Tough decisions and sleep deprivation :(

It’s been a long day, filled with tough decisions and sleep deprivation.  With Emmett being home from school once again, I made limited progress on the self-imposed Daddy-do-list.

I was able to get Gavin’s OT/PT evaluation rescheduled for next week.  Yay me…  ­čÖé

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I was also able to reach out to the adjudicator of Elliott’s SSI case because some of the needed paperwork hasn’t been received yet.  I could only leave a message but I should hear back by the end of the week. 

The progress really ended there. 

I also had the unpleasant task of having to deny some of the proposed changes to the boys visitation with their Mom. 

It was the right thing to do but this isn’t how I ever wanted things to be. 

If you would have told me 2 years ago that this is what I’d be doing today, I would never have believed you, not even for a moment.

I can’t imagine actually hating anything more than the position this has put me in.  It’s an unfair burden but one that I will carry out of love for my kids. 

Hopefully, I will not have to do this forever but as long as it’s necessary, that’s what I’ll do.

This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 5.┬áPlease forgive any typos as┬áauto-correct┬áHATES me. ­čśë

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16 Comments

  1. Darcy Dallin

    So what were the changes that you denied & to whom? Are you taking the “easy” way out & not giving mom & grandma what they deserve, want, need, so you didn’t have to deal with Elliott’s issues? In the last post you said you were going to do the changes enough that mom picked the kids up at home right after school. Are you still doing that or no changes at all?

    1. From now on, I’m just going to respond to aggressive questions like this with the following.

      Darcy, you have a nice day.

      If you’d like me to honestly answer something, perhaps you could work on your approach and take a less accusatory tone. Otherwise, I tend to not take the question seriously.

      1. Darcy Dallin

        Sorry for the long rant – I would hope you will read, so maybe you can better understand.
        I guess it’s a difference of opinion. You asked for everyone’s opinion, but once again, if they are different than yours you have issues. (This is not the first time you went on the defense and not just against me). I’m sorry the way I asked and the questions I asked insulted you. Guess I’m blunt and rude to you. That’s who I am. We are all different, Rob, and you have to accept those differences, especially if they go against you. How is this accusatory? What to you think I am accusing you of? How may I better approach the subject?
        I do think Rob is taking the easy way out. He doesn’t want to deal with Elliott’s meltdowns from a change in routine and Elliott doesn’t want to deal with change, so he’s denying mom and grandparents more time with the boys. No one will heal this way. And like I had asked previously, yes, Rob took Elliott’s feelings into consideration and that’s great, but what about Emmett’s and Gavin’s feelings/opinions? This whole thing has been about Elliott and sorry I’m harsh in thinking that Elliott has to someday realize that he may not always get what he wants if someone else wants something to change. My son is 13 and with enough notice and starting slowly and from repetition he learned that he had to start thinking of other people who may want to do different things, whether he agreed with the changes or not. If not, you will have kids AND PARENTS who will be isolated and never get out in the world, because the world is scary and constantly changing. I get it, it’s overwhelming. I hate the world, myself. (Rob, someday you may want to date, what if this change is not tolerated by one of the boys? You just stop dating? No).
        But, Rob, I see a mom, who although has been an awful person, is not being allowed to change herself (hopefully) or given the chance to prove she’s changed (hopefully) or not. Rob, it seems that you are holding grudges, whether you believe it or not, and taking it out on Lizzie, but who’s going to be able to move forward? The boys are still young and can learn to forgive and hopefully be given a chance to improve their relationships with their mom. Yes, it may take months or years. I also understand the school is a safe place for Elliott, but what if mom wanted to start taking an interest in her boys’ education and attend back to school nights or IEP meetings or anything the boys’ might be in – will mom be denied just because Elliott says “no”? That is a child who is controlling his parents. I don’t care if you have disabilities or not, that is not acceptable. Pick another neutral place, like a park or the track, or even your home, but this also sounded like mom wanted to pick kids up earlier and that was also being denied?

        1. Okay, I’m going to be as nice as I can. I’m not sure if you realize how silly you’re coming across. You have completely misread the post and have no idea what you’re talking about.

          Please read a little slower before climbing up on your high horse and accusing me of anything.

          The only thing that was denied was simply picking the kids up from school. That’s it. That decision was reach after lengthy discussion with Elliott and his therapist.

          This isn’t about meltdowns. This is about the emotional wellbeing of a traumatized child with special needs and frankly, I don’t care if you agree.

          Rather than get the kids at 3pm, they will picked up at 315pm at home. How exactly is that unreasonable?

          The grandmother isn’t in question because she’s amazing and doing the best she can in a terribly difficult situation.

          I’ll say this once and then it’s a dead issue.

          This will never be about what their Mother deserves. This will only ever be about what’s best for the kids. She made the choice to walk away from her family. She’s made the choice to put the kids through everything they’ve been through. I have zero control over her but you better be damn sure I will take control over what happens going forward.

          My only motivation is to help the boys heal from this and I will do everything in my power, as I have already been doing, to promote a happy, healthy and we’ll adjusted relationship between the boys and their Mother.

          That being said, sometimes the best thing is less.

          I’m not angry with her for what she did to me. I’ve forgiven her for that. What’s happened and happening to the kids is a whole other story.

          She is NOT a victim. The only victims here are the 3 little boys who no longer have the Mother they’ve known their entire lives.

          Darcy, I don’t care if you have a different opinion. You’re entitled to that.

          You’re approach however, is very crass and lacks tact, not to mention your interpretation of the facts is flawed.

          I hope everything is going better in your life. I know you have challenges as well but please leave that at the door when you stop by for a visit. You’ll get much farther with me that way.

    2. Kim Gebhardt

      I don’t think Rob is taking the easy way out, I think he’s taking Elliott’s feelings into consideration. School is a safe and happy place for him, and having Lizze there ruins that. I’m never shy in my questions or criticisms of Rob, but I think you’re way off the mark with this one.

  2. Darcy Dallin

    So what were the changes that you denied & to whom? Are you taking the “easy” way out & not giving mom & grandma what they deserve, want, need, so you didn’t have to deal with Elliott’s issues? In the last post you said you were going to do the changes enough that mom picked the kids up at home right after school. Are you still doing that or no changes at all?

    1. From now on, I’m just going to respond to aggressive questions like this with the following.

      Darcy, you have a nice day.

      If you’d like me to honestly answer something, perhaps you could work on your approach and take a less accusatory tone. Otherwise, I tend to not take the question seriously.

      1. Darcy Dallin

        Sorry for the long rant – I would hope you will read, so maybe you can better understand.
        I guess it’s a difference of opinion. You asked for everyone’s opinion, but once again, if they are different than yours you have issues. (This is not the first time you went on the defense and not just against me). I’m sorry the way I asked and the questions I asked insulted you. Guess I’m blunt and rude to you. That’s who I am. We are all different, Rob, and you have to accept those differences, especially if they go against you. How is this accusatory? What to you think I am accusing you of? How may I better approach the subject?
        I do think Rob is taking the easy way out. He doesn’t want to deal with Elliott’s meltdowns from a change in routine and Elliott doesn’t want to deal with change, so he’s denying mom and grandparents more time with the boys. No one will heal this way. And like I had asked previously, yes, Rob took Elliott’s feelings into consideration and that’s great, but what about Emmett’s and Gavin’s feelings/opinions? This whole thing has been about Elliott and sorry I’m harsh in thinking that Elliott has to someday realize that he may not always get what he wants if someone else wants something to change. My son is 13 and with enough notice and starting slowly and from repetition he learned that he had to start thinking of other people who may want to do different things, whether he agreed with the changes or not. If not, you will have kids AND PARENTS who will be isolated and never get out in the world, because the world is scary and constantly changing. I get it, it’s overwhelming. I hate the world, myself. (Rob, someday you may want to date, what if this change is not tolerated by one of the boys? You just stop dating? No).
        But, Rob, I see a mom, who although has been an awful person, is not being allowed to change herself (hopefully) or given the chance to prove she’s changed (hopefully) or not. Rob, it seems that you are holding grudges, whether you believe it or not, and taking it out on Lizzie, but who’s going to be able to move forward? The boys are still young and can learn to forgive and hopefully be given a chance to improve their relationships with their mom. Yes, it may take months or years. I also understand the school is a safe place for Elliott, but what if mom wanted to start taking an interest in her boys’ education and attend back to school nights or IEP meetings or anything the boys’ might be in – will mom be denied just because Elliott says “no”? That is a child who is controlling his parents. I don’t care if you have disabilities or not, that is not acceptable. Pick another neutral place, like a park or the track, or even your home, but this also sounded like mom wanted to pick kids up earlier and that was also being denied?

        1. Okay, I’m going to be as nice as I can. I’m not sure if you realize how silly you’re coming across. You have completely misread the post and have no idea what you’re talking about.

          Please read a little slower before climbing up on your high horse and accusing me of anything.

          The only thing that was denied was simply picking the kids up from school. That’s it. That decision was reach after lengthy discussion with Elliott and his therapist.

          This isn’t about meltdowns. This is about the emotional wellbeing of a traumatized child with special needs and frankly, I don’t care if you agree.

          Rather than get the kids at 3pm, they will picked up at 315pm at home. How exactly is that unreasonable?

          The grandmother isn’t in question because she’s amazing and doing the best she can in a terribly difficult situation.

          I’ll say this once and then it’s a dead issue.

          This will never be about what their Mother deserves. This will only ever be about what’s best for the kids. She made the choice to walk away from her family. She’s made the choice to put the kids through everything they’ve been through. I have zero control over her but you better be damn sure I will take control over what happens going forward.

          My only motivation is to help the boys heal from this and I will do everything in my power, as I have already been doing, to promote a happy, healthy and we’ll adjusted relationship between the boys and their Mother.

          That being said, sometimes the best thing is less.

          I’m not angry with her for what she did to me. I’ve forgiven her for that. What’s happened and happening to the kids is a whole other story.

          She is NOT a victim. The only victims here are the 3 little boys who no longer have the Mother they’ve known their entire lives.

          Darcy, I don’t care if you have a different opinion. You’re entitled to that.

          You’re approach however, is very crass and lacks tact, not to mention your interpretation of the facts is flawed.

          I hope everything is going better in your life. I know you have challenges as well but please leave that at the door when you stop by for a visit. You’ll get much farther with me that way.

    2. Kim Gebhardt

      I don’t think Rob is taking the easy way out, I think he’s taking Elliott’s feelings into consideration. School is a safe and happy place for him, and having Lizze there ruins that. I’m never shy in my questions or criticisms of Rob, but I think you’re way off the mark with this one.

    3. Kim Gebhardt

      I don’t think Rob is taking the easy way out, I think he’s taking Elliott’s feelings into consideration. School is a safe and happy place for him, and having Lizze there ruins that. I’m never shy in my questions or criticisms of Rob, but I think you’re way off the mark with this one.

  3. Stacy Abdeljalil-Wilson

    I completely agree with your decision. Visitation should benefit the child first and foremost and Elliot has been clear on his desires. And, you have carefully talked it out with the therapist involved. Nice job doing what is best for Elliot!

  4. Stacy Abdeljalil-Wilson

    I completely agree with your decision. Visitation should benefit the child first and foremost and Elliot has been clear on his desires. And, you have carefully talked it out with the therapist involved. Nice job doing what is best for Elliot!

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