Depression has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. There have been times when I manage to maintain the upper hand and there are others when Depression makes me its bitch. This is why I refer to my struggles with Depression as a war and not a battle.
(You can read more about my war on Depression by clicking here)
Recently, I made some changes to the may I manage my Depression. More specifically, under medical supervision, I removed a medication I’d been on for about six years.(see my withdrawal from Paxil).
I’ve spoken a great deal about the withdrawal process and for good reason. It’s been absolutely horrible. I’m over five months in and I’m still feeling sick everyday from the withdrawal symptoms.
That being said, I want to update you on how my actual war with Depression is going, because that’s really important.
Depression impacts my life in countless ways and it’s really difficult to pin any one thing down, but overall, I feel I’m doing pretty well. Yes, I’m still sick all the time from the Paxil withdrawal problems but that’s not related to how I’m managing my Depression or what Depression related symptoms I’m dealing with.
As weird as this may sound, I feel like I’m managing better since discontinuing the Paxil. That may sound counterintuitive but it’s the truth.
I feel that I’m more in control of my life and that’s empowering. Feeling empowered if important.
When I’m really struggling with Depression, I don’t sleep well. I tend to stress eat a great deal. I’ll also experience higher levels of anxiety and indecision. I’m very easily overwhelmed and that impacts my ability to be a father/husband. Depression is way more complex than that but those are the big things that I struggle with when I’m down for the count.
Lately, I’ve been sleeping better and I’ve not stress eating at all. I wouldn’t describe myself as feeling super anxious about anything. I sorta feel grounded and have both feet firmly on the ground. That’s a good feeling because I haven’t felt like that in a long time.
I’m walking almost every day and losing weight. If fairness though, some of that is tied to being sick because of the Paxil withdraw.
Overall, I feel like I’m winning the current battle with Depression. It’s not perfect but it’s better.
Between writing, diet, sleeping better, exercise and using my Fisher Wallace Stimulator, I’m holding my own. Moreover, I’m holding my own better than I was while on the Paxil. I also talk to someone when I feel the need to do so.
For the first time in a very long time, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m reasonable sure it’s not a train this time.
Over the course of my life, I’ve fought many battles against Depression and I’m sure there will be many more to fight moving forward.
That’s why I call it a war.