Dealing with Divorce: This was bound to happen at some point



The boys came home from their Mom and Grandparent’s today.  It’s wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, at least at first. 

Their Mom pulled me aside and informed me that Emmett sat on her lap crying, saying that he wanted to live with her and visit me every other weekend. 



Okay. Deep breath.

That’s probably pretty normal right? Tell me that’s normal!!!

The moment I heard those words, my heart sank.  I start wondering what I’m doing wrong and generally panic. 

Here’s the thing.

First of all, I have to take what I’m told with a grain of salt. That’s an established fact. It’s not about anyone being dishonest but rather the accuracy in which the events are recalled and then presented.



I don’t doubt that he said something like that but I don’t know the context or what prompted him to say it.

Secondly, he’s a kid who misses his Mom and doesn’t see her that often.  I have nothing to do with that and the frequency in which she sees the kids is not something I have any control over. 

Thirdly, I’m having an emotional reaction to something that A) can never happen and B) are words spoken by a 7 year old little boy who still wants his Mom to move home. 

That being said, I just need to roll with the punches so to speak. 

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I did talk to Emmett about it and told him that while that can’t happen, I understand where he’s coming from. He knows I’m not mad that he said that.  I told him it was pretty normal for him to feel that way from time to time and that he should always remember that he can talk to me about it. 

The truth is, I don’t think he really wants to do that.  I think he just misses his Mom and that’s completely understandable. 

It’s the heartbreaking reality that the boys and I live in.  These things are going to come up and we’ll have to work through them as they do. 

There’s no fix for this as things are the way they are for a reason and there’s very little flexibility, so to speak. 

I’m doing my best to remember that this is probably a normal thing for a kid in his situation and I can’t take this as a sign that I’m doing something wrong…

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11 Comments on "Dealing with Divorce: This was bound to happen at some point"

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Karalyn Fett
Guest

I think you’re right. I honestly think this is just a missing his mother thing and he thinks living with her would fix everything. Poor baby. I do feel for the younger ones so bad </3

Darcy
Member
So here’s the judging you don’t like. Yes, it’s normal and yes you CAN control it. Mom can control it to. This is what I don’t understand and you keep saying it’s not relevant but it is. Unless mom is physically & mentally unstable enough to have her kids, say every weekend as such, WHY cant mom?? Why is their little flexibility? Yes, maybe mom was unstable in the past, but you need to move on & work towards forgiving & change slowly & small or at least allow the boys to. Did you explain to Emmett why he can’t… Read more »
Karalyn Fett
Guest
I really don’t find this fair at all. This insight in to his day to day is a privilege and I feel people often forget that you DON’T see what else happens that isn’t written about. Regardless, nothing has to be explained to you as it isn’t your family to figure out. They are going to do what is right for them and what is ultimately the best for their children. Lizzie walked away, Lizzy left everything in his hands. Yes, she is their mother and I would absolutely never support hearing someone was trying to part a mother from… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest
Thank you Karalyn, I open myself up to judgment by sharing the way I do. I totally get that. I also get that there are obvious gaps in information. I’m very open about that. Those gaps are necessary to ensure my kids don’t learn anything about their Mom that they don’t need to know, at least not until they’re older. When you read this blog, you need to accept that these things are part of the deal. It’s not easy to try and share what I do and be as careful as I am with the words I choose to… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest
Darcy, You seem to feel like Lizze is a victim. She’s not. I’m not stopping visits, this is all she wants, it’s all she can handle. You cannot use your personal situation and assume that it applies here. I haven’t contradicted myself, you take things out of context and twist them. You clearly don’t have a grasp in this situation because you can’t accept that there are just somethings you aren’t going to have knowledge of. I’m trying very hard to explain a very complex situation without disrespecting the Mother of my children. I assure you, the only victims here… Read more »
Heaven
Guest

Here’s the great thing about character and integrity… when a person practices these traits, they choose not to share all of the details. It’s not his place to tell. It may be part of the story, but a part that is private….PRIVATE. You seem like you are trying to understand, maybe as a way to make sense into your own situation, but it is unfair of you to expect full disclosure on things he has chosen not to share. This shows respect to the cchildren’s mother, as well as his kids.

Jimmy Rock
Guest

One other thing- it sounds like you’ve handled everything right as far as Emmett’s comments (sorry- although you understand where it’s coming from it has to be hard to hear that), but what did the boys’ mom say to Emmett when he said that? Her response could either have been very helpful (echoing what you told him) or something potentially damaging or confusing to him. I hope for Emmett’s sake she handled it right.

This is very tricky stuff…

Rob Gorski
Guest

Now that you mention it, I don’t know what she said. I don’t believe that she would say something, at least intentionally, to make things worse.

She loves the kids. I never question that. The rest I have to take with a grain of salt.

I should probably ask her what she said.

Ellen Beck
Member
I truthfully would ask her what was happening at the time. Was she herself upset? Was she just snuggling? Did it come out of the blue or was there a conversation? Was it just her and him or were there others around? I mean you dont have to ask right away, but it would help you know what the context was. It could have confused the heck out of him. Maybe she said she missed them (normal) and that was his response. Kids sometimes feel responsible for splits and his esteem has been kind of low. re: he underestimated himself… Read more »
Ellen Beck
Member
Completely normal. he was with her snuggling on her lap. He just wants to be loved, and he loves his Mom, nothing wrong with that. He said what was in his heart that moment. I have to echo Jimmy’s concern in how did she handle it though? If she is unstable, perhaps this might be something to address in a family therapy session if she is willing to participate. The kids have to know as much as they are able why they are with you and why their time with their Mom is limited to what they have. If they… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest

See my comment to Jimmy…. Thank You ☺

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