After 39 days on lockdown, I took my kids out for a bit

We've been in the house for 39 days now. With the exception of going out into the yard, we've not gone anywhere. We're staying home to protect Gavin, ourselves and all of you. I was able to convince everyone to leave the house for a little while today. We took the car through the car wash and went for a short drive. We didn't get out of the car and we wore our masks. We were safe and careful but also astonished by the insane amount of people not social distancing. There were people playing basketball, pickle ball and groups of kids riding their bikes and people watching the track in groups. Not one time did we see anyone wearing a mask and that's scary. People were well inside of…

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To Whom This May Concern

Look, am I okay? No. No I'm not. I imagine if I asked you the same question (and I do almost every single night on Twitter), many of you would answer the same way. The world is absolutely crazy right now and a lot of us aren't doing okay. I'm not a unique case here. So many people are struggling right now. The big difference is that I'm openly sharing how I feel. Not everyone is comfortable doing that and that's okay. My kids and I have been staring at each other for 37 days now. The house feels like it's shrinking and I'm exhausted. There are times that I really struggle and there are times that I'm doing okay-ish. At least as good as one can do under these…

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I’m without direction today

It's 11am EST and 2 of my 3 kids are still sleeping. I'm slowly starting my day but feel like I'm lacking direction. Poor Emmett was having nightmares throughout the night. He's been glued to me all night long. If he wasn't wrapped around my arm, he'd panic. I really need to find a way to get him back into his own bed. He was still struggling with his mom leaving when this all happened. Now everything is much more complicated and difficult. I'm pretty sure today is Sunday, which also means it's Easter. For the first time ever, we're not celebrating. No one feels like celebrating and frankly, I'm just too tired at this point, to really care one way or the other. I'm not proud of that and…

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I’m trying very hard to focus on what I can control

So I'm feeling a little better as the night progresses. The boys are nowhere near ready for bed and sleep has become harder to come by than is was pre-pandemic. I'm trying to focus what little energy I have into positive things. I've got 2 recordings that need mixed and at least one more scheduled for this coming week. If I can get the house sorta quiet, I'll record the rest of what needs to be recorded in order to start mixing them. It's a pleasant distraction for right now. I also decided that we need a place outside, where we can be safely away from everyone else. I started cleaning off my balcony. It's what used to be a called a sleeper porch back in the day. It's not…

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I’m so fucking overwhelmed

I'm trying to write more but the truth is, I'm barely fucking hanging on right now. Last night, in a massive emotional outbursts, Emmett ripped up his schoolwork. He wasn't trying to be difficult or oppositional. He's so overwhelmed by everything and simply not coping well. We've officially crossed a line with the schoolwork at this point. There isn't a child in this country who's education isn't totally fucked up right now. This is causing my kids far too much distress and me too much anxiety. I'm fucking done. I'm fighting feelings of being a total parenting failure right now but the truth is, I'm failing either way. If I force my kids to continue doing the busy work, I'm letting them down because it's clearly not in their best…

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My kids had their first telemedicine appointment yesterday

It's been a few days since I've written. Things are getting rough here in The Autism Dad household and I'd be lying if I told you I was doing fine, because I'm not. Not at all. The kids are absolutely overwhelmed, anxious, overstimulated, angry, frustrated and fucking terrified. They're absolutely terrified and it's not easy to reassure them because they're too smart. They know how bad this is and while I constantly reinforce that we're safe because we're socially isolating, they aren't feeling better about it. I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom but this shit is crazy. This is about as serious as it gets and I can look out my window throughout the day and see countless people not taking this seriously. The boys and I…

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So we’re not homicidal yet and I suppose that’s good

I hope you're all doing well. It's been a longer day than usual and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Longer days seem to slow life down a bit and I'm okay with that. We're still hanging in there and so far, none of us are overtly homicidal yet. That's always a good thing, right? Of course it is. Anyway, first some housekeeping things. The podcast episode for this week will air Friday afternoon-ish. The audio is mixed and uploaded, I'm just needing to finish the artwork and show notes. I'm too tired to get that all done tonight. I'll give you a quick rundown of the this week's episode. I speak with Aaron Shute from Brain Power. They are using Google Glass and augmented reality to help kids and…

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My chest is heavy with anxiety tonight

So things are getting a bit more challenging as the days drag on. Emmett is becoming increasingly frustrated with his schoolwork and I hate the idea of continuing to force this additional stress on him. The work isn't too hard, he's just overwhelmed by life and homework seems unnecessary. The boys haven't been going to bed before midnight for the last week or so. They are too anxious and stressed out to easily shutdown at the end of the day. I decided that I needed to regain some control in this area because life on lockdown is hard enough as it is. Trying to cope while sleep deprived is much more difficult. I shut everything down about 8 PM tonight. Emmett was really worked up over his schoolwork and experiencing…

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