Something that you may or may not know about me is that I’m a fixer. It’s a nobal quality but it’s not always a good thing.
I’ve been on this exhausting quest to limit everything that my kids are forced to deal with in regards to their Mom leaving last year.
Exhausting is frankly an understatement.
I don’t always know what’s best for the kids and when I don’t, I either seek advice or go with my gut.
I feel it’s imperative that everyone be on the same page in regards to the boys but it’s been an uphill and more often than not, fruitless battle.
Frankly, this is where an enormous amount of my unchecked stress comes from.
I was speaking to a therapist the other day, someone who knows everything that’s going on. Their advice to me was simple but not easy to follow.
I have to let go and except that I have no control over what the boys deal with when they’re not with me.
That’s a tough pill for me to swallow because there’s rarely a time when one or more of the boys isn’t upset about something that happened during their visit.
The reality is that I can listen to what they have to say but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I can encourage them to discuss this with whomever they are upset with and/or we can bring it up with Dr. Pattie at one of their next therapy sessions and she can help them address it.
For the most part these are relatively minor things that cause them temporary distress. They’re always safe and well cared for when they’re gone.
That said, these things still cause them distress and it’s needless nonsense, that doesn’t have to happen.
Nothing coming from me will ever fall on anything but deaf ears but I’ve been pursuing it nonetheless and it’s killing me.
The reality is that I can’t make anyone do anything, especially where grownups are concerned.
Continuing down this same path is the very definition of insanity because nothing is ever going to change. Letting go and instead focusing my efforts where they can have the most impact is the more practical approach.
Dr. Pattie and I are going to be focusing on helping the boys to find their voice and develop the coping skills needed for them to adapt to this very different life they’ve found themselves living.
It’s not easy for me to accept that I can’t fix any of this but I’m killing myself and accomplishing nothing.
Sometimes letting go and changing direction is the best approach one can take.
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