If you have children with your ex, do you still follow them on social media?

I’m recently running into a situation and I’m not sure what to do…

When my wife left, there was nothing mutual about it.  I was desperately trying to figure out what happened to cause her to do the things she’d done and how we could fix our marriage. 

What I’ve learned is that sometimes you don’t fail your marriage, your marriage fails you. 

There was nothing I could do and I’ve since learned that the boys and I are sadly, much better off now. 

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That being said, when it comes to your ex-spouse or ex-parenter, what’s the protocol for social media? Do you unfollow them or remain connected in that manner?

For me, it seems really petty to unfriend her but at the same time, I don’t want to see the things she’s posting, especially when I’m struggling to raise our kids by myself. 

If I didn’t have my kids 24/7 like I do, I would want to stay connected that way because it would keep me connected with my kids potentially.

It’s certainly not that I go looking for anything either but stuff pops up in my time line or feeds and it’s not the kind of stuff that makes me feel good. 

So my question to you is this:

If you have children with your ex, do you still follow them on social media?

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  • julh

    My partner unfriended his ex, but there was infidelity involved. I monitor her (facebook stalk) on social media because it gives insight into her current mental health.

    • You know about my situation and you know everything. Your logic is exactly where I’ve been coming from.. That’s the only reason for me to want to maintain that connection. It’s not pleasant to read how the other half is living but it does provide insight. I just don’t know if it’s worth the pain.

      • julh

        Maybe stay friends on facebook but just unfollow so you can check if needed but it’s not coming up in your feed.
        Just checked Instagram…unfollow, you don’t need to see that shit.

        • I don’t want to be overly sensitive but putting everything into context, it is pretty shitty…

          • julh

            You’re not being overly sensitive. You’re looking after yourself, your own feelings and mental health. I don’t think the insight you get from that specific feed is worth the pain it causes you, which then flows on to effect the care you’re able to provide the boys.
            You and your little dudes are on a different path now, you’re free from her illness and behaviour physically, now’s your chance to take some steps emotionally. As hard as it is, I think it’s the right thing to do.

        • Alyssa Rogers Williams

          But the attorney in me says , document and save if needed for any legal battles up the road, especially pulling the”I’m disabled with 100 unsubstantiated things” card. Why do you think she didn’t get disability? Hard to pull the wool over those guys, they’ve seen and heard it all

          • I guess it doesn’t matter cause I just got blocked…

            • Alyssa Rogers Williams

              I’m sorry if I was the cause of that. This is public and I should’ve pm’d that last thought….:O

              • I didnt mean to imply that at all. I’ve been unfriended and blocked everywhere else. Honestly, it’s kinda liberating.

                I don’t need or want to see those things and I certainly wouldn’t want the kids to read that stuff. The boys are very gifted in the art of googling anything they want to know..

                You’re fine.. ☺

                • Kim Gebhardt

                  The fact that she blocked you leads me to believe that she reads this blog (unless you had a conversation with her that we don’t know about). And if she reads this blog, then she knows that her children are struggling with all of this and that it’s had a HUGE impact on them. I’m not saying that she should have stayed for the kids, but she could have given them a moment’s thought before she left the way she did. She should be ashamed of herself.

                • julh

                  I got blocked too!

  • Kim Gebhardt

    For myself, I feel that forewarned is forearmed, but you have to have a thick skin for it. For you? Well, logically you recognize that you and the boys are better off now, but emotionally you’re still an open wound. You’d probably be better off unfriending her because I really do believe she’s manipulative and borderline enough to post ‘innocent’ things in order to poke you with a stick and it ends up putting you in a bad place.
    Also, regarding her manipulative behavior, I hope doesn’t try to manipulate the boys and make them feel guilty about things.

  • single mom

    i unfriended my ex, mostly because i couldn’t stand to see the things he would do and buy when he refused (or said he had no money) to pay any child support. I only have one little guy(and yes is is on the spectrum), who is the absolute center of my world, and i could never understand why he was not the center of his fathers world too. Instead there would be promises of visits and fun plans, that would almost always be cancelled or just a plain no-show. Then i would see on FB that he had gone out boating and sea-dooing with friends, or out on vacation, or doing fun things with his new GF’s neurotical kid. it was to painful to see all the time, so for my own sake , he had to go. now i don’t see his crap and i’m much happier that way.

    (for the sake of backstory, we separated because he had extreme anger issues, and could not be faithful to us. I left when our son was 6 months old)

    • I’m so sorry that happened to you and I thank you for sharing your personal experience. ☺

  • julh

    LOVE the giant panda analogy.

  • When I’m struggling to do everything for the kids on my own, it’s really frustrating.. Forearmed is my new favorite word….

  • Darcy Dallin

    I wanted to “stalk” my EX on Facebook LOL! but he completely blocked me & put his settings to very very private or whatever because you can’t find him & he made his financee put her settings on very very private because you can’t find her either, but I know they both have accounts but I just don’t care.
    I would suggest to stop or block yourself from all social media from your EX’s, unless you are good friends to, but if lizzie is “dead” to you just unfriend/unfollow her from everything.

    • Lizze isn’t dead to me…. The I married doesn’t exist anymore but she will never be dead to me…but I get your point…

  • Alyssa Rogers Williams

    Kim, I saw the same and left a lengthy comment on a few posts back (the 11th “I’m really struggling tonight” post alluding to it)

    I was really aghast. And I probably overreacted but you may want to read it. But Rob, I think Kim is right, better to know, and I mentioned some of these things should be saved in that previous comment. If you can get out and drink beer and party, cook, go to movie night with the new boyfriend, then you can WORK and if not help with the children you brought into your world, at least pay the custodial parent support. I know it’s galling but you need to know, for your kids’ sake and to monitor her psyche. She sure lost the last of my minimal pity I had for her.

  • Alyssa Rogers Williams

    Rob, the only manipulation seems aimed right at you, luckily not the boys. But it’s still muckraking. But Kim is right, you need to be armed with info if necessary down the line. And with her history, the goading could be partly manipulated to seem like more than it is. I’m so sorry you have to see that shit.

    • Thanks Alyssa… Truthfully, while it hurts, it hurts because of all the kids have to endure. As parents we tend to care far less about ourselves than we our little ones.

      I just look forward to the day I can have my life back and be able to give my kids all they need.. ☺

  • pegster999

    It looks like this decision was made for you. It would have all gotten back to you eventually anyway, and the truth gotten out. It always does. This is the Internet. Nothing is private. She’s just hurting herself in the long run posting like that. I know it hurts. It’s a shitty situation all around. And not a lot you can do until all the boys are 18 years old.

  • Donna

    Hi Mr. Gorski.
    I don’t have a situation similar to yours in any way except that I was betrayed by my bipolar husband. He is on better meds now and we are not divorcing. That said I’ve spent many, many, hours spent reading and on infidelity sites learning about infidelity and the experiences of others taught me one thing. No contact = no new hurts. I don’t know much about the situation with your , and feel I don’t have any right to comment, that said, you asked… No contact = no new hurts.

    • Thank you Donna. I wish you all the best… ☺