Twelve years ago today, I married my best friend. Twelve years ago today, was the best day of my life, aside from my kids being born.
Rather than celebrating 12 years of marriage today, I will be sitting down with my wife and finishing up our divorce papers. I certainly wouldn’t have picked today to do this it needs to get done.
Truthfully, I’m not even sure she knew what the date was when she setup this little project for today.
I don’t want my marriage back because it turns out that it wasn’t what I thought it was and she isn’t who I thought she was. That doesn’t however, change the magnitude of loss that I feel. It doesn’t mean I grieve any less or somehow feel relieved that this has happened.
I was living in blissful ignorance and so I didn’t know the difference.
It’s akin to living your whole life in the Matrix and then suddenly being pulled out. Once you’re pulled out, you can see things for what they really were. That doesn’t mean you don’t miss what you thought was your life. It doesn’t mean that you don’t sometimes wish you could just plug back in and wrap yourself in the warm, inviting blanket of blissful ignorance once again.
I want this all to be put behind me and the only way to do that is to move forward. The only way to move forward is to get this done and that’s what I’m gonna do.
There’s still plenty of time to grieve.