Honesty Post: The truth about how raising my 3 kids with #Autism alone really feels



This is one of those posts where I’m basically letting you inside my thought process as I deal with things that are happening in my life.  Nothing said here is meant to be taken as hateful or mean spirited towards anyone.  I’m simply trying to work through some things and this helps.  If reading this helps someone going through something similar, that’s even better…

I’ve been very open and honest about my newly embarked upon, single parenting journey.  I’m actively taking the high road, even if not everyone can see that from where they’re sitting. This direction I’m taking is a choice and one I don’t take lightly.



At the same time, I think it’s important that I not give the impression that I’m somehow immune to all the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes…..and trust me, the bullshit can runneth deep.

While I’ve made my active focus, solely my three boys and only working towards what’s best for them, I’m still human.
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Being human means that I’m subject to these things called emotions, regardless of how dedicated I am to remaining positive. Feeling hurt, angry, frustrated or resentful, are all emotions that sometimes rear their ugly heads, at least to some degree. Feeling these emotions is absolutely normal and probably one of the only things in my life, I can say that about.  lol

The truth is, I feel things (I’m not a robot) and it’s not easy to both embrace these feelings and still not allow them to impact my decisions.

This past week has been particularly rough for me because the boys were home for five straight days, a few of which, I was dealing with at least one sick kiddo. Gavin’s doing so well but he’s manic and won’t stop talking.  As grateful as I am for his ability to speak, it’s absolutely exhausting and frankly, could truly be a form of torture.



Elliott and Emmett have been at each other’s throats.  The fighting, screaming and drama,  really took its toll on me.

Through all of this, I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed and at times, extremely frustrated. 

All I could think about in those moments where life got the better of me was, where the fuck is the other half of this parenting duo? Believe me when I say, I know what anger and resentment feels like because I was very much reminded over the last few days.

I absolutely understand that nothing about this is fair for the boys or me. I totally get it.

That being said, I have to stop and remind myself that nothing about this is ever going to be easy. Regardless of the struggle and heartache, the boys are still better off..  That’s a tough pill to swallow, in and on itself but it’s the truth.

Valentine’s Day was one of those moments where life got the better of me.  As I put the entirety of the situation into perspective, I found myself heartbroken because I know that my wife is with someone else and we aren’t even divorced yet.. I’m sitting at what used to be our home, raising our kids, trying to hold life together for them and she’s living a new one as though none of us exist.

I’ve put some distance between myself and February 14th. I’m not losing sleep over that but I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t hurtful. I’m not sure how else to even describe something like that but I guess fucked up works…

Life is a journey and this part of the road is really bumpy for the boys and I but I have no doubt we will persevere in the end. ☺

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉

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15 Comments on "Honesty Post: The truth about how raising my 3 kids with #Autism alone really feels"

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Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest
The way you’ve elucidated here your painful feelings in a thoughtful way sans lashing out is what is so admirable. Your writing has truly evolved and while it is no fun to see a friend or virtual friend via blog in pain, I think it’s important your feelings are rightfully validated. There’s no like button on Disqus for the post itself so …..two thumbs up. As an aside about the corporate holiday known as Valentine’s, my husband and I boycott it, lol. We give our daughter something but I’ve never been happier that lower (elementary) school is over with the… Read more »
Ellen Beck
Member
The boys sound like typical boys. Granted Gavin is in a talkative state, but the other two going for each other is pretty normal behavior. They are boys, they do that, thank goodness you dont have 3 girls you would be over the edge. Yeah, most of this sucks, but like Alyssa mentioned, holidays like Valentines Day is over hyped. I have been married 30 years, the first few we did it, but for more years than I can count we just say Happy Valentines Day, and go out and buy the clearance chocolates ha! Dont let the ‘bad’ stuff… Read more »
pegster999
Guest

Yes it’s hard. It’s not fair. I’ve been doing this by myself well over 5 years. At this point I have a system down with my sons. They are 13 and 10 years old now. Their father is dead. He isn’t coming back. I have to accept that. Even when he was here I was on my own with the kids. Valentines Day is another day at this house. This all don’t come overnight but in time it will.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest

Very sorry for your loss. My first husband passed when he was 33, I wa 32. (No children) and now that I’m happily remarried with a child I cannot imagine your pain. Best wishes @pegster999.

Kim Gebhardt
Guest
Taking the high road can sometimes be the hardest way to travel, but at the end of it you come away with the knowledge that you didn’t sink to a level that is undignified and unbecoming. That said, I have to ask about Valentine’s Day and the divorce. I understand that you can’t control by your ‘wife’ spending a day created for lovers with her new boyfriend, but I am really curious why the divorce hasn’t been finalized. From what you’ve said, the last part of it was that you needed to save up the money to take a parenting… Read more »
Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest
Kim gets to the nuts and bolts, lol…but she’s spot on…….about therapy and the divorce….the minute that divorce is final many issues will disappear, especially that invisible “she is technically my wife thing” . Seriously, every spare cent should go to getting that done. I know it’s hard in a world of bills, doctors and living expenses, but I think you’d be amazed at the load off (emotionally) that would be. I did a quick search and though I’m not sure of the particulars, it’s in your area averaging only $45. I also noticed some in your county you could… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest

Please look above for my response and also, I sent you an email…

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest
I’ve looked, no email yet, I checked both, and they’re working. . In the meantime I hit the jackpot, my legal eagle friend knows divorce/dissolution lawyers in OH and when one party does this , they cannot keep doing it, a big time frown from the court & you’ll have to make it a divorce but can do an “agreed divorce” which is very cheap. The time that has dragged on has made the dissolution way a farce and now may not be possible. The feet dragging is yet another control issue by someone with ZERO control, trying to create… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest

Any chance you could use my contact page to shoot me an email and I’ll respond. Thank you

Rob Gorski
Guest
Super quick because I’m stretched kinda thin today. I didn’t get to read the entirety of the comments but I get the jest. Money is not a factor in the delay. She dragging her feet and frankly, I’m sorta at her mercy because it’s a dissolution and I can’t file that alone. I’d have to go down the road of divorce, which will be expensive and time consuming. I’m unsure of the motives behind this dragging of the feet but as I’m writing this, I’m feeling kinda angry because she shouldn’t be aloud to control my life to this extent.… Read more »
Kim Gebhardt
Guest
It’s probably not as expensive as you think to have someone draw up papers and serve her; you could probably even get a legal aid attorney to help. And honestly, now is the time. In 2 months, you won’t have the money. Right now you have it in hand. She can only hold the marriage hostage if you let her. Saying you’re at her mercy is BS. There are ways around an uncooperative spouse, you just have to be willing to put in the effort. Whatever good you saw in her is gone. She is no longer the woman you… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Guest

It’s hard to work around an uncooperative spouse when it’s suppose to be a dissolution. This not about the money, I mean that’s obviously a factor but it’s more about doing things in a way thats best for the boys and ensures I can protect them.

Regardless of the delay, it’s still the best path to take. I get what you’re saying but I know how this has to happen and there are reasons far more important than money..

Kim Gebhardt
Guest

I understand that it’s supposed to be a dissolution, which is why I’m saying that if she’s not cooperating, filing for divorce is the next logical step. Sure it’s a more difficult path, but staying married isn’t helping anyone.

I understand that you obviously know better than I do what’s going on between you and Lizze. I just really dislike people who bully others or use circumstances to hold them hostage. She has been in charge of you for 15 years, and you’re the only one who can make it stop.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest

I was in touch with my atty friends today, gave me heaps of assistance. You’re right, it’s not any more expensive See my comments for the info,

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Guest
See my reply above too , divorce doesn’t have to be expensive nor time consuming, I have any attorney pals, that’s a myth. It’s only expensive if there are extensive assets and there are companies there in Canton that will serve her and fill out the forms with the dissolution language you agreed upon. Inexpensive and if she doesn’t respond you’re granted your divorce. There can be no feet dragging and the expense is similar to dissolution. You can also ( I got lots of free advice today) recoup your side of the expenses and she will be held liable… Read more »
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