Turning my water being shut off into a teachable moment




The world doesn’t slow down just because you have special needs kids.  In almost every case, I still have to meet the same societal responsibilities as everyone else. 

There are times where I don’t feel it’s fair because the amount of responsibility on my plate is seriously disproportionate and ranges from almost always overwhelming to completely consuming. 

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I came home from walking this morning, only to discover that my water had been shut off.  I don’t really have any options at the moment either.

It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling to stay above water for awhile now, especially since becoming a single Dad.  It’s not like we didn’t struggle sometimes before that because we did.  Now there’s fewer players on the field, no timeouts and no substitutions…

Life is just harder. 

I know that it’s easier said than done but it’s really important to keep my chin up and here’s why.

Nothing is ever going to be easy and that’s okay because nothing worth having ever will.

Facing unexpected challenges like this, forces me to be a little more resourceful in my approach to things.

I’d be lying if I said this kind of thing doesn’t stress me out or get me down but it’s important that I not let it keep me down. 

When you find something that gets you down, remember that life will go on and you cant give up…..☺

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39 Comments on "Turning my water being shut off into a teachable moment"

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Braden
Member

You really need to get a handle on this.
It saddens me to read what is being turned off, especially since I’m not reading about any attempts to correct it…or at least prevent it from happening again

Kim Gebhardt
Member

Rob, I’m curious how your finances are worse since Lizze left. Unless you’re paying her some form of support, you should be in better shape with one less mouth to feed and one less person to clothe. Also, your utility bills should be at least slightly lower. I agree with Braden in that you need to get a handle on this. Your kids spent the entire summer with no hot water, and now they have no water at all.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Member
I’m also thinking along these lines, but Lizze should also be paying Rob support. The non-custodial parent is the one who pays support. Always. If she indeed was approved for SSI (which it looked like she was going through the process when she left) then she needs to ante up big time. Almost every state will garnish any form of wages, earnings or benefits and automatically deduct them from her, to you. PLEASE let no misguided sense of chivalry cheat you of what you are not only entitled to, but those precious kids are going without life’s very, very basics!… Read more »
Kim Gebhardt
Member

I don’t think Lizze has any income. This came up a week or so ago and I think he said she was not getting disability. I agree that he needs to get court ordered child support, so that if she ever does come into some money, it can be used for the kids.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Member
Thanks for the heads up, I miss some info here and there. I also pretty much always agree with you, btw. We are all wanting the best for Rob, those kids and their life journey but telling it like it is is incredibly more helpful in the long run than showering Rob with platitudes. No doubt, Rob, you’re doing the best job you can in an unenviable position. Suggestions are just that, trying to help you see things from different perspectives! I’m not surprised she did not receive it. I read her entire blog and was just incredibly bowled over… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member
We just crossed each other’s comments. You’re observations are pretty accurate and dealing with someone in that position isn’t always easy. I see everything for what it was now and that’s a really bitter pill to swallow. I miss the person I feel in love with and married but for all intents and purposes, she’s dead. . . There have been choices made that make the obstacles I’m facing on my own, even more difficult to overcome and there is a rhyme and reason for my handling of the situation the way I am. My priority is ensuring the kids… Read more »
Alyssa Rogers Williams
Member

Great to know. And you’re right, we don’t know (nor do we need to know) every little detail and of course priority #1 is protecting your children. Keep on keepin’ on, I really want you to know my commentary has never been to criticize or judge, (I just don’t have super tactful bedside manner,lol) And thank you for the clarification (s) .

Rob Gorski
Member

I really appreciate your kind words smile

Kim Gebhardt
Member

Alyssa, I read Lizze’s blog from start to finish and also noticed the obvious mental illness. The other thing I noticed was that Gavin did a complete turnaround once she was out of the house. That says a lot to me.

Rob Gorski
Member
I’m gonna try this a second time. The first comment didn’t post for some reason. I put myself out there and so I open myself up to opinion. I totally get that. All I ask is that you please try to take the post in the spirit it was intended. My life is incredibly difficult and yes, shit happens. What I was trying to do with this post was encourage those of you out there going through something similar. Whether or not you agree, a great many people look up to me and I have the countless emails and social… Read more »
Mo
Member

Do you ever worry about CPS? The amount of times you have had utilities turned off in just the short time I’ve been reading your blog is alarming.

Rob Gorski
Member
No I don’t because that has nothing to do with CPS. The boys are fed, loved, clothed and have a roof over their heads. I’ve had run ins with CPS in the past relating to spite calls and they are very supportive. I lost the gas for two months during the summer but got that fixed. The water was shut off today but will hopefully be fixed in the morning. That’s not really alarming because it’s real life. I’m not happy or proud of these disconnects but I know I’m doing the best that I can. I’m managing a million… Read more »
pegster999
Member

I hope you get it on tomorrow. I know you could…go… outside. But having a toilet with no water to flush isn’t sanitary. The boys need to be bathed, clothes washed. I know it’s hard, but this can’t go on like this.

Kim Gebhardt
Member

Rob, asking for child support at this stage is less about getting money now and more about being ‘repaid’ if she finds herself getting money from social security, inheritance, lawsuit, or even lottery winnings. But you will have to have an established order and proof of ‘non-payment’ in order to get it. These are her children, and she is as responsible for them as you are, no matter her physical or mental ailments.

Rob Gorski
Member
I get that. I’m trying to keep this as civil as possible and my priority is simply retaining control over the kids because that’s the only way I can ensure their safety, wellbeing and be able to ensure that no one can create anymore problems. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m trying to walk a line with what I say. I do agree with what you are saying though and that option will still be available. Right now it’s a mean to an end amd honestly, my ship will come in, I know that because I can… Read more »
Kim Gebhardt
Member

Rob, if you honestly think that your ship is coming in then you need to make the divorce papers a priority and get it finalized ASAP.

Rob Gorski
Member

I’m doing just that. There’s one page that needs filled out and then we are getting them notarized and submitted. That is going to happen tomorrow..

I completely agree

Correction: I’m doing that on Thursday

pegster999
Member

I can only speak for myself, but I would bet others are thinking the same. As a mother, I just don’t understand how someone could give birth to children and take absolutely no responsibility for them. I don’t understand how it was allowed for so long either. This just isn’t normal.

Rob Gorski
Member
Nothing about this is normal… I’m not allowing anything. There are some major mental health issues at work. The woman I married would never have done this but the woman I married doesn’t exist anymore. Even if I took hard-core legal action, it would go nowhere. At the end of the day, the best approach is to things civil and ensure that I remain in charge of the kids. She’s not evil but she’s not well either. This is a really complicated situation and I have to focus on the big picture…. I know that’s hard to wrap your head… Read more »
Darcy
Member
I’ll chime in and no one may like it, but here goes….this has got nothing to do with lizze. Obviously she doesn’t have a job and/or was denied for SSI disability or whstever, but Rob the moment she left, you should have gone to the county social services (and you should have done this before) and applied for food stamps & cash assistance. There are also services that will pay for your utility bills (I’ve been on all these services). Even if you pay $5 or $10 bucks a month they can’t turn your water or electricity off and if… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member

I’m not even going to respond to that accept to say that you are mistaken and your information in not accurate.

I’ve applied for and gotten every available source of assistance that I qualify for and I don’t qualify for much.

There is NOWHERE in my state and county that will pay for utilities. That simply doesn’t happen. There are structured plans for Gas and Electric but nothing for water.

I’ve dignified this comment more than what I planned on doing already…

With that I will wish you a good day…

Darcy
Member
Sweetheart, before my divorce, when I was a two income family, I was able get food stamps & eventually unemployment & went to food banks, so I don’t understand how as a person with no job, no child support, no disability payments for the kids that you say you don’t qualify for much?? How is that possible?? You’ve had CPS called on you before out of spite, but the more calls people make, CPS will get tired of coming out & just take. I follow someone on FB who their son was fed, loved, had a roof over his head… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member
Okay. I’m not you’re sweetheart. Secondly, I don’t know where you live but it sounds like you’re making a ton of assumptions based on what was available to you. It doesn’t work that way everywhere. I have food assistance but don’t qualify for most other services. If I needed a food bank, I would go to food bank. There’s a reason CPS doesn’t get involved and that’s because my situation is as I describe it. I’ve got documentation for everything and when they came the last time, they said how good of a job I was doing, especially considering everything.… Read more »
Darcy
Member
I understand your situation completely, you ignored what you wanted to avoid. As i stated I am in the same situation. Isn’t money what everyone needs? Wouldn’t getting a job solve that? Maybe a job isn’t the solution but how else are you going to get money? Keep asking people to click on your ads? I have a job AND I donate my plasma for money, so I can continue to pay for things becuz my job doesn’t pay enough. Just like YOU Rob, I won’t divulge every little detail, but whether or not I share WORSE struggles than you… Read more »
dotdash
Member
Hi Darcy, It sounds as if you have been through the wringer. I’m so sorry that you have had to do something as difficult as let your children be raised by another family. That’s a brave thing to do. I’m always struck by how difficult life can be and how much help we need from those around us. If it’s just you on your own, please give yourself a break. It is hard to do even with 2 parents, an extended family, supportive schools, and enough money. Anyone who has to make do without all of that is doing a… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member

Very well said. You have such a positive and calming approach.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that it’s very difficult to completely understand someone’s situation without having walked in their shoes.

When dealing with something as challenging as Autism, everyone’s experience is different. The same diagnosis doesn’t mean the same experience.

Alyssa Rogers Williams
Member
Oh, I didn’t want to but two comments so off base… Darcy……you have to use at least a modicum of intelligence to extrapolate that a guy that does what Rob does (alone) and has coded and designed forums and an app, is smart enough to go through every hoop possible to assist himself and his children in any way possible. I shouldn’t have even dignified your rants (that in part seem to be maybe?almost showing concern, but myopically so) but in the end you’re comparing apples to oranges. Your experiences ARE NOT HIS. This is a blog of awareness and… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member
Thank you.. ☺ You’re exactly right.. If this go were as simple as “just getting over it” or “just getting a job”, I would have done that forever ago. There’s nothing about this that’s fun for me.. I’m stressed out all the time. I function on no sleep and go pretty much nonstop all day. On top of doing that, I’m continuing to try and help as many people as possible. The helping part helps with my sanity… Thank You for recognizing that services are localized and different based on where you live. . ☺
Darcy
Member
If Rob is soo intelligent and has ‘coded and designed forums & apps’ than how can things “slip” (rob’s words) that he can’t pay for his electricity & water at times?? In regards to gavin, I’m sure Rob & his team of doctors have come up with all they’ve can, but it’s more of Rob not wanted to let Gavin “go”. Rob wants & needs to shelter & take care of all his boys on his own & wants & needs to attention of doing so. IF Rob doesn’t share every ‘iota’ of his personal life than he leaves himself… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member

Darcy,

If you want to continue attacking me, fine. If you continue to attack my readers, You will be banned. In 6 years, I’ve only banned 3 people..

julh
Member

Darcy, since you’ve apparently developed the ability to read minds, you should be a millionaire! How else would you know that Rob doesn’t want to let Gavin go and wants to shelter the boys and look after them all by himself. Please share with us the secret to your talents, so that we may all gain your superior insight.

Braden
Member

To be fair, that isn’t a crazy assumption on her part. I have gone back and read the archives, there are lots of reasons for why he can’t do things over the years, but very few written explanations of him trying to do anything different.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

julh
Member
I’m not going to be as polite as Rob, because your comment is full of ignorance and demonstrates how clearly you don’t understand Rob’s situation. Gavin is too medically fragile to be accepted into residential care. He’s too unwell to attend school ffs. In terms of Lizze “minding” him, do us all a favour and go and read about what Gavin was like before Lizze left. I’ll summarise it for you – Gavin displayed self injurious and sociopathic behaviours on a frequent basis. Since Lizze left, the turn around in Gavin’s behaviour and ability to demonstrate empathy has been absolutely… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Member

Much appreciated. Thank you. I know you get it. Thank you for everything. ☺

Darcy
Member
As i stated to Rob below i have been in his situation & worse!! My kids n I have experienced what Rob & his kids are going thru & even worse, cuz we did lose our home & other things & I have two special needs kids & Rob’s younger boys are in a better school than my kids could ever be & that’s great, but I knew my limits & got the help I needed, even tho it wasn’t direct money & insured that my kids would always have running hot water without worry of it being shut off,… Read more »
julh
Member
Being in a wheelchair and completely dependent is high level care, but completely different from Gavin and not necessarily “fragile”. Gavin’s fragility lies in the rarity of his conditions and the unpredictability of his health. The challenge would be in finding a medical team with the required expertise to manage his needs for an 8-12 hour period, in a facility that supports adolescents with severe mental health disorders. Any suggestions? Rob and Gavin’s medical teams have explored this option. Gavin has been refused admission from several residential settings because of his complex needs. I’m sorry that you were told to… Read more »
MB13
Member

Judging by your comments I am assuming you already tried LIHEAP, but in case you haven’t or if it can help your other readers…. http://www.liheapch.acf.hhs.gov/profiles/Ohio.htm

Rob Gorski
Member

I’m not familiar with LIHEAP but I am with regular HEAP.. If they are the same, they’re in between programs…

I’ll definitely check it the link… ☺

Thanks

MBee
Member
LIHEAP opened on 11/1; I assume that is everywhere, but maybe not… I once asked for heating help – there was help for an over-due gas bill, but not heating fuel. Help for the overdue electric, but only once a year and we didn’t own space heaters. I learned later that folks would over-report their meter-reading, and wait for the shut-off and get it paid, putting them KWH ahead to heat with electric. Plus their gas bill was paid.. Some thoughts? I have one less mouth to feed right now, since our grown son is away and you’d think it… Read more »
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