Since my wife left, I’ve been having these nightmares

My wife left a year and a half ago now.  I’m actually doing pretty good but ever since she left, I’ve been having nightmares related to the loss.

It’s weird because I’m relatively adjusted to everything now and if given the opportunity, I would never go back into that relationship but I still have really bad dreams on the subject.  These aren’t every night but they’re often enough that it’s upsetting. 

Over the years, I would have these occasional nightmares where I would wake up in the morning, in my house but my didn’t know who I was.  It amounted to me essentially losing my family. That’s my absolute worst fear because my family is everything to me. 


I think losing my wife, sorta kicked that fear into overdrive a bit. 

I can’t for the life of me remember the details of my current nightmares but I remember the context and the emotional response ilthey trigger.  I remember waking up in a cold sweat and having to slowly orient myself…

Last night’s was a pretty bad one because I woke up a couple times and had this overwhelming feeling of absolute loss. 

They say that dreaming is our subconscious, trying to work things out while we .  If there’s any truth to that, maybe the fact that what happened in my life still makes absolutely no sense.  I’ve only been able to attribute it to , that led her down this path. 

It’s tough to find closure when you don’t know what the hell even happened. 

Anyway, that’s your little peak inside my crazy head for the day… 

I’m always open to your thoughts and insights..  I’d like to better understand this whole thing but I haven’t really made it too far because there was nothing that happened.  One day everything was fine and the next, not so much….

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9 Comments on "Since my wife left, I’ve been having these nightmares"

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It really wasn’t one day it was fine and the next she was gone.

I think that you think that is pretty good insight into why she left. I would try and work on that with your therapist.

Kim Gebhardt
I have a hard time believing that things were fine one day and not the next. I think you were very wrapped up in what you thought was taking care of your family (and people on the internet) and didn’t see that Lizze was becoming unhappy. This isn’t to say that you are a bad husband or bad person, but you weren’t what Lizze needed. I do think mental illness played a part in her decision, but it’s doubtful that it was the only thing in play. You once mentioned that she felt you spent too much time on your… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Actually, it was one day everything was fine and the next it was over. Every single person in our life, including the family therapist and her therapist. There was no sign of any issues. If there was something changing, it was beneath the surface because no one picked up on it. This is why it’s so difficult because there was absolutely no heads up. She’s spent all day sleeping because of her meds. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but never sought treatment. She ended up finding a doctor that changed her diagnosed, put her on meds for bipolar… Read more »
Jimmy Rock
I realize that your response was not directed at any one commenter specifically, but I can understand if you felt like you were being challenged when you read these comments collectively. But to be honest, you invited these kind of comments, as off-putting as they may seem. In your original post, you said you had dreams about losing your family even before your wife left. Was that just completely irrational anxiety based upon unfounded fears? You say that everything was fine, then one day it wasn’t, and that you don’t know what happened. When challenged in the comments with the… Read more »
Rob Gorski
You’re fine. Here’s the thing.. This would be so much easier to put away if something had happened or I did something wrong. Then it makes sense. As it stands and I was just talking about this with the therapist last night, this came out if nowhere. This is a borderline related because while looking good back on the previous 15 years, the pattern was there. It didn’t involve me but she cut so many people out of her life for insignificant reasons. Talking to the therapist last night, I was discussing this same thing because it’s hard to understand… Read more »
Kim Gebhardt
Regarding the massive personality change, sometimes it’s not so much of a change as it is someone no longer holding back snippets of themselves that their SO didn’t like. When we meet new people, we all tend to reshape ourselves to fit into the mold that the other person desires and then become part of a twosome. Over time, those personality traits that we quashed can start to come back to the surface, and some people decide that they’re tired of not being themselves. So while it may seem that one day Lizze woke up as a different person, that’s… Read more »
Mike T
You’ve opened up for the feedback re: causes and reasons. Hell, your blog was called, “Lost and Tired”. If it were my partner that decided to set up shop on the internet under such a name, I’d probably be asking some fairly pointed questions about what I was or was not doing that would cause her to think that was a spiffy name. Lizze has written about the reasons for the breakup. Some of it is plausible, some of it subjective. An obsessive “fixer” who set to fixing anyone and everyone while ignoring their most intimate relationship? I can see… Read more »
Rob Gorski
Mike, Lost and Tired was meant to describe what it felt like to be an Autism parent. The title was accurate because so many people could relate to it. If you actually read my blog back then, I was always trying to focus on the positive. As for being a fixer, I own that and never said otherwise. My whole family was falling apart and I did everything I possibly could to keep someone who stopped helping themselves and our children, above water. I knew I couldn’t fix anything but I did what I had to to keep us collectively… Read more »
Rob Gorski
I’m closing this thread because there’s no point in leaving it open to comments. While I know at least some of you are well intentioned, none of you know whats happening, outside of what I say. This post was never meant to insight all this attention. I was simply sharing something that was bothering me and hoping that someone might be able to simply say something like “that’s probably normal” or something similar. Instead, it turned into people questioning things based in absolutely no personal knowledge. I’m doing this to myself because if I opened up more and explained what… Read more »