We all reach milestones in our life.
Milestones are a means of measuring our accomplishments during our all too short of a journey on this Earth.
This week will mark a very significant milestone in my life.
My new milestone will mark the day that my life and the lives of my boys were forever changed.
October 14th will mark one year to the day that my wife walked out of my life and never looked back, leaving me to raise our three kids on my own..
That night was the most difficult night of my life and it was something I naively, never saw coming.
Anyway, every single day since then, I’ve struggled to come to grips with this life altering turn of events and I’ve been reliving memories that have now become tainted and painful.
For the last year of my life, every holiday, birthday, school function and even things as stupid as the season premieres of the shows we watched together, have been painful..
They’re painful because I knew that the last time we celebrated one of the boys birthdays, Christmas, Easter or anything else, we did so together, as a family.
It overshadowed everything.
As I approach the 14th, I don’t know if the boys are going to remember the significance of that day but I hope they don’t.
While living through the 14th, especially as the boys are going to bed that night, my heart will once again shatter.
I know myself pretty well and I know that I will replay that night over and over again in my head. I’ll cry and perhaps cry myself to sleep…
As I pass through that day and make it to the 15th, I’m looking at another major milestone.
As of October 15, 2015, I will have been a single father, raising my kids entirely on my own, for 365 days straight.
That’s pretty amazing. 😊
I expect that I will continue to struggle as I discover life after divorce but the memories will now below to me. I will continue to grow stronger as a father and human being.
I will have accomplished what I would have previously thought impossible.
Raising my three challenging kids entirely on my own is something I never thought I would be strong enough to do. While our new life isn’t always pretty, it’s ours and I’m grateful for every single day.. ☺
As the 14th approaches, I’m going to allow myself to experience it naturally and not fight the emotions. Obviously, not in front of the kids but maybe after bedtime, I’ll drown my sorrow in a carton of ice cream and watch some TV..
Seriously though, I think by allowing myself to feel, I will find a sense of closure that I have been unable to find yet.
So, wherever you are on Wednesday night around 7pm, have a scoop, carton or whatever of ice cream, glass of wine or maybe a beer and perhaps send some love and positive thoughts my way….. ☺