I didn’t ask for this…..

I’m going to be a bit more honest in this post because I’m really, really frustrated and goddammit, I have a right to be..

I didn’t ask to be a single Father.  In fact, I took a vow that I take very, very seriously and I never once broke it.

I didn’t ask to be so blindsided that I lay in bed at night wondering what’s wrong with me. 

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I didn’t ask for my entire world to be shattered or for a heartache so deep it has shaken me to the core.

Never in a million years did I think that I would ever be working out visitations or splitting holidays.  Never…

Trying to navigate this world is hard enough without having to constantly deal with the ramifications of the decisions others make.

It’s not easy taking the high road but that’s what I believe is best for the kids and frankly, I really want everything to work. 

At the same time, I’m so over the bullshit.  I’m over the semantics.  I’m over the stupid rules. 

My only focus, my singular purpose in life, is to ensure the best interests of my 3 beautiful children. 

They didn’t ask for any of this either and yet they’re footing the bill. Nothing I can do is enough to unburden them because I can only control what happens 28 days a month and it doesn’t take much to undo any progress that we manage to make. 

I’m human and I feel.  Fifteen years is a long time to just get over.

There are times that my mind drifts and I start to wonder if any of the last 15 years was what I thought it was.  I can’t honestly trust anything anymore. 

I didn’t ask for any of this and while I’m doing pretty goddamn good, all things considered, I still have my moments where I’m confused by all that’s happened and perplexed by what continues to happen..

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  • Jimmy Rock

    What if your idea of “taking the high road” isn’t actually what’s best for the kids? Maybe external forces which you can’t control make taking that high road unattenable. Just wondering if this is worth taking a look at from another perspective. Hang in there, Rob.

    • Jimmy Rock

      I meant “untenable”, not “unattenable”. Or “unattainable” works, too.

      • That’s an excellent and I don’t have the answer. That said, I’m doing beginning to see things that way..

  • Kim Gebhardt

    I still have to wonder if having a ‘healthy’ relationship with their mother is really in their best interests. Under normal circumstances I would agree that it was, but your circumstances are anything but normal and I really don’t think she has any interests other than her own in mind. I don’t doubt that she cares about the boys in her own way, but I really do worry about her wreaking havoc on their minds. I mean, if you break it down and look at it from the very core, they are being asked to spend time with the person who abandoned them.

    • That’s a good point as well. Their Mom loves them. There’s no question in my mind about that. Do I question her priorities? I think any objective person would.

      The bottom line is that they’re only really spend any significant time with her twice a month and generally speaking, the boys do want to go. doesn’t always want to and more often than not, there’s some form of drama because Elliott doesn’t pull his punches so to speak and will say what he’s thinking.

      I have complete faith in Lizze’s parents and I know the boys are safe.

      I just need to figure out a better balance and limit any wiggle room, if that makes sense.

      • Kim Gebhardt

        I don’t doubt that their grandparents keep them safe. I really don’t think you’d send them if you thought they were in some sort of physical danger; my concern is about their mental health. You say that is not the woman you married, and I would guess that she’s not the same mother she used to be either. I’ve known people with toxic parents and the wounds are readily apparent- even into adulthood. I just don’t want to see the boys scarred any more by her than they already are. I’m glad speaks his mind. He should feel free to be able to do just that, and Lizze can blame no one but herself if her feelings get hurt along the way.

    • julh

      I agree, Kim. I work with families where having contact with the toxic parent just isn’t in the child’s best interests and they’re better off without contact with them at all.

      • I don’t think we’re there yet and I’m really trying to avoid it like the plague..

  • Darcy Dallin

    I am in agreement with ya here, Rob. For me it was 21 years “gone” & I’m suddenly suppose to “move on” & “get over it”. I didn’t ask for any of this. I TRY to take that ‘high road’ but it’s very damn hard. Everything is soo damn petty, it’s ridiculous. I’m tired of my kids getting hurt in the process.