make it any less disruptive either. We're decorating the…

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December 9, 2017

Gavin / Heartbreak / My thoughts

That doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking

Unfortunately, I have some bad news to share. It's in regards to Gavin and the progression of his cognitive decline. Sometimes it's tough to discern when and where Gavin regresses. There are times when it's painfully obvious that there's been a change and other times it's more subtle. This is one of those times where it's painfully obvious that there's been a change. It might seem like a weird thing to notice but it's something that can impact him multiple times a day. Gavin can no longer remember the four digit code to unlock the front door. He's known it for years and it's not changed. He will get to the door and just stand there because he no longer knows what to do. This has been going on for…

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November 30, 2017

Cats / Cleo / Family Pets / Heartbreak / My thoughts

What we experienced while putting our cat to sleep today

The boys left for my parents house about lunchtime today, and Lizze and I had a quiet afternoon. Neither one of us was looking forward to what 2:30 PM would require us to do. We've been dreading this day and the pain we knew it was going to inflict on all of us, but some things are outside of our control. It's difficult to know just how much an animal can impact our lives until the moment we must say goodbye. Cleo has been a part of our family for over thirteen years and today we laid her to rest. Making the decision to put her to sleep was not one that came easily. We tried for months to get her passed what she was going through but sometimes things…

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August 24, 2017

Cats / Cleo / Elliott / Family Pets / Heartbreak / My thoughts

One reason why this is so heartbreaking for me

The boys have left for my parents house and It feels like a countdown until we head to the vet. This is not how I envisioned spending my birthday. The reason I'm writing is because I wanted to share a letter Elliott wrote yesterday while at school. This is a large part of the reason we didn't send them to school today. Elliott gave his permission to share this because he wants people to know how he's feeling. Below is the letter he wrote. Please be warned, it's absolutely heartbreaking to read. 😭

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August 24, 2017

Cats / Cleo / Family Pets / Heartbreak / My thoughts

We have some really sad news to share

You may or may not know, I turn 39 years old on Thursday. Aside from this being the last year of my third decade life, there's a something that's going to make this day pretty awful. On Thursday at 2:30 PM, we will be taking our Cleo to the vet again. It breaks my heart to share that Cleo will not be coming home with us after this visit. Unfortunately, she's going to be put to sleep and that's going to be really tough. She actually turned thirteen yesterday. A few weeks back, she was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. She'd been having problems for a few months and none of the medications helped. At the beginning of August, we had her back to the vet and we learned that she…

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August 22, 2017

Emmett John / Fever Cycle / Heartbreak / My thoughts / PFAPA

Heartbreaking: Emmett had a really rough night

I didn't write much yesterday because it was a rather trying day. Whenever I don't publish at least three or four posts a day, it's a safe bet that things aren't going so well. Yesterday was full of challenges related to Emmett's fever disorder. He was in a horrible mood for most of the day and had zero tolerance for pretty much everything. I lost track of the meltdowns, but there were quite a few. I personally had the hardest time when it came to dinner. There wasn't anything in the house that he would eat. Emmett's tough to feed on a good day, very challenging to feed on a bad day, and impossible when he's in a fever cycle. Last night was one of those impossible times, and it…

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July 26, 2017

Gavin / Heartbreak / My thoughts

It’s the only time I can break down

Gavin is getting more and more frustrated with himself over his disappearing abilities. I don't really know how else to describe it. He hasn't necessarily forgotten that he should know how to do things, but he's forgotten how to do them. I can't even begin to imagine what that's like for him. While I'm overweight, my cholesterol is borderline, and I wage war with Depression, I'm otherwise blessed with good health. Gavin is experiencing things that would be more common for someone seventy years his senior. He forgets almost everything (short term memory) and easily loses track of what he's doing. When it comes to the games he plays, he can focus, but getting him to draw a picture ends up being too much for him. We return to his…

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July 20, 2017