Sometimes the truth isn’t always puppies and kittens

I truly feel that there’s a difference between being negative and being honest about a tough situation. 

By sharing the good, bad and even the ugly, people get a much more accurate picture of what life is like. 

In my life right now, my divorce is a huge issue that impacts many areas of my life and that of my kids. Sharing my feeling s in an honest fashion, helps others to relate and me to feel better.  

While my marriage was apparently over on October 14 of 2014, I’m very near its official end, at least in the eyes of the law. 

Maybe this will finally allow me to find some closure?

I’ve adapted to being a single parent and while I could definitely be better at it, I’m doing the best I can. 

I don’t really talk about this subject very often but I’m in a place where it has been sorta welling up for awhile now. 

Describing how I feel is very difficult for me and I’m quite an articulate person. 

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It’s like the pain I feel has less to do with my wife leaving after 15 years and more to do with not knowing how to move on. This is one of those moments in life where Lost and Tired felt like such a good fit for me. 

Anyway, I’m not looking to find a relationship or even go down that path right now. 

All I want is to find peace. I want to find closure and so far, it’s continued to elude me. It’s not like I spend my days searching but I wouldn’t mind tripping over it at some point. Maybe I could get back up and feel better about everything but I don’t think it works that way. 

Everything I do is for my kids and I just feel like there’s no time for me in this equation of life. 

Perhaps it sounds like I’m complaining but that’s really not my intent. 

All things considered, I have my health, a roof over my head, a talent for writing, I help a lot of people and most importantly I have my kids with me 24/7. 

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Those are all blessings and I’m grateful for them all. I just feel like there’s a void in my life and I can’t find anything to fill it with. 

It’s like those toys when we were kids where you had to match the star shaped block to the star shaped hole in order for the block to fit inside the box.  I just can’t find the correctly shaped block to fill that void I’ve been left with.  

I don’t think it’s a person. I feel like it’s a moment of clarity that will finally bring me peace and until then, I’m sorta left wandering around, lost in my new life.  

Again, I know that sounds depressing but it’s what I’m feeling. My mission with this blog has always been to present my life in a truly open, honest and transparent way. 

Sometimes the truth isn’t always puppies and kittens.