Divorce: Why is moving on so hard?

While my divorce isn’t officially finalized yet, for all intents and purposes,  my marriage has been over since October 14, 2014. It’s been a tough journey just getting to where I am today and there’s still a great deal of road left ahead of me. 

Recently, someone asked me why I don’t just pick up the pieces of my life and move on, like my wife has. 

The person asking me this was not doing so with good intentions but still, it got me thinking about things and I hate thinking about things because I don’t like remembering. I’ve been in a perpetual state of on again off again confusion, ever since my wife chose a different path for her life. 

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There’s so many questions that I have and they’ll never be answered.  I haven’t figured out how to live with that just yet but it’s something I need to do.

I don’t understand 90% of what happened and I’m left questioning myself….doubting myself.

I’ve accepted that it’s over and that’s not what this about. 

This is about figuring out how to unfeel. I don’t know how to unlove my wife, even after all that’s happened. Life and the people in it have changed in ways that render them unrecognizable and yet I yern for what was….not what is..  Does that make sense?

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Maybe it’s pathetic of me to still feel but there’s no point in hiding or denying it. 

It’s hard to process this because the person I loved, doesn’t exist anymore but the person who loved her still does.  That leaves a massive void, a feeling of emptiness or
of being incomplete..

If you’ve ever had someone in your life who changed so profoundly, that you actually grieved them as though they’ve died, that’s where I’m at.  Getting passed this is so hard because while the person I know is gone, I still see and speak to the person who’s taken their place…. It’s absolutely surreal and very difficult to wrap ones brain around. 

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It’s an ongoing struggle and one that I do my best to face when it rears up. 

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