Generally speaking, I’m a happy, healthy and optimistic person. I tend to see the good in everyone and always try to see the positive side of things.
Sometimes though, there’s no amount of positive thinking that can make life more bearable. Sometimes life just sucks and the only thing left to do is white knuckle it.
For the last few days, it would be fair to say that I’ve been white knuckling it.
As a result, my head can take me to some darker places while I’m trying to work through everything. One of the things about my life and the lives of others in similar circumstance is that nothing ever really slows down.
There really aren’t any significant, meaningful breaks and it’s essentially go go go until you crash.
Solving problems without creating new ones is a challenge on a good day.
There are periods of time where I honestly feel like each day is the worst day of my life. It’s so hard to enjoy life when you’re barely surviving it.
As with many things, life and its challenges are relative. There’s always going to be someone out there struggling more than I am, and there’s always going to be someone doing better than I am.
Right now I have 3 or 4 things weighing very heavy on me. What they are doesn’t really matter because at this point in time, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about them.
They’re heavy enough that I feel as though everything around me is falling apart. That’s a horrible, anxiety inducing feeling and it’s making life very difficult for me right now.
I share this because this is what I’m experiencing and it’s my truth. I want anyone else who might be feeling these things to know that they aren’t alone. I’m living through some truly dark days but they won’t last forever.
This hurts to read. I’m sorry you’re in such a dark place. Autism affects far more than the individuals with it. I’m 27 with autism on the mild side with two younger brothers with the same diagnosis give or take. We all got diagnosed in our twenties to give you an idea of how well we all hid it. Anyways I’m gonna share something. I remember the way we used to behave as young children and it was pretty bad stuff. I didn’t realize it at the time but looking back, some of the stuff we said and did might have hurt our parents. I have always appreciated my mother and father for what they have done. I feel your kids will do the same. They may not be able to readily show appreciation all the time, but they do appreciate everything you do for them. Oh and happy belated father’s day by the way. You seem like an awesome dad and your children will always thank you for that in the future. Even if they don’t show it. Have a good day!