Read more about the article It’s a big day for my kids
My thoughts

It’s a big day for my kids

The boys are leaving to spend a couple days with their mom. It's been a couple months since they've been able to have actual, physical contact, due to COVID. In fact, they've only been able to visit two times since the March 5th, this being the third. It's been hard on everyone but Lizze and I decided at the onset of COVID that the priority must always be safety. There are people at high risk in both our houses and that has to be taken seriously. Agree or disagree, it's what we feel is best at this time. Anyway, Lizze and her household have just finished up a fourteen day quarantine and I'll be dropping the boys off in a little while. They wanted to schedule the drop off after…

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September 23, 2020
Read more about the article My kids visit their mom this week and I have nothing planned for myself
My thoughts

My kids visit their mom this week and I have nothing planned for myself

I took the kids hiking today. We found a new trail, where we don't run into anyone else, which is why we don't have masks on in the picture. We had our masks with us in case we came across other humans but we didn't. The kids are going to see their mom this week and I don't think they could be any more excited. Assuming everyone is still healthy, the kids will go to school on Wednesday and I'll drop them off around 2pm. I have absolutely nothing planned for my time while the kids are gone. It would be ideal for me to have a list of things I want to accomplish but the reality is that I don't get breaks very often right now. The kids will…

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September 20, 2020
Read more about the article Therapy is helping me become better
Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Therapy is helping me become better

I had therapy yesterday and I feel like I'm making progress. I'm the picture of imperfection and I'm the first to admit that but the last to forgive myself for it. This last year has been incredibly challenging for me and that came after the hardest six months of my life. Losing my last two grandparents was so hard and I hadn't yet found my footing when my marriage imploded for a second time. That began a journey I didn't ask to go one but it was something I had no control over. Ensuring the kids got through all this has been my number one priority and honestly, that came at my own expense. Then COVID hit and our lives were turned upside down once again, just like everyone else.…

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September 17, 2020
Read more about the article Finally, a bit of good news
My thoughts

Finally, a bit of good news

I wanted to update you guys on my current court situation. As I shared yesterday, I was subpoenaed to be a State's witness in a serious trial. You can read what this is all about here. Okay, so I heard back from the prosecuting attorney and they really nice about everything. I'm so grateful for that. I was informed that I don't need to worry about it. We went over a bit of information and it was decided that I probably won't be needed but it's still possible that I will be. Rather than make me show up to court all week, I can hang at home and worst case scenario, they will take my testimony remotely. That's a huge relief. The kids are relieved I don't have to go…

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September 12, 2020
Read more about the article A huge thank you and a birthday confession
Confessions / My thoughts

A huge thank you and a birthday confession

Today has been a total roller coaster ride. I turned 42 years old today and it was a rough birthday for a million reasons. The last few days have been particularly difficult for me. The other night I had a very vivid dream. It was basically that my family was whole and that my marriage never imploded. It was just everyday life things. Kids went to school, I worked and we did all the normal things we used to do. It felt so real and it was one of those dreams where it's like you wake up in your dream and think you're actually awake. It's really weird. Anyway, it was such a good feeling and it honestly felt like all of this last year had just been a bad…

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August 25, 2020
Read more about the article I’ve been a single parent for exactly 1 year today and I have some thoughts
Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

I’ve been a single parent for exactly 1 year today and I have some thoughts

It's been one year since I became a single parent again. I've said before that I'm really weird with milestones and anniversaries because they mark moments in my life that were impactful for whatever reason. Maybe I'm too sentimental but it's just sorta the way I am. Everything in my life changed on August 10, 2019. I've been quite busy these last 365 days because the kids require the vast majority of my time and energy. Who am I kidding, they require more time and energy than I have on a good day. While none of this has been or likely will ever be easy, I've experienced a great deal of personal growth along the way. I'm learning a great deal about myself. What I deserve, what I don't deserve,…

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August 12, 2020
Read more about the article I’m losing interest in all the things I once enjoyed
Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

I’m losing interest in all the things I once enjoyed

It's been a pretty rough couple of days. Scratch that. It's been a pretty rough year. I'm feeling a great deal of pressure right now and it doesn't look to be getting better, anytime soon. I'm fact, it's likely to only get worse. School is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more and more nervous about this whole distance learning thing. I don't really worry so much about the kids because I believe they can totally handle this. I'm nervous that I won't be able to handle this. I've been working a lot the last few days but unfortunately, it's not translating into much financially, at the moment. That fact alone has me unable to sleep at night. I know that literally millions and millions of people are dealing…

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August 9, 2020
Read more about the article Navigating The In-Between
Inspirational Posts / My thoughts / Navigating Divorce

Navigating The In-Between

So last night was pretty rough. We're coming up on the one year mark since Lizze moved out and while I feel like the kids are doing better, there's still a tremendous amount of pain. Each of the kids deal with everything in different ways. Gavin simply accepts whatever he's told, never questioning anything. Emmett doesn't want to make waves, so he largely avoids any type of conflict but is angry. Elliott accepts nothing and keeps everything bottled up until he explodes. It was like an emotional nuclear bomb exploded in my living room last night. Elliott unloaded a great deal of what he's been keeping inside and all I could really do was listen. I don't agree with everything he said but I won't take away how he feels.…

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August 5, 2020