I’m frustrated with Gavin tonight

I’m frustrated with for a couple of reasons. informed me that the boys were picking out snacks while they were at their overnight visit. 

Gavin picked out some hazelnut cookie stick things. 

Elliott didn’t realize that they were Gavin’s at the time and asked if he could have one. He was told that they were Gavin’s and he would have to ask him. 

Apparently, when Elliott asked Gavin if he could have one, Gavin told his Grandma that Elliott was allergic to hazelnut and couldn’t have one or some thing like that. 

That was simply not true. Elliott is not allergic to hazelnut and never has been. He’s only been allergic to almonds but for awhile, we had to avoid tree nuts all together. That restriction though, has been gone for years now. 

Anyway, Gavin then shared with everyone else and Elliott didn’t get to have one. 

Elliott being the anxious and emotional mess he is right now, took that personally. 

I’m not saying that Gavin was being malicious but when I asked him if he knew what Elliott was allergic to, he said almonds. When I asked him if he had said that Elliott was allergic to hazelnut, he got really upset. 

It was like being transported back in time, about a year ago to when Gavin was extremely volatile. 

I simply asked him why he would say something like that and all I got from him was growling, twisting his extremities and agitation. 

The way it’s being explained to and based on Gavin’s rather extreme reaction to this being brought up, it looks like he said that so he didn’t have to share with Elliott. That doesn’t vibe with the Gavin I’ve known for the last year. 

Of course, Elliott’s upset and because he so fricking sensitive to everything anymore, he’s taking this personally. 

My thought is that Gavin was just tying to protect his little brother, whom he knows has food allergies. It’s no secret that Gavin’s not firing on all cylinders and may have spoken in error without any intent to deceive. 

If that’s the case, than why all the goddamn drama? Why doesn’t he just say something like Dad, I thought he was allergic and didn’t want him to get hurt. I realize that’s asking more than what he’s probably capable of but just getting upset and freaking out makes his actions or intent more suspect.

I’ve told Elliott to let it go because it’s over and done with. No one was hurt and frankly, it really isn’t a big deal. I mean, so what, he didn’t get a cookie. It’s not the end of the world.

Unfortunately, things that wouldn’t impact most people in a significant way, can impact kids with developmental or emotional challenges in a very significant way. 

Anyone that said being a parent is easy, simply isn’t a special needs parent….

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  • JulieSullivanRelunia

    Could be way off base, but something to think about… Could he be testing his mom, or his ‘role’ there/with her in general? I mean.. That’s the she knew.. And maybe on some level still expects? That was just my first though when I read it..

  • Mari Gilbert Goodman

    We also have had days where the world may end over a cookie, I feel your pain friend U0001f601

  • The Autism Dad

    At least I’m in good company U0001f600

  • That’s a good observation.. We tend to fill the roles we are expected to play. This wasn’t the case because she was sick and not around at the time. I think he was just trying to help but is cognitively struggling and while his heart was in the right place, he was incorrect in his statement…
    That’s what I truly believe happened. I just haven’t seen him react like this in a really long time. It does sorta make me a bit nervous about the direction we’re heading in…..

  • AMDuser

    Several things could be going on. could be testing this mom like Julie said but also I am think he may not remember what food allergies he has or had. Also he could have done what I have done MANY times in the past and that is shooting from the hip and saying something without thinking and that could eaither hurt his bother or help him