Before I delve a bit deeper into the how’s and why of what I chose to write about, here’s a general update about today…
It’s actually been relatively quiet today. We finished up lunch a little while ago and Gavin went and took a nap because his meds are kicking his butt for some reason. Normally he does fine but sometimes they make him really tired.
I’ve identified a spot that I’d like to hang this hammock for Emmett and my Dad’s grabbing a giant eye hook while he’s out. With any luck, this location will work and Emmett will be able to begin using this today.
I’m hoping that Elliott might benefit from it as well but he’s very uncomfortable with his feet off the ground, so who knows.
Gavin would enjoy it but unfortunately, he’s a wee bit too big… Damn he’s growing up fast.. ☺
As for myself, I’m feeling pretty good today. I ran into some situations yesterday that came out of nowhere and had me a bit shaken but I’ve managed to shake it off. I’ve had to really focus on the fact that while you’re only hearing one side of my family’s story here and all other parties are only hearing the other side of the story, the people that really matter, are aware of everything that’s going on and I have nothing to prove.
That doesn’t make it any less frustrating to deal with those who aren’t allowed to hear what the boys and I have to say and instead are going solely on what they’ve been told. At the end of the day though, it doesn’t make a difference.
One of the reasons I write about this is because it’s the only way that people will be able to have access to what is going on this side of the line. All communication has been shutdown. I have no access to anyone and they have no access to me. It’s a ridiculous rule that I refuse to follow but everyone else is. At least they can read about what happening in our world and everything I write about is verifiable.
Situations like these tend to bring out the worst in people and I refuse to take part in that.
Everything needs to be about the boys and picking sides doesn’t help the boys at all. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or says, the very few people who have complete access to both sides, understand what’s going on.
Anyway, I often get criticized for talking about my situation in the way that I do. I really don’t see myself as bashing anyone. I simply share how this whole situation impacts both myself and the boys. Ironically, I also receive criticism because I’m too nice about this stuff but regardless of what happened or happens in the future, I will always love her. She’s the Mother of my children and woman I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with. That doesn’t just go away….
I feel like there’s a world of difference between bashing someone and talking about how an individuals choices, actions or lack of actions impact both my life and the lives of my kids. She will always command my respect but that doesn’t mean I support or agree with anything.
My hope is that when people read this, it may cause them to take inventory of their own lives and reevaluate how they handle what they are going through. I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I’ve publicly shared my mistakes and some of them were pretty bad.
The circumstances surrounding this are more complicated than just people get divorced all the time… There are mitigating circumstances that have led to much of this and that takes it from the commonplace and puts it squarely into the perplexing category.
My one wish is that everyone physically involved could get on the same page and that’s proven very difficult to do….and I don’t see it happening anytime soon. That won’t however, prevent me from continuing to try though because I truly feel that if we are all on the same page and dealing with the reality of the situation, no matter how unpleasant the may be, the boys only stand to benefit from it.
I’ve remained dedicated to keeping my family moving forward, even after losing an important member. It’s not easy and both physically and emotionally difficult.
It’s easy to armchair quarterback my actions because not everyone has all the information to help put everything in context. If I were mean, vindictive or wanted to badmouth anyone, I would simply share everything and put things into context for everyone but I’ve chosen not to do that. It’s not the right thing to do and it’s certainly not the right thing for the boys either.
This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉
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