Read more about the article I’ve been on #COVID lockdown with my 3 kids for 365 days
My thoughts

I’ve been on #COVID lockdown with my 3 kids for 365 days

It's been a rough couple of days. Friday, March 5th marked the 365th day of COVID lockdown for us. It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed us by. This time has had a significant impact on us both physically and emotionally. A great deal has happened inside of this last year but the only thing that truly matters right now is that everyone in my home is safe. There have been tremendous sacrifices made in order to get to this point and while they weren't easy, I'm thankful that myself and my kids are safe. At the end of the day, we're still here and I can't express the heartache I feel for all the people who have died or lost a loved one due to COVID.…

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March 7, 2021
Read more about the article I pushed the limits of my comfort level a bit but I think we did good
After Divorce / Elliott / Happy Birthday / Parenting

I pushed the limits of my comfort level a bit but I think we did good

Elliott's birthday was largely successful. I think it was anyway. After the boys finished class for the day, I got them over to see Lizze and we hung out in the driveway for about twenty minutes. Everyone was double masked and socially distanced. The boys were able to get hugs from their mom that's always a big thing for them. Like I said yesterday, this wasn't ideal and I felt a little uncomfortable but I also think we were both safe and smart about it. Sometimes, the emotional wellbeing of the kids involves limited and calculated risk. I ordered pizza prior to our arrival and timed it such that we would pick it up on the way home. It kept us on a schedule and it's what Elliott wanted for…

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March 5, 2021
Read more about the article I’m trying to make my son’s 2nd birthday while on #COVID lockdown a happy one
After Divorce / Elliott / My thoughts / Parenting

I’m trying to make my son’s 2nd birthday while on #COVID lockdown a happy one

As you may or may not know, today is Elliott's 15th birthday. Today also marks the second birthday in row that he's celebrated on COVID lockdown. While Lizze and I are trying to make arrangements for the boys to go over, it's not a quick process. There's a lot of planning that goes into visits when you are in the middle of a pandemic and have high risk people in both households. Elliott is bummed because he wasn't going to be able to see his mom on his birthday. As bad as this is going to sound, I was excited to to hear that he was feeling this way. The reason for that is not because I'm a dick but rather it shows me that he is indeed healing and…

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March 4, 2021
Read more about the article Why I’m increasing my antidepressant today
Confessions / Depression Management / Medications / My thoughts

Why I’m increasing my antidepressant today

I gave myself one week to grieve the loss of my marriage and that week was officially over. While I'm not hitting the ground running, at least as quickly as I was hoping, I am moving forward. In a little while, I have an appointment with my PCP over the phone, due to COVID. I've made the decision to talk to my doctor about increasing my antidepressant. The reason behind this is that I recognize that everything has taken a toll on me and while I'm not defeated, I'm also not in total control either. Depression is influencing me a bit more than I'm comfortable with right now, and frankly, it has been. The last couple of years have been difficult and I've been dealing with a lot. COVID has…

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February 17, 2021
Read more about the article I gave myself 1 week to grieve
My thoughts

I gave myself 1 week to grieve

As you know by now, I finalized my divorce about a week ago. If you been following for any length of time, you know that this was an emotionally complicated experience for me. This wasn't something I wanted and I didn't understand what happened. Fast forward a year and a half, and I've accepted that my marriage was ending. I'm not happy about it but I do understand it's for the best. As I've said before, the person I married doesn't exist anymore. It's not meant to be an insult to her either. People change and she totally acknowledges that. One of the complicated things for me is coming to grips with this. It's been challenging for me at times and dealing with depression doesn't help. My whole point is…

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February 15, 2021
Read more about the article I’m reprioritizing my daily life
My thoughts

I’m reprioritizing my daily life

I'm kinda pushing myself to get through today. Nothing drastic has changed but I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I'm relieved that my life is finally moving forward and I can begin implementing some of the things I've been waiting to do. That's all positive. At the same time, however, I feel depleted and out of sorts. I slept pretty good last night and that's good. The problem I believe, is more about the years of stress, pain, and exhaustion that have culminated since 2014. All of that has finally reached its conclusion, and I don't have to be strong or stoic anymore for myself or my kids. I'm able to let myself feel these things now. I'm starting over and in order to do that, I have to go through…

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February 14, 2021
Read more about the article Having reasonable expectations for myself
My thoughts

Having reasonable expectations for myself

It's Thursday and that means the last day of school for the week. Fridays are deemed independent work days and that essentially means that it's a day where the kids get caught up on any school work they haven't finished. If they're current, it's a free day. I'm pretty sure both boys are caught up but I'll know for sure after they're done with school today. I went to bed in a not so good place and woke up feeling better. Emmett must have had a nightmare because I woke up several times because he kicked me. When I fell asleep last night, Emmett was safely tucked into his own bed and fast asleep. I'm not sure what happened. Either way, I'm glad I could be there for him to…

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February 11, 2021
Read more about the article A long overdue emotional exhale
My thoughts

A long overdue emotional exhale

I feel like my day started off amazingly well and then it slowly, methodically descended into chaos as the day went on. I managed to get some work done but not enough and that's really frustrating me. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and in the process of figuring out how to go about building a new life. Emmett is struggling because he apparently was under the impression the divorce had been finalized for a long time. When it discovered that it wasn't going to be finalized until yesterday, it really upset him. I didn't know he had misunderstood the situation for so long and I'm not sure what lead to the confusion. Unfortunately, he now feels like the whole thing has been reopened. He's on a hair trigger right now and it's…

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February 10, 2021