Read more about the article Why I don’t believe time heals all wounds
Divorce / Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Why I don’t believe time heals all wounds

Yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days of my life but I survived. My marriage of nearly two decades officially came to an end, oddly enough, with the same words that it began with, I do. Our court hearing took place over the phone, at my attorney's office. It's kinda weird doing something like this over the phone but COVID has changed a great many things on our daily lives. The whole process took only a few minutes and it basically ended with the Lizze and I each being asked if we wanted to the court to adopt our agreement. I hadn't recognized the irony of answering that question with I do until 24 hours later, as I was writing this. The question was asked something like this. Robert,…

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February 10, 2021
Read more about the article I’m struggling a bit tonight
My thoughts

I’m struggling a bit tonight

I'm getting divorced on Tuesday morning and there are a few things Lizze wanted from the house. It was kinda like a scavanger hunt because I couldn't find some of these things at first. After a few phones calls back and forth, I managed to locate most of what she was looking for. There are some items in the attic but they're staying there until I gut it, hopefully this spring. Anyway, I emptied my closet completely for the first time since she left and I came across quite a few memories that hurt to remember. They would otherwise be positive memories, and perhaps with time, someday they will be again. Everything is collected into about four or five boxes and they're just sitting in my room, waiting to be…

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February 7, 2021
Read more about the article My life will forever change next week but I’m going to be okay
Depression / My thoughts

My life will forever change next week but I’m going to be okay

I realized this morning that my marriage will officially be over in a week. I'm sure it will be the main topic in therapy this week. This whole thing is a mixed bag for me because letting go of something that was so important to me is incredibly difficult. There's a roller coaster of emotions surrounding this and as I'm laying here on the couch, listening to my kids kids playing upstairs, I'm getting emotional. I've been talking to my therapist about this a lot and last week, she was pretty blunt with me. She's a little concerned that while I may be doing okay right now, next Tuesday could be a very different story. I'm managing my depression as well as can be expected under all these insane conditions.…

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February 1, 2021
Read more about the article Do you ever feel like an awful parent?
My thoughts

Do you ever feel like an awful parent?

It's been one of those days where I feel like the shittiest parent in the world. I know that part of this is depression talking but another part of it is just how I feel. I'm having a difficult time managing everything right now and I just can't seem to keep up. The kids are all on edge. Actually, Gavin's doing pretty well. Elliott and Emmett are on edge. They're over COVID and all that goes along with it. I can't say as I blame them. I mean, who among us isn't over all this shit at this point. I know I am. Elliott had technical issues with remote learning today and was unable to hear anything for part of the day. That creates a great deal of frustration for…

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January 27, 2021
Read more about the article I’m getting divorced: What I’m grateful for and few other updates
My thoughts

I’m getting divorced: What I’m grateful for and few other updates

The boys are still sleeping and Gavin's IVIG Infusion is going. The only noise I hear at the moment is the filter in the aquarium because the tank needs water added. It sounds like a water fall but not the calm, relaxing kind. It's super annoying and I will dump some water in when I'm done with this. After the inauguration, I just sorta crashed. Trump, COVID and my divorce, I have had me extremely stressed out and the last few days have been one long exhale. I figure there's no time like to present to get you an overdue update and so here I am. As I mentioned, the boys are still asleep. It's a no school day and I'm letting them sleep. Frankly, aside from the fish tank,…

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January 22, 2021
Read more about the article A fun little update
My thoughts

A fun little update

It's been an interesting weekend thus far. The boys came home yesterday from a visit with their Mom. They all had a great time and I'm so glad we were able to get this safely worked out. There was some transition challenges but it's a small price to pay for everyone to get a chance to be together. We managed to get through all those challenges and have settled into Gavin's birthday weekend. He turns 21 on Monday and while I'm in disbelief at the amount of time that has passed, it's an amazing moment. We're going to spread out the celebration over the next few days. We had his birthday dinner tonight, which was his favorite Chinese takeout. I had talked it over with the boys and they decided…

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January 16, 2021
Read more about the article T-minus 30 Days
Divorce / Inspirational Posts / Link / My thoughts

T-minus 30 Days

We're just beginning to wade into 2021 and there are already some major changes coming our way. Perhaps the most important is the finalization of my divorce. Lizze and I learned that exactly 30 days from today, our divorce will be final. That's a good deal faster than either one of us had planned on. We had projected that we would be looking at the second or third week in February at the earliest. This really doesn't change anything but it just pushes the date forward a bit. Nothing aside from that has changed. I guess I was knocked back a little because I had prepared myself for a later date but I supposed sooner is better than later. The kids are aware of this and while they aren't aware…

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January 9, 2021
Read more about the article The ups and downs of 2020
My thoughts

The ups and downs of 2020

We're going to have a quiet evening tonight as we ring in the new year. We have no plans for anything other than maybe watching some movies and spending time together. I ordered dinner for us and it should be dropped off shortly. It's one of those days that I'm really struggling to keep my head above water. I'm frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I'm spent. I feel like this is quite possibly the loneliest I've ever been in my life. I've mentioned before that I'm a sentimental person and this is one of those times where I feel the loss of my marriage. It's just one of those things and I struggle a bit on these days. As time passes these moments won't be so impactful and I'll make new memories.…

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January 1, 2021