I fear that one of my kids is likely going to have a rough visit with his Mom this weekend

The boys will be going to visit their Mom and Grandparents this weekend. I’m a little concerned about because he’s going into this visit already upset about a particular rule that his Mom has established. 
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I get where she’s coming from with this and understand the principle. While I may think it’s a really stupid battle to pick, it’s not really a big deal, so I’ve opted to not involve myself.  If it was something even sort of significant, I would deal with but this really isn’t anything I’m worried about. 

It’s going to amount Elliott being upset because he’s not allowed to do something he wants to. As this has been building since last week, Dr. Pattie and I have both already spoken to him about this and told him it’s best to let it go. We’ll see if he actually ends up doing that.

I’m hoping, as always, that they all have a fantastic visit because it’s important to take advantage of whatever time they have to spend with their Mom.

Unfortunately, Elliott’s not even remotely close to being in a place where he can just let things go. I mean, this kid will just chew on something forever and not let it go.  I always refer to these things as a scooter and I’ll say to him, Elliott, you can’t ride this scooter forever man, you’ve got to put it down and walk away because it’s just not worth it.

If you looked up work in progress, you would see my trying to help Elliott through all this shit, as a prime example of what it’s defined as. 

I know my has forever changed but I’d really like to see all the boys have as healthy and happy of a relationship with their Mom as is possible.  Admittedly, it’s been an uphill battle thus far but we’ve made some major-ish progress and that’s a big, ginormous positive… ☺

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  • MBee

    You’re Switzerland!!!!

    Since my kiddos are probably NT, I can use different language with them. Like you, we ‘pick our battles’ but we also identify whether or not this is ‘the hill you are willing to die on.’ Of course it isn’t because we are advocating violence or use threats, but rather we all need to be good generals and evaluate the battlefields of life, recognize where the difficulties lie and decide how to address or avoid them in order to advance to our goal.

    Your goal is to raise happy and healthy, productive adults. You will pick which areas to avoid and which to skirt. Their mom, like the rest of us, are our own Generals and see the battlefield differently. Listening to other perspectives may change how you see it, but doesn’t change your role.

    The boys’ role is to be good soldiers. A good soldier follows orders. A good soldier also observes and learns so he can make a good decision quickly and without guidance if the situation occurs. When they are detailed to another command, they need to recognize the differences in leadership styles and adjust. By developing these skills, they find their own command style.

    That is hard for NT’s to learn, hard for adults to practice and perhaps unimaginably hard for your sons. But not impossible. By recognizing her authority, you are teaching your sons to follow other trustworthy leaders. By supporting her, you are teaching your sons that some times, the things we do aren’t about the actual act, but rather about supporting what is behind the act (or rule).

    Let’s say my mom asks me to read a romance novel. It isn’t about adding love to my life, it is about sharing a story with her. I can balk and stomp my feet and REFUSE or I can SHARE it with her. It is my choice. You’re teaching your sons to SHARE time and peace with their mom. You are teaching them to “go along, to get along’ and that is very valuable indeed.

    I’ll put the soapbox away. This very long post is really directed at me, because I need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and do some things that are the right thing to do, even though they are not the things I want to do.

    Have a great day. Encourage your sons to surprise someone (their teachers, their mom, a random stranger) with a smile when it is least expected. 🙂

    MBee

  • MBee

    You’re Switzerland!!!!

    Since my kiddos are probably NT, I can use different language with them. Like you, we ‘pick our battles’ but we also identify whether or not this is ‘the hill you are willing to die on.’ Of course it isn’t because we are advocating violence or use threats, but rather we all need to be good generals and evaluate the battlefields of life, recognize where the difficulties lie and decide how to address or avoid them in order to advance to our goal.

    Your goal is to raise happy and healthy, productive adults. You will pick which areas to avoid and which to skirt. Their mom, like the rest of us, are our own Generals and see the battlefield differently. Listening to other perspectives may change how you see it, but doesn’t change your role.

    The boys’ role is to be good soldiers. A good soldier follows orders. A good soldier also observes and learns so he can make a good decision quickly and without guidance if the situation occurs. When they are detailed to another command, they need to recognize the differences in leadership styles and adjust. By developing these skills, they find their own command style.

    That is hard for NT’s to learn, hard for adults to practice and perhaps unimaginably hard for your sons. But not impossible. By recognizing her authority, you are teaching your sons to follow other trustworthy leaders. By supporting her, you are teaching your sons that some times, the things we do aren’t about the actual act, but rather about supporting what is behind the act (or rule).

    Let’s say my mom asks me to read a romance novel. It isn’t about adding love to my life, it is about sharing a story with her. I can balk and stomp my feet and REFUSE or I can SHARE it with her. It is my choice. You’re teaching your sons to SHARE time and peace with their mom. You are teaching them to “go along, to get along’ and that is very valuable indeed.

    I’ll put the soapbox away. This very long post is really directed at me, because I need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and do some things that are the right thing to do, even though they are not the things I want to do.

    Have a great day. Encourage your sons to surprise someone (their teachers, their mom, a random stranger) with a smile when it is least expected. 🙂

    MBee