Divorce: Why is moving on so hard?

      2 Comments on Divorce: Why is moving on so hard?

While my divorce isn’t officially finalized yet, for all intents and purposes,  my marriage has been over since October 14, 2014. It’s been a tough journey just getting to where I am today and there’s still a great deal of road left ahead of me. 

Recently, someone asked me why I don’t just pick up the pieces of my life and move on, like my wife has. 

The person asking me this was not doing so with good intentions but still, it got me thinking about things and I hate thinking about things because I don’t like remembering. I’ve been in a perpetual state of on again off again confusion, ever since my wife chose a different path for her life. 

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There’s so many questions that I have and they’ll never be answered.  I haven’t figured out how to live with that just yet but it’s something I need to do.

I don’t understand 90% of what happened and I’m left questioning myself….doubting myself.

I’ve accepted that it’s over and that’s not what this about. 

This is about figuring out how to unfeel. I don’t know how to unlove my wife, even after all that’s happened. Life and the people in it have changed in ways that render them unrecognizable and yet I yern for what was….not what is..  Does that make sense?

Maybe it’s pathetic of me to still feel but there’s no point in hiding or denying it. 

It’s hard to process this because the person I loved, doesn’t exist anymore but the person who loved her still does.  That leaves a massive void, a feeling of emptiness or
of being incomplete..

If you’ve ever had someone in your life who changed so profoundly, that you actually grieved them as though they’ve died, that’s where I’m at.  Getting passed this is so hard because while the person I know is gone, I still see and speak to the person who’s taken their place…. It’s absolutely surreal and very difficult to wrap ones brain around. 

It’s an ongoing struggle and one that I do my best to face when it rears up. 

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2 Comments on "Divorce: Why is moving on so hard?"

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Darcy
Member
I don’t know if this is a reason why you can’t “move on”, but it’s one of mine – because I didn’t initiate the divorce. I hate this whole term of having to move on. I to don’t understand my divorce, why it happened & what happened to my Ex – like you say about Izzy – she’s a different person from whom you first meet. I get people change, but some people change too much & leave others destroyed behind them. Plus it is all about those unanswered questions, we’ll be confused for the rest of our lives. Also… Read more »
Karalyn Fett
Member
I remember this feeling so hard. My ex was the first person I ever loved and he “got me” so intensely my 16 year old self was POSITIVE I would never love anyone else ever again. I remember though by the end he had put me through so much looking at him was like looking at the ghost of someone that had been long dead. I remember feeling like I wanted to love him again so much, but he wasn’t really even there anymore. I really don’t think it ever goes away. I’ve long moved on and had other relationships… Read more »
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