I don’t seem to be doing so well at the moment. I’m not sure if there’s any one thing to blame or if it’s a combination of everything.
I’m feeling heartbroken for a number of reasons.
Emmett is really struggling with life, especially in the morning and towards the end of the day.
He’s having massive meltdowns in the morning over going to school and towards the end of the day as well.
Yes, it’s very true that these meltdowns cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety to the point that I just physically shake. My brain just sorta shuts down and I have to remove myself.
That being said, there isn’t one single shred of me that’s angry with Emmett.
I’m frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted but never angry.
Maybe that doesn’t sound realistic but it’d the truth. My heart breaks for Emmett and all he’s going through. While he’s extremely intelligent and is quite verbal, he’s very much lacking in the expressive language department.
It’s very clear that he’s experiencing something truly profound but what the something remains a mystery because he’s not able to articulate his feelings well.
Truthfully, this is really hard for me to deal with on a multitude of levels.
That being said, not a moment goes by where I’m not acutely aware of how much he is trying to cope with and my heart just goes out to him.
I spent some time talking with my Mom tonight because I feel myself slipping into a darker headspace. I just needed to vent and feel like I wasn’t as alone as I’ve been feeling recently.
Tomorrow’s a new day and I’ll plan on making the best of whatever life throws my way.
My brain is completely fried and I can’t do any more tonight. .
Here’s to tomorrow being a better day.