anxiety – Page 487 – The Autism Dad

Life is so heartbreaking at times

We met with Dr. Pattie for therapy again today. Our main focus is on trying to help the boys stabilize after everything with their Mother. To be fair, some of these issues were present before she left but her leaving exacerbated everything as well as create new problems. I'm so overwhelmed by the boys anymore and stabilizing them often feels like a pipe dream. I'm not angry with the boys or anything like that because in my opinion, they're victims of a trauma that they're ill equipped to cope with. It's not their fault but that doesn't make dealing with the fallout any easier. They each have their own unique struggles but they also have some in common as well. All three of the boys are having bathroom issues…

7 Comments

August 18, 2015

Emmett John / Physical Therapy

Emmett kicked butt in physical therapy today

One of the downsides to Akron Children's Hospital taking over where Emmett's physical therapy is being done, is that they have banned parents from taking videos of their kids in action. They have signs up everywhere that say no videotaping allowed. From now on, you'll have to just trust me when I say that Emmett kicked major butt at therapy today. Can he do everything he needs to be able to do? Absolutely not.. That being said, he gives 110% each and every time. He did really well today. He had to do a few things he's never done before and he struggled at first. I sorta pulled him aside and told him to pay attention to the pattern because he functions largely on patterns.. That did it for him…

7 Comments

August 18, 2015

Divorce / My thoughts

I’m approaching three heartbreaking milestones

The next few weeks are going to be very difficult for me. I'm an emotional person and it's not easy for me to let go of the things I truly love. Milestone One August 24th will be my 37th birthday and the first of three milestones. I've celebrated every single one of my birthdays, since 2001, with my wife. Even if we couldn't afford to really do anything special, we were still together and that was all I really needed. This time however, I'll be on my own and don't really know what to do. I don't care how this makes me sound and truthfully, I don't miss the person my wife has become. I do however, miss what I thought I had terribly. Milestone Two About a week…

4 Comments

August 18, 2015

Divorce / My thoughts

Divorce: I don’t know what to do with the pictures of my wife and I

Last night I was filtering throu my Dropbox to find pictures for my Instagram. I wasn't really thinking I guess because I found pictures that I just don't know what to do with anymore. The pictures in question are of my wife and I before she left. I wouldn't get rid of the pictures of her and the kids because the boys might want to see them someday. The pictures taken of just my wife and I are really painful to see. When I see them, everything that has happened just sorta washes away and I wish I could be in that moment once again. I don't know what to do with these memories frozen in time.. Keeping them seems pointless because they'll never happen again but throwing them…

19 Comments

August 18, 2015

My thoughts

Are you ever so tired that your can’t sleep?

I was so incredibly tired last night. I climbed into bed, well before midnight and planned on just passing out and relishing the extra sleep I was going to be giving myself. Unfortunately, that sleep never arrived until many hours later. I laid in bed and closed my eyes but my brain just wouldn't shutdown. Every single thing in my life that causes me stress or worry was being processed last night. I couldn't stop thinking about my divorce, how it's impacting the boys and my constant worry about Gavin's worsening symptoms. It seems like such a cruel twist of fate to be so tired and yet unable to sleep.

3 Comments

August 18, 2015

Today's Victory

Today’s Victory: Survival

It was a really difficult day but that doesn't mean there isn't anything for me to be grateful for... Sometimes when your a special needs parent and despite your best efforts, you just can't tip the scales in your direction. This happens quite a bit in my life but on those days, I don't focus on what I couldn't do. The truth is that sometimes, the biggest victory of all is that you physically and emotionally survived the day.. 😉

1 Comment

August 18, 2015

Gavin / My thoughts

My heart breaks for Gavin tonight :(

Gavin's been through so much in his 15 years on this Earth. If fact, he's been through more in his 15 year than most will in an entire lifetime. Do you know how many times he's complained over the years? Zero, as in not one time. Gavin just takes whatever's dealt him and rolls with it. It's truly amazing.. It's really hard for me to see Gavin suffering and there is nothing I can do to help him. Gavin is one of those kids who just can't catch a break. His emotional and physical health are so complex that no one really knows for sure what to make of it. One of the things we do know for sure is that he doesn't have a functional immune system of…

3 Comments

August 17, 2015

Meltdowns / My thoughts

It’s been a multiple meltdown Monday

Deep breath... Count to 10.... Get your butt in timeout.... Those are the things I kept telling myself today as I tried my best to help the kids make it through what turned out to be a very, very challenging day. Elliott has had no less than 6 meltdowns today. Emmett put his name on the ballot with a few meltdowns himself as well. The most concerning for me personally though was Gavin. For the sake of keeping this post brief, I'll just say that Gavin's spent a large part of today being very frustrated with himself. He's right on the edge of having a full blown stomping, kicking, screaming and self injurious meltdown. It's been so long since I've seen him like this and I'm not sure what's…

1 Comment

August 17, 2015