I’ve made it a practice not to speak much about my pending divorce because it leads to people asking questions that I can’t really answer.
On this day last year, I had no idea I would only have 6 days left with my wife before she would leave.
I spent some time today filling out some of the final packets of paperwork needed to give my wife the divorce she wants.
After all that’s happened, this divorce is without question the best thing for the boys and I but I hate even saying that because we were a family. 🙁
I’ve gone through an entire spectrum of emotions over the last year but being angry was never really one of them..
Shock, heartbreak, betrayal, loss, confusion, grief and loneliness were feelings I cycled through as I adjusted to the single most difficult change to occur in my life up to that point.
It really wasn’t until I was struggling with the paperwork last night, that I began to feel a twinge of anger.
Seeing the life we built over the last 15 years, essentially itemized into a spreadsheet just sorta cut me deep.
Financially I have nothing, so there’s nothing to divide because she only wanted her things.
Shit, even common core Math can’t come up with some bastardized algorithm that changes the fact that nothing ÷ 2 = nothing…
One of the reasons I felt angry was because after all the years we spent in court over Gavin, leading up to me adopting him, I never wanted to set foot in a courtroom again. Now I have no choice but to return, only this time it will be to dissolve into nothingness, something that I took very seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, things are civil between us and me being angry won’t change that because I’m just not that kind of person. It’s something I need to experience, in order to process everything..
I think I have a right to feel these things and I also think I’ve handled this whole thing pretty goddamn well.
Putting this all behind me and moving forward with the kids is all I’m focused on when it comes to this whole divorce thing.
I don’t hold grudges and I only want the best for her. That’s truly how I feel. No matter what happened, she gave me my amazing kids and for that reason, she will always command my respect.
Having this kind of approach isn’t always easy but it’s certainly easy to see how it benefits the kids and that makes all the effort that goes into it, worth it.
My kids are my life and I’m so grateful to have them each and every day.
My family may have changed but the boys are all the family I need. Together we are forging a new future for ourselves…. ☺